THIS IS WE
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THIS IS WE
Unveiling the Power of Mindful Living and True Friendship with Palak Dave
Exploring authentic connection and the significance of presence, this episode features a heartfelt conversation between Portia and Palak, who share personal experiences with community, loss, and mindfulness. They encourage listeners to carve out time for meaningful relationships and appreciate the present moment to build fulfilling lives.
- Palak shares her journey of founding Embiria to foster community
- Discusses personal loss and its impact on living in the moment
- Emphasizes authenticity in relationships and connections
- Offers practical tips for actively seeking community
- Highlights the importance of being present and mindful
- Encourages listeners to prioritize self-care without guilt
Connect with Palak @paldave and learn more about @embiriasocialclub
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Find Portia Chambers, founder of The We Experience on Instagram
Join me, portia Chambers, as I sit down with women just like you, sharing moments in their lives that shaped them into who they are today Stories of motherhood, betrayal, transformation, love and loss, vulnerable conversations, deep connection and collective healing. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. I am so excited to have our next guest here with us today. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. Including Toronto International Film Festival and Indigo Books and Music Inc.
Speaker 1:Palak embarked on a journey, a new journey in 2017, founding Imbiria Experience, a company on the mission to inspire people to slow down and save our life, and I would like to add that Palak was one of our keynotes and our panel moderator at this year's we Gather, and your story at the event freaking moved me. It moved everybody in the room, but it literally moved me and it felt the way that you did it. You had to be there. This is why you have to come to the in-person events. You're never going to experience it again. It was like I told you this after, too. It was literally like watching a, like a mini series on Netflix. Just the way that you told your story. It was so captivating and moving and you were just on the edge of your seat just waiting for the next word to fall, because you're just like tell me more, tell me more, tell me more. So I just excited that you're here sharing a little bit of that. And yeah, so I'll start, I'll stop talking and let you talk.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to chat and thank you for having me at the event too. It was so powerful to be able to have a space to share my story and to be able to connect with the women there based on them going through similar experiences, and you know the power of that connection is beautiful.
Speaker 1:It is, it really is, and you have. You have to be there to experience it. I'm not trying to plug my events, but it's it's hard to describe in words sometimes. I totally got that and so let's let's go back in time, because that's where we'll start and share. I requested I don't often request much when it comes to the podcast topics, but I did request a little bit of this story because I think it was so moving for me and I think I think it's important for other people to hear, to hear it.
Speaker 2:So please share. I can definitely share a bit about it. So if you had asked me two years ago why I started Imbiria and why I wanted to bring people together, I would have said to you that I was simply creating community and I felt lonely. And I was working a corporate job 10 years ago, climbing the corporate ladder, and I would just go to these like workout experiences and classes, and I wouldn't speak to anyone there and I thought it was such a missed opportunity and wondered why no one was talking to each other and why they weren't connecting on that human level. And so I was seeking community and that's why, similar to you, I wanted to create that, and it's magical when people come together. But then I realized that it goes a bit deeper than that. And that's where this story comes in, where I went through that sort of seven levels of why If you've heard of this, or if any of the listeners have heard of this, you kind of peel the onion back in terms of why you're so called to do the work that you're doing. So, at the surface, it's I'm craving community, I want to bring people together. And then I started going deeper and I asked myself those seven layers of why I kept going and I kept going until it really brought me to the point when I was in high school and I was 15 years then and has impacted me over the past 25 years since, and it wasn't until I did the work did I really understand how much of a role it played.
Speaker 2:And so for me it really comes down to at the time that happened, I didn't necessarily feel that I had the community that I needed to support at such a pivotal time in my life. Obviously, being 15, you have friends that can't quite relate, can't quite understand. I went back to school after two weeks and I felt obviously alone in my journey. But I also understood the power of reaching out and asking for help and that was so key to me, and the power of connecting to other humans, and I remember getting cards in the mail at the time from, like, my friend's grandparents. They would send me cards and it would just be so moving that they were thinking about me and offering support. And I think that's where I really understood that as humans we need to be surrounded by community in the good times and the bad times, and the power of bringing people together to experience all of life is so key. You cannot do life alone, and you can't really do it well alone, and so that's where that story really comes in.
Speaker 2:And then the second piece to that was my dad had all these grand plans for, you know, when he retired and he would always talk about going traveling with my mom and taking us on trips, and it would all happen when he would retire and we would sort of when he would retire and we would sort of like bank those ideas in our minds, and what was sad about it was that he never got to do any of those things or live out those dreams.
Speaker 2:And I remember him so frequently talking about he's going to work hard now and eventually he would do these things. And that really sparked this need for me to live in the moment. And that's why a lot of my work revolves around being present, being mindful, living in the here and now, like the book's tagline, is a guide to living in the here and now, because I just want people to have real life experiences in the present moment with the people that they care about. And that's really as simple as it is and it really comes down to the challenge that I went through in my life, but it turned out to be something beautiful and what fuels my work every day now.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow, oh, my gosh. I feel like I like pick up on so much more like the second time, and I feel like there's so much correlation in my own life, because when you were talking about your dad saying, you know, I'm going to work hard now that is my husband you were talking about your dad saying, you know, I'm gonna work hard now that is my husband. And I'm like literally sitting here going like, please don't die before you get to do it because he has heart attacks in his life.
Speaker 2:But if I in his family and everything, but not necessarily like put it like that, but I think I have to share this with him after because it's like he needs to know it's honestly so powerful because and the reason I share that story is because of these things Like it's very easy to kind of sit back and think we all know that one day we're going to die. That's all that we have. Every human knows this. We don't always talk about it and death is not something that's talked about very often it's sort of a taboo topic, regardless of the fact that we all have this shared experience we're going to go through of ourselves and the people around us that we love.
Speaker 2:And what's so interesting is it's not talked about and it is this sort of like thing that's detached from us that oh yeah, my life. Obviously it's short and I know life is short and I know that. You know everyone gets older and you feel it at milestone birthdays Like I just turned 40 and I was like the significance of that is like, oh okay, I'm 40 now. So you feel it along the way, but it's only when you're truly faced with something that's so tragic that you realize, oh, this isn't, this isn't like a joke, this isn't something to take like can happen. And my dad only had a limited amount of time. I only had a limited amount of time with the memories that I have with him. I mean, from what I remember, it's like I probably have eight years worth of like core memories with him. Not very much, if you think about it, and very much of you know the sort of portion of my life that when I look back.
Speaker 2:But I think that's why it is important to share the story and I would, yeah, love for you to share with your husband and it's not to like cause fear in people, but it's to remind you that life is short and it can happen and you should live every day Like it's the fullest. And it's really easy to forget that. But we need those constant reminders to just bring us back to the reality, that like oh, that problem isn't that big. Oh, that's not that big of a deal, oh, it could be worse, and it really just changes your perspective and I practice that all the time. I still have to practice it. It doesn't mean just because I went through a tragedy that I'm super optimistic now and I never get upset or have problems Like I still have to remind myself. And it's through telling this story that I also remind myself of that all the time.
Speaker 1:And I think that's important, Like I think, yeah, I would share it to him as a reminder that you don't need to work as hard. And he has it so because he retires in like five years. So he has it so ingrained in his mind, Like I just have to do these last five years and it has to be great. And and he'd like he got this promotion and I'm like you don't even have to work as hard anymore, Like there's no, like they gave you permission to not work the hours that you work. And here you are, like still doing it, and I, yeah, like I'm going to be sharing this with them, Like, buddy, like come on, you need to be here for me too.
Speaker 2:Know what it is. It's that I think people I mean I work really hard as well and I I know people around me work really hard but I feel like the the need to sort of understand that it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your work in order to sort of live fully every day. And I think that's where it really weaves into my messaging that I want you to make every day feel like that present day experience and that could be the smallest moments, like a coffee that you share together in the mornings or you going for a walk together at the end of the day, just having those like moments of connection and presence in your day to day. It can look like a big vacation or you know time away and all those things, but it can also just look like really beautiful moments of feeling connected and fulfilled every day, and that adds up to a fulfilling life. So I think that's an important reminder.
Speaker 1:And I think for myself anyways, I prefer to be honest, honest those smaller moments, because I feel the deeper connection and it's not lost in like the grandness of the big moments. And I I know for myself and big moments are big accomplishments when you are supposed to be kind of absorbing it all, it's almost too overwhelming or underwhelming in the same beat Like it can go both.
Speaker 2:It's so true. I mean, I've experienced that even within my business, or even when I launched the book. That's a perfect example of that, because for four years I've worked on this thing and it was like, oh, it's going to come out and there's going to be a launch event and I'm so excited. And then it got into Indigo and I was like so excited. But then what I realized is that it was so fleeting, like it was. I was onto the next thing right away. It was okay, well, now I launched the book, now I have to get it into Indigo. Okay, got into Indigo, now what's next? I need to do more signings and I need to get it international, and there's always things that we'll be chasing. And then we don't necessarily feel like we're celebrating the everyday moments and those big accomplishments. They can. They can feel disappointing or underwhelming and you kind of question like what was that all for? What was all the buildup for? If I don't feel it and I'm not letting it register, in terms of the impact that it's had on you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a similar feeling when I did my first we Gather event, because I think I went in with this expectation that I was going to experience it the same way that my guests experienced it and man was that a letdown.
Speaker 1:I went home and I had FOMO for a week. I was so upset that I couldn't experience it and I was like, how can I experience it like they did? And then I had to come to terms with the fact that I couldn't experience it and I was like, how can I experience it like they did? And then I had to come to terms with the fact that I'll never experience it like they did.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. This is so funny because I feel the same way and, as a fellow event host, I totally get it. And one tip I have for that is when you are planning the events. Yeah, I totally would look at the events and be like I want to just sit down to dinner with everybody. It's so beautiful, and so I've made it a point to go to other people's experiences. Like I've been to your event. It's like I give myself the space to then enjoy it from a guest standpoint and I make sure to fill my cup and be taken care of and nurtured, because you're always pouring so much into the events and so for me it's become really important to like treat myself to a really lovely dinner experience or to go and be nurtured by somebody else and have that same guest experience.
Speaker 1:I think I'm learning that slowly, because I attended a lot more events this year and I was like oh, okay, it takes time, and the irony is you launched these events because you probably were craving those spaces, but then you don't get to partake in the same way, so it's very interesting yeah, it was funny when, uh, someone I know did an event a few weeks ago and she's just like, I didn't talk to anybody, like being a host is hard, like, and I was just like, oh yeah, like let go of all those expectations that you felt like you were going to do. Like you will literally, yeah, it's not what you think.
Speaker 2:I know it's definitely very all consuming and there's so many things that I've learned along the journey of like being an event host and what that brings. And and you know I have the course with Santhi that we did all about building in-person events and the role of the host and what it means to be a host and it's sort of a masterclass in trying to help people play that role of the host, because it is a big role and it is bringing everyone together and there's a lot of responsibility around that. You can either make or break somebody's experience in the way they do it.
Speaker 1:It's so true, and let's talk about those experiences. Let's talk about community. So true, and let's talk about those experiences. Let's talk about community Because I know community is huge for you. It's huge for us as well. So I would love to know what community means to you.
Speaker 2:Community to me is a sense of belonging and it's finding your people where you can be absolutely yourself, unapologetic, just leaning into your most authentic self, and you're just surrounded by people that accept you for you. And I think that's what really differentiates you feeling a sense of community versus feeling lonely, because I know people that have had large groups of friends but they still feel lonely. So it's not always a quantity thing, it's a quality thing in terms of finding those right people, making sure that you feel like you belong and that they welcome you with open arms to be exactly who you are. And even me, having built community over the past eight years, it took me a long time to find that community for myself. It wasn't.
Speaker 2:People assumed that because I hosted events, I automatically had community because I was surrounded by women all the time. But that's not necessarily true, and you know this. As the host, I can't necessarily immerse myself in it or I'm not able to connect in the same way, and so for a long time I really had to dig deep on how to find the community of people that I can be myself with and be open with and nurture those relationships and make sure that it's consistent and reciprocal and all of those things. So it takes time and it takes work. Community is not something that you just land upon. It might've been back in the day if you live in like a village, and it's easier because you have neighbors that pop in at any time. But in today's modern day, tech driven world, community needs to be something that's intentional. The same way that you would go to the gym, the same way that you would nurture your body, community is also part of nurturing yourself, and so you have to take the steps to make it happen.
Speaker 1:You brought up a lot of valid points and I think it's interesting. The first well, the first one that struck with me was obviously the host component and having. Interesting. The first well, the first one that struck with me was obviously the host component and having, when you host an event, the community is a bit different, like you're bringing the community together but you don't necessarily get to tap into that community. Yep, and that was facilitator of the.
Speaker 2:You're like bringing it all together, but then everyone else is sort of building those relationships with each other space, but then you have to also be able to have those reciprocal relationships and find that community.
Speaker 1:And I forgot the other one, so I'm going to come back to it. Oh, community being work yeah, I think that's such a valid point and I'm so happy that you did bring that up, because I think I tend to get that a lot. Sometimes I get like DMs and different things of people wanting community and things and it can be very one sided just looking for community from others, but that I have to reciprocate that in return, but that I don't think people understand how much work.
Speaker 2:It is, yeah for sure. And that's why you hear often that making friends as an adult is difficult, and that's because it's not as easy as being on the playground when you were a kid and you just chat with the kid beside you like want to be friends Great, and then you like skip away together holding hands. I think it's very different now, where it has to be more intentional, and I I kind of equate it to dating. To be honest, I talk about this a lot, how people get discouraged when you meet someone new and then you're like, oh, we kind of clicked, but I don't know they didn't really message me and I feel kind of like weird about it. And now I don't know they didn't really message me and I feel kind of like weird about it and now I don't know where it's going to go and I'm like, look, you're probably going to meet various people in your life the same way that you would if you were single and you're dating and you're not going to necessarily become besties with every single person, the same way that you won't marry every single person that you meet off the bat.
Speaker 2:You're not going to say, oh, that's the one. Off of every date. There might be one in 10 that you even decide to go on a second date with that you think is worth investing in that relationship and community is the same thing. Friendships are the same thing. You might meet somebody and maybe you have a few things in common, but the relationship doesn't go anywhere and that's okay. Then go on to the next person and be like, oh okay, what am I going to talk to this person about? And really allow yourself to just be open to the interactions and not get discouraged by not being able to like instantly become best friends with somebody.
Speaker 1:And I think sometimes, like I know, I keep this in mind for myself, especially making friends, because I always tell my husband I made a friend today. Is that not that certain friends are for certain things, but there are going to be friends in your life or people in your life, that but there are going to be friends in your life or people in your life, that your relationship is only going to be in one thing it might only be work oriented or it might only be like I have friends that I've met through yoga, like being a yoga teacher, and a lot of our friendships are around yoga and having those experiences together, and they don't necessarily get any bigger. Some of them have, and they're a huge part of my life, and some of them kind of just stay. We do things and we touch, you know, touch in with one another here and there, but every friendship or every relationship is equally different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that Because it I think there's an expectation that somebody can fulfill all the needs of a friendship and relationship, and there's also that expectation of romantic partners right, and that's why you realize that you have to have different people in your life to fulfill different areas. And with friendships it's the same thing. It happened to me when I left the corporate world and I started in Biria, and I remember so many of my friends from my corporate world and job and people I went to school with, saying a lot of things around just oh, like, wow, that's such a big risk, what's your backup plan if this doesn't work? And they just didn't really understand it and I get it because it wasn't something that was sort of part of their world, but it didn't really allow us to connect on a new level. And so I found myself working from home every day, feeling super lonely and thinking well, I'm creating events and I'm seeing women all the time, yet here I am all day alone working.
Speaker 2:And so at the time I remember I created a coworking group where every Wednesday we would meet at a different cafe and a group of us would cowork, and I put it out to this women's Facebook group and I had like a hundred responses from women. We're craving this. It's so hard to be an entrepreneur and not have a community. And this was before, you know, coworking spaces were even that big, and it was a while back where not everything was sort of activated to be an experience.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, because now you can find lots of entrepreneurial groups, and for women specifically, which was great, but back then that wasn't really happening, and so I was trying to carve those spaces out, and that took work. I had to organize this thing every Wednesday and have women come and really try and nurture those relationships, but I had to go out and seek it. I could have very easily just hid behind my computer screen and my desk and worked away and felt lonely, but then tried to build a business that brought people together and it just didn't feel right, and so I knew I needed it in my own life, and it did take work, and it's taken the past eight years for me to finally feel like I have a really strong sense of community in Toronto, both through my work and my personal life. Wow.
Speaker 1:Is there. What advice would you give to somebody who's listening, that wants to be a part of community, or is seeking friendships, that are or maybe just hesitant in a variety of different ways? I know I'm sure you know this even when hosting events and everything that a lot of people are like, you know I was intimidated to come. I came on my own. I wasn't sure who was going to be here, I wasn't sure if I was going to connect with anybody, and there's a lot of courage in that. But there's so many women that and I know because I'm sure you get DMS, you get messages that want to do those things but just can't put that foot in front of the other, can't start the journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a lot of messages that I get around that too, because women just want to connect and yet women find it so hard to connect.
Speaker 2:There's this like dichotomy happening of wanting these spaces and craving it, but then being fearful of doing it or not necessarily having it. Allow how, having it be with ease where you're just like oh yeah, that's, that's a yes, I'm going for sure. It's like a lot of feelings come up and I think that's around rejection or just not feeling like you belong, or will you feel out of place. My advice would be one of the things that I really love doing is I used to do this and I want to tell women that you don't have to wait for an invitation to like make something happen, because I think we often just hope that we're going to suddenly get invited to this beautiful dinner party or we're suddenly going to get asked to be part of a wellness class and someone's going to ask us to go for a walk on the weekend and we're waiting and in the waiting we're not doing and we don't nurture those relationships and suddenly feel that we're alone. And so I always say don't wait, go ahead and plan something yourself and put yourself out there and it doesn't have to be in a way that's like, oh, I'm going to just ask strangers to hang out, I'm actually going to do it in a way that feels approachable. So one of the things I recommend out, I'm actually going to do it in a way that feels approachable.
Speaker 2:So one of the things I recommend something that I do as part of my community and as part of my personal life is cookbook clubs. So I love cookbook club. We, a group of us, gather, we each make a dish and we come together for a beautiful family style meal and we dine together and there's great conversation and all the things that we love about bringing people together. And Cookbook Club can feel intimidating to do because you might not know everybody. But if you want to start something like that on your own even if it's like a coffee meetup invite maybe three friends that you know and ask those friends to bring along a friend that you've never met. So that way you feel comfortable having someone there but then bringing someone along that you haven't met, that you can now connect with but you have a mutual reason to talk because you're a mutual friend and you can kind of bridge the gap that way. So it doesn't feel so intimidating. So there's so many ways that you can host and have people over and I feel like we also don't open up our homes enough.
Speaker 2:A lot of women are hosting because they think their homes need to be perfect for people to come inside, as if it has to look like a Pinterest board and everything needs to be perfect. And I always say it doesn't matter what your house looks like, it doesn't matter what the dinner even is. It could honestly be asking someone to come over for tea and cookies or wine and popcorn or whatever. Insert your thing of choice. Or come over for tea and cookies or wine and popcorn or whatever. Insert your thing of choice.
Speaker 2:Or come over for a movie night and your house can be messy. Let them see those parts of you Like, allow yourself to be vulnerable in that way. And when you open up your home, it just allows this deeper connection with people, because they're getting to see a different part of your life that they might not have been exposed to otherwise. And I always find that people don't remember that your house that they might not have been exposed to otherwise. And I always find that people don't remember that your house was clean or not, they remember if you felt connected, and that's all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we've all walked into a super clean house being like I don't even want to sit on anything, exactly Cause I don't want to mess it up.
Speaker 1:I prefer when a house looks lived in, or a home or apartment or whatever, and going into it because I can immediately relax my shoulders, like I can immediately just breathe easy, being like oh, people live here, people are living in this space, they're not just like moving around it, like there's things are happening, like it's nice to not see perfection all the time, because we see that on our phones so much.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:It's nice to see humans as humans. Yes, absolutely Nothing more, nothing less.
Speaker 1:And I love how you brought up the cookbook club. I joined a book club recently in my community and it's been really, really fun and I didn't know anybody going into it and I'm pretty confident to go out and just go do those things. But I know maybe some of the women there and I know women that joined the club or said after that they joined the club they're like I don't even read this genre of book. I literally just wanted to be a part of something and I figure I'll just. It will grow on me as we continue with the book.
Speaker 2:That's so funny. I love that they did that, though, because it shows how much women are craving community, right, like I don't even care what this is, I just need to get around other people, which is amazing, because it does show the courage of then putting yourself out there. So something is going to come of it, regardless of whether you're into the book or not. So I think that's really powerful. But it is funny because women are absolutely craving these spaces, and I think, more than ever I think post-pandemic and just us being on our phones and our screens and all the things all the time. We are craving human connection more than ever before. So it's really swinging the other way, where we just all want to be in community and in person all the time.
Speaker 1:And I feel like the dynamic between women have changed a lot. I feel like in the earlier friendships that I've had when I was younger, they just weren't the same. Like younger, meaning like early thirties, like not even like that long ago 30. I'm not going to say my age. I already did it publicly on Instagram. Find it if you want it. But honestly, like, I feel like like as, especially as I'm getting older, I think the relationships that I want to have are more real and authentic and vulnerable. I don't want surface and I don't want to pretend to be somebody, and I feel like for the longest part of my life I was like dressing how I thought people would want me to dress and being kind of like having the conversations, and not that I was fake in a way, but just not really tapping into who I wanted to be and just could never really relax in a particular situation unless I had like four glasses of wine. Then Portia would really come out, yeah.
Speaker 2:I feel like that's the beauty of aging, that, literally, is the beauty of getting older and just stepping more into who you are and being unapologetic about it and allowing the people that see you and appreciate you gravitate to you, versus forcing yourself in circles where it doesn't feel authentic or aligned. Because we all know how that feels when you leave those gatherings thinking I feel depleted, I don't feel fulfilled, and that's, to me, the biggest sign of whether or not you're around the right people for you. Because if you're leaving a gathering feeling depleted, it means your energy is drained and that you aren't around people that are lighting you up or that are filling your cup. So you'll notice the difference If you leave something feeling energized and fulfilled and inspired and motivated and all the things that you know, that you found your people, and they don't have to be best friends, they could just be groups of people that give you that energy and that fulfillment yeah, 100.
Speaker 1:So I want to kind of this is like switching. We're kind of switching gears a little bit, removing it's still probably a community will be embedded in it. But I really want to talk about the here and now, because this is something that's so important to me. It's important to like all my events. It's literally the yoga instructor in me that always comes out, and one of the biggest things that it has taught me is to be in the here and now and to be present, and so I think I would just love for you to talk about what that means for you. I think you touched on it a little bit at the beginning, but maybe dive into it a little bit more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really have learned over time. It took me a long time to get to this place and it's still a work in progress, but I just notice when I'm doing things, if I'm not fully immersed in it and I'm distracted, then I'm just not able to fully enjoy the experience or be present to what's in front of me, and I don't want to live my life that way. I want to live my life soaking in the moments of the present, of whatever is in front of me, because there's always going to be something happening in the future, there's always going to be something you could be thinking about in terms of the past, and all we really are guaranteed is that present moment. So why are we so busy distracting ourselves from it? And for me, that has a lot to do with technology. I just think with social media and your apps and phones, we are just constantly being pulled away from the present. I mean we can't even stand in line anymore at, like, a grocery store or at a coffee shop or whatever without pulling our phones out. If somebody leaves the table to go to the bathroom, we pull our phones out, like it is every moment of every day and we're all guilty of it and it's not fully our fault because the apps are designed that way. It's just make us feel entertained and excited all the time and looking for these hits of dopamine.
Speaker 2:But for me, it's being so aware and conscious of that relationship that I have with my device and the relationship I have with my actual life outside of my phone and I think that's a huge delineation that we all need to make that we can spend our lives watching other people living or we can actually go with our own. And I love saying that because I think it's so interesting, especially with the rise of like videos, that you know people are getting ready in the videos or you're actually watching someone live their life, which you know. There's a time and a place. Everyone likes watching certain things and no judgment, but it also is does that make you feel better about yourself or does it not? And I think that's a really important question to ask yourself, because if you're spending a lot of time pulled away from the present moment, I really think it's important to check in and say, well, did that hour on my phone make me feel good or would I have felt better doing something in the here and now in my life?
Speaker 1:Yeah. And so when I hear, well, the here and now to me is all about self-awareness and self-awareness is very hard for people because I feel I know for myself, I feel like I was half-ass living in the present moment. That's how I'm going to claim it Kind of in, kind of out, more in than out, but obviously needed some work. Then I went through something where I was not really in the present moment, completely lost myself during that time and went back. So my I always kind of prided myself on being so self-aware, but I was so unaware of what I was doing to myself. So I had to go back to the basics and so become reacquainted with who I was and what things did to me, like looking on my phone for two hours on TikTok. What is that really doing to my body, my mind, my soul. How am I really feeling about this? And it really is about self-awareness and sitting still with yourself. So what advice or tips would you give for somebody who is looking to hone in on their self-awareness?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a great question and a great journey that you sort of have gone through to come back to that place of awareness, because it's so easy to not pay attention right, like it's easier to not. So it does take work and it does take effort and it does take habit building. Like it might sound simple and fluffy, but it really is about the habits that you build in your everyday and over time that will equate to results. I always equate it to like working out or you know anything like that. When you do something good for yourself, you're going to see the results of it over time. So habits for yourself to bring more awareness into your life.
Speaker 2:For me that means like not looking at my phone first thing in the morning. I just simply do not. It's just like a non-negotiable in the mornings. In the evenings it's not in bed with me. Like my phone is not accessible from my bed because if it is, I just don't want to be scrolling before I go to bed. I don't want to be scrolling first thing in the morning.
Speaker 2:There's a limited amount of energy and creativity that we have sort of within us that we want to tap into on a day-to-day basis. And if your first thing is looking at how other people are sort of being creative and allowing yourself to be sucked into that. You lose touch with your own intuition and your own gut and it starts to point you in all sorts of different directions and make you question yourself and doubt what you're doing and doubt your self-worth and all the things, and so I just don't want to allow that sort of into my space. Obviously, it can happen like things come up and there's times where I'll just be checking a text and suddenly I'm on Instagram and I'm like well, how did I get here? But it's that awareness like noticing, it's the art of noticing, like allow yourself to constantly check in and notice your behaviors. Same thing with when I'm at a dinner table, even having my phone face down. That's not good enough for me, because I know that when a phone is in sight, like research shows that you're still thinking about it and it's still distracting to people. So just because you can't see your notifications doesn't mean you're not like looking to reach out for your phone. So just phones off the table to me is such an important thing and, throughout the day, just being very present with whatever it is that I'm doing.
Speaker 2:If I'm working. I'm working Like, don't, I don't need a million distractions, I don't need a million open and hopping over from place to place If I'm cooking dinner, allowing myself to like be immersed with the activity. I think we're all trying to also like multitask and do all the things right. So it's like oh, I'm going on a walk, I'm going to listen to a podcast, and then maybe I'll call a friend and maybe I'm going to do this and I'm going to walk my dog. So great, you're just like oh, my gosh, we got to simplify, like let's strip things out to become more aware, versus adding things in. I actually just, we all need less of everything and not more. And right now, the wellness industry is telling us we need more, but we don't, we really don't.
Speaker 1:No, and I'm so happy that you brought that up, because I feel like that's a battle sometimes that I have with myself and I think even in conversations with other people. Not that we're battling in conversations, but especially when you're sharing your experiences and there is a lot of people kind of telling you you know, you should be doing this and you should be doing that, and if you're not doing this, then you're not well enough. Or you know, if you're feeling this, it should be this. And you know I had someone reach out to me because I went through adrenal fatigue and they're like what did you do, portia?
Speaker 1:And I was like I stopped doing everything and literally just simplified my life. Oh my, if I went like I said, because I started the first month trying to do all of the things and that was so overwhelming that was making it worse, it wasn't making it better. And then I decided goodbye everything and I literally went, did one thing and it was meditation. I'm like that changed me, that changed my life, and it changed quickly. It wasn't like like it was a slow roll, but the effects of it, even for five minutes was changing. You could tell the difference after, and so it was funny where I think she was expecting like and this tip, and this tip, and get this thing, and get this thing, and I was like no, literally. Like, address the stressors in your life, the good and the bad, and find something that brings self-awareness to you. That's it and start there.
Speaker 2:I love that because, honestly, it's kind of funny that we're all seeking more information on everything. We have information overload. We have content overload and information overload. We don't need more Like it's there If we need answers. There's already so much to sift through that feels overwhelming and complicated and I think we're all looking for quick fixes on things. So we are just seeking constantly.
Speaker 2:But sometimes it's like you have to shut out all of that and you just tune within and your body has this beautiful ability to heal itself. And it can be hard and it can be complicated and navigating that journey is not an easy one and I know that it does require, you know, the support of professionals sometimes or external help. But it's exactly what you said. It's like sometimes it's one thing and that is what I say with like the wellness practices and self-care and everyone's always talking about self-care routines and I'm like you don't have to wake up and feel like you need to journal and meditate and workout and do a cold plunge and sauna and go for a walk and get sunshine and read a little, listen to a podcast, maybe make a smoothie, like can you imagine? I'm just listing off. I could still go on and that doesn't even cover your, like, morning skincare routine and all the things. There's so much. It's like exhausting, even just saying it.
Speaker 2:And so I've really realized, like, listen to your body. I think we've become disconnected from, like our intuition and you know this, I'm sure, from yoga, where it is about tuning in and tuning back into what you actually want, what you actually need, and I think we convince ourselves, like even with a workout, it's like oh, I have to do this HIIT workout or I have to go to class, or I have to do yoga. When you wake up, ask your body what it needs, like, does it need slower movement today? Does it want to go for a run? Does it feel like just getting fresh air? I think if we live more intuitively and align with ourselves through that self-awareness, then we're actually going to be happier and more fulfilled. Through that self-awareness, then we're actually going to be happier and more fulfilled.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so true, so true. Like literally my life in the last like three weeks where I was like I really need to get my workouts in because I just started weightlifting again and I was like, yeah, and then I'm like, I'm so tired, I would much rather just be outside and just like walk my dog and just kind of like cruise around, no music, and just like think that was me, that was also me.
Speaker 2:I think it's because it's, you know, winter right now and we're also just craving like nesting a little bit, yeah. But I've been giving myself that permission to like pause and rest and I think I could push through a workout for sure if I needed to. I'd be like, yeah, oh, I should get that sweat in, but instead I was like maybe I'll just do like a slow Pilates at home in the morning and you know, not have to like be doing burpees Like it just didn't feel like it, and so sometimes we have to honor that and I think you just will feel more, more fulfilled if we allow ourselves that permission. It's like we're seeking it from someone else, but we need to give it to ourselves.
Speaker 1:We do. I say that all the time in class. I'm like give yourself permission to be here.
Speaker 2:Exactly Tell yourself you're allowed. Yes, and it's funny that we need to even remind ourselves of that. I think we're all looking for it, like who's going to give me? And that's why when someone comes to your events or my events and it's like, oh, you gave me the permission to just like be and have a really beautiful dinner or connect, and I'm like, yes, because you deserve it and we all do, we all deserve all of that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it feels good, like I'm always like after every class I'm like just take a moment and notice how you feel. Like don't judge it, don't be like I should be feeling more zen right now, you know. Or my leg is kind of doing a thing like just notice how you feel. I'm sure you feel significantly better in one version one way or another, before you came to class absolutely, and understand how that feels, because you can replicate that. You can do that at home. Like you don't need me to help you with this. Like you, literally, you know how to help you with this. Like you, literally, you know how to harness this feeling.
Speaker 1:Close your eyes, take a breath yes type of thing like I'm, like I'm always like take the zen with you people like totally more deep breaths throughout the day really necessary yeah, like these things don't just have to happen. When you place yourself in an experience, whether it be a dinner, whether it be at a book club or a cookbook club or a yoga class you don't need to step into the room to experience that, to have that.
Speaker 2:It's so interesting that you say that because that's exactly why I wrote the book because I didn't want people to feel that they only had to come to an event to experience it and women would say that to me. They'd be like how do I have this feeling outside of this? I love coming to your events and I'm like you can have this every day. You can absolutely add beauty and joy and fulfillment to your everyday life and that's why, when the pandemic happened and my events were paused, the in-person events were on pause and I was able to pour into writing the book for that very reason, because I do think that we need those daily practices and daily rituals and little things that bring us into a joyful moment in our day-to-day lives go back to guilt, right, because people will see these things like a yoga class, like a book club, as a extracurricular, as something added, not just something that they can just have in their life, that it doesn't have to, you know.
Speaker 1:you know what I mean. So, and there's guilt in association with that you can't, I can't just live and be living. I, you know, there has to be guilt with it. And so what would you say to people that are feeling a little bit guilty of, you know, putting those things in their life, feeling like maybe I don't deserve this or I only deserve this when I feel this way?
Speaker 2:This is such a strong sort of topic because women often feel that they need to do something to earn something also earn the reward.
Speaker 2:And it's as simple as bringing it back to the analogy of an airplane oxygen mask, like you have to put yours on first before you can pour into anything else.
Speaker 2:And so when you take that time for yoga class, or even if you go to the spa for half a day or go get a massage, or you go out for a really long walk, even though there's like a million things to do, when you get back home, you are filling your cup.
Speaker 2:And when you fill your cup, you are able to show up better, not just for the people around you, but also for yourself. You'll be more focused, you'll feel more energized, you'll just have more joy to spread, and I just think we're often so busy doing and not being, and so if we learn to just be and fill our cups that way, then we can actually get more done, which is ironic. We don't think it works that way, but you can, because you'll be more focused and you'll be more effective in your work. It's not even about efficiency, it's like being effective at the things you do, because there'll be more clarity and you'll come from a place of being calm and not overwhelmed and frantic and scattered, because you took the time that you need for filling your cup, and so I'm a huge advocate for making sure that your cup is filled and that you feel like you're truly living your life.
Speaker 1:A hundred percent and I feel like you come from like a happier place, cause you're like oh, I just did something for me, exactly Good, and I like yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and sometimes I could be like go get your haircut and get your hair Like it's like little things. And then I often hear women be like, oh my God, I feel so much better. It's like, yeah, because you took care of yourself, like you're just showing yourself that you care about you.
Speaker 1:And that's what matters. I saw this thing on TikTok, where it kind of relates to it, kind of doesn't, but it's that same feeling of just feeling good and it's just like a simple little trick, but it was put on just red lipstick. So, even if, did you, have you seen that we're the? Oh?
Speaker 2:it's in my book. It's in my book because it's actually an experience in the book that, like, get dressed up. It's called all the activity and it's like, do it even if you're going to the grocery store. And it doesn't mean like, oh, I'm doing it to impress anyone, it's for your own self-confidence, of like, just yeah, put on a heel, put on red lipstick, put on a scarf. Like just do something to make yourself feel good and you'll see the effects.
Speaker 1:It. It's so, it's so amazing. There was. There was another question I wanted to ask, but it'll come back. It will float back into my mind, will it? Portia? Probably not. I didn't write it down. Usually write them down, um, okay, so I feel honestly, I feel like we could talk all day. I just love this conversation. I feel like we just are so aligned in that way. I think we have so many things that we both take as value in our life. It's very much our mission and purpose, and I really am watching your stories. I'm like I need to get to a Palik event. I really want to.
Speaker 2:Definitely need to get to a Palak event. I really want to Definitely need to come to one. I obviously host them through the social club now, but I'll have occasional open house events.
Speaker 1:That's what I've been watching for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll do an occasional open house event where everyone can come check it out. I used to do them only sort of publicly for over five years and that's what I had done like 400 of them. And then I was like, okay, I'm making this part of the social clubs. Now, if you're part of the club, access to all the events, mostly for free, so you just come because you're a paid member, but I will do open house events as well and I also do brand dinners as well and brand events put together.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you should definitely come to me to come. I need to come, I need to experience it, yeah, so what is? I always have this question for everybody. So what is one piece of advice that you would like to leave here?
Speaker 2:Oh, there's so many things I could say in terms of what I want people to feel, but I would say kind of going with the theme that we. I would say kind of going with the theme that we've talked about today is to allow yourself to quiet the noise a little bit and just see what unfolds as a result. So, whether that means spending a little less time on your phone, whether that means opting to do a creative hobby or try a new class instead of binge watching a show, whether that means not working until you feel depleted and maybe allowing yourself to like rest if you need it, but just allow, like, allow yourself to quiet the noise and see what comes up, and I think it will surprise people in terms of what happens.
Speaker 1:It will surprise me. I barely watch TV now. It's crazy Amazing. The best, yeah, I have other things to fill my time, Hence the book club. But exactly, Well, this is an amazing conversation. I'm just so grateful. Grateful for you and grateful that our paths crossed when they did.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. I love chatting about all these things with you, so thanks, my pleasure.
