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THIS IS WE
Unlocking True Voices Sabrina's Path to Embracing Real Stories
Join us for an inspiring conversation with Sabrina, a former model who reinvented herself as a farmer and champion for women's voices. Sabrina shares her incredible journey from the world of fashion, battling body dysmorphia and trauma, to empowering women to transcend societal labels and embrace their authentic selves. Through personal stories and candid reflections, she reveals the resilience required to overcome self-doubt, emphasizing the importance of storytelling in fostering connections and healing.
Discover how to unlock your true voice with the VIEW method, focusing on Voice, Information, Experiences, and Wisdom. We discuss the transformative power of sharing personal truths without blame and the importance of embracing feedback, both positive and negative. Sabrina talks about the challenges of self-doubt and imposter syndrome, highlighting how adopting a beginner's mindset can help us see the world with fresh eyes and build confidence as a learnable skill.
As we wrap up, Sabrina and I emphasize the importance of sharing your story, no matter how small it may seem. Every story holds the potential to inspire and connect with others, creating ripple effects of positive change. We encourage you to appreciate life's simple pleasures, stay present in the moment, and take action on your dreams today—because true progress is made with small, consistent steps. Whether it's starting a new project or simply voicing your story to one person, each step brings you closer to embracing your full, authentic self.
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Find Portia Chambers, founder of The We Experience on Instagram
Join me, portia Chambers, as I sit down with women just like you, sharing moments in their lives that shaped them into who they are today Stories of motherhood, betrayal, transformation, love and loss, vulnerable conversations, deep connection and collective healing. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. I am so excited to have our next guest here with us. Sabrina is a gulb trotter party girl turned rookie farmer, currently raising a number of fur and feather babies alongside her three human sons on a 70 acre farmstead in the woods. When Sabrina is not farming, mumming, helping women claim their voice, speaking on stage or running her businesses, you will likely find her somewhere near water, feverishly writing and or reading a good nonfiction book. So welcome, thank you.
Speaker 1:I love that I love it too. When I was reading your bio, I was like like I'm really resonating with it. I love it.
Speaker 2:You took out all like the professional stuff, all the good stuff, like that's the real me, you know.
Speaker 1:And it feels good to actually hear somebody say that out loud, because I feel like so much of what we hear on the internet these days is like, oh, this degree and that degree and this book and that book, yeah, yes, and we're like I am and like at the we Experience, we're all about kind of removing those titles, those labels, which is funny because I never really even realized that until I did a podcast, like someone interviewing me to be like, how did you remove your labels, Portia? And I was like what are you talking about? And I was like, oh okay, Well, you know, I figured myself out, but I just, yeah, I love a good bio. That is about the individual and not about all the other amazing things that we do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly the non-bio version of humans, real humans.
Speaker 1:Yes. So I'm really excited to hear your story today, and when I was reading about what you wanted to share, it really resonated with me and it's really all about finding your own voice, and I feel like I've spent a lot of my 20s and my early 30s really trying to find my voice and be confident in that, and so I'm gonna stop talking and I'm gonna turn it to you and, yeah, share a little bit about yourself and your story Awesome.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I guess I'll share a little bit about the bio version. So it makes sense as to why I'm here talking about, you know, finding your voice. So you know, in high school my guidance counselor wasn't like you're going to be a publisher one day, so it was never really on my radar to become a book publisher, which is one of the titles and hats that I wear proudly today. You know, I don't know if you can see behind me, but we've helped over 450 women bring their story to market in the form of a published book. So that's what I do. But really what I do, if you dig a little deeper, is I help women discover their voice. But in order to do that, I had to discover mine first, and I think that you know I'm in my 40s, I'm a mom of three. As you mentioned in my bio, I am a rookie farmer, which really just means a hobby farm, and you know I'm YouTube trained on how to do all these things. I am by no means a real life farmer, but we do have animals, and you know. So, going from where I was which I'll tell you about in a second to where I am now, it it was not a linear path and I think that's something so, so important to talk about, because you, you know, social media really does show us the highlight reel and you know the the perfect squares of somebody's existence and you don't see how they got there, you don't see the story. And that's really why I think I fell into publishing books and helping women, you know, get their TED talks and you know I'm an authority coach is what I call myself to authority, like a play on words, author itty. So I really help women like claim their authority as well as their voice, because I think it's something that we as women have really been, you know, stripped of for generations and, you know, centuries, honestly, and I think it's just so important that we claim that back. So that's sort of a backstory of what I do and like where I am now, but how I got here.
Speaker 2:That story is it could probably be an hour long story in itself, but I'll break it down into the cold notes so I was a fashion model. That was. You know. I started modeling when I was 12 years old. Wow, and everyone thinks that that's such a glamorous life and that's such a glamorous industry. It is the opposite of glamorous, you know. I. I suffered from severe trauma, body dysmorphia, disordered eating. A lot of you know textbook me too moments, if you will, a lot of what I call industry abuse, where you know, as a model, you're often treated as an object, like a mannequin, and you know they're. They're manipulating your, your body and your hair and your skin and your, the way you look, and not really focusing on the human that's underneath that. So a lot of what I experienced has now become the platform for which I share my voice. So you know, I've turned my trauma into triumph.
Speaker 2:I've turned my pain into power, whatever, you know euthanism, you want to use to express it, but that's why I'm so passionate about what I do, Cause you know it came from. I want to close the gap for, for women who are experiencing any level of self-doubt of, you know, low self-esteem of any sort of beauty or body issues or dysmorphias, or you know, because it doesn't have to be that way.
Speaker 2:It doesn't have to be that way. So if I can make the journey to get to here, where I am now, which is, you know, fully in love with myself on a human level, on a deeper level than the skin that I you know, the skin suit I'm wearing around this universe, then I want to do that, I want to help people do that, and I also want to show women that you know our voice matters and you don't have to publish a bestselling book or do a TED talk to matter. But if you can, then why wouldn't you Exactly? Yeah, right, why not?
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, my gosh, that's incredible. I didn't even. I didn't even know. Well, I usually do if I don't know the guests, that's on my thing. I do a little bit of a deep dive in their Instagram. You got to creep them out a little bit and I didn't know that you were a model.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my TED talk that I just finished last well, in June, so several months ago was called redefining beauty in the digital era, and it really was about. You know, ted looks for either a new thing altogether, a new idea, or an old problem with a new iteration, which is what I focused on. So you know, I experienced all of the things that I experienced in modeling. But you know, children as young as four years old have access to these beauty improvement apps is what they call them Beauty improvement, which is really a filter that changes the image, like your image of yourself, kids as young as four years old. And you know it's like the bunny ears and the little characters are super fun. You know my kids love seeing themselves as Disney characters. Or, you know, wearing little deer ears or a funny little button nose or whatever. But like, where, where does that end and how deep does that go systemically, and what kind of harm is that creating for our youth If we're normalizing, changing the way you look for likes, for comments, for validation, for dopamine hits like what, what even is that Right?
Speaker 2:So I took an old problem that I experienced. You know I say old but I'm in my 40s, not that old. My kids, might, you know, call me out on that one. But yeah, it's an older problem. It's not, it's an existing problem. It's been happening forever. Right, body modification, changing the way we look for for validation, for acceptance, for approval. You know, it really does affect our self esteem. So that's where my TED talk came from, that's where my passion came from. So, you know, I look at the modeling as it's my origin story. It's, it's something that I went through and, you know, survived, and now I'm on the other side of it to to help other people.
Speaker 2:because I know, as a woman and I was once a young girl and you know, I know that feeling of you know, wanting to be liked, wanting to be famous, wanting to be seen, wanting to be heard, and it's hard to navigate how to do that in a way that's healthy and safe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%. I feel like I'm trying to navigate that with my daughter who's 17. And we don't like I never like. I'm such like a nudist parent in a way where I'm not ashamed of my body, you know, and I'll just walk not walk around my house, but you know what I mean Like whatever, because I really didn't want her to be ashamed of her own body. And we don't talk about our bodies, we don't talk about diet, we talk about, you know, fueling ourselves. Like how can we sustain ourselves through the days and the activities that we have every single day? My daughter is a huge sugar junkie. So it's not like I'm like you know, she knows sugar is bad, but I'm not like sugar is going to make you fat or have shame around these things. I'm just like you know, maybe eat it with an apple or something let's find balance here, people but nothing like that. But I know exactly what you mean and the filters and everything.
Speaker 1:And I always look back, like at myself, like when, if I was 17 now, like how I would feel, and I think it would just be so crippling for me and because I think a lot of what you were saying the external validation, wanting to be seen, wanting to be heard, was a huge part of my life, especially at that age, especially when I was trying to figure out who I was. I think social media would just totally cripple me. And it did, cause I was never on social media. And then I did for a business of mine. I did the filters and I did everything.
Speaker 1:And I was talking to a friend of mine after like two years and she's just said, you know, filters are so, you know yesterday, and I was like yeah, they are so yesterday. And then after that moment I was like I'm never using a filter again. But it gave me the ick just looking at myself on social media with no filters. I don't typically wear a lot of makeup, so it was really really hard to like look at myself through that lens. And so I think it's so empowering to be able to help other women, you know, come through that lens, and so I think it's so empowering to be able to help other women, you know, come through that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, and we have a responsibility. I think to the next. You know I'm a mom of three boys and they're not immune, right? You know my. I have one son who's 18. And then I have a 10 year old and an eight year old. And the 10 and the eight year old often come off the bus some days and they look at me and say, oh, crying.
Speaker 2:You know, somebody made fun of my hair or somebody said I was fat, or somebody said I was too skinny. Like it never makes sense, right? It's never. It's never like an actual thing. It's, it's a projection of something else. And I, we, we really have these conversations about that around. You know, often when somebody feels the need to bring you down, it's because they're down and they need to be brought back up. So we have conversations around that and you know, if I really look and reflect on that, that's what I do in my life.
Speaker 2:It's like people are brought down every day. Women are brought down by society. Women are brought down by, you know, these beauty ideals that are crazy and also not even just beauty and physical things. But, like you know, there's so many money coaches and you know people who are like over. Some people refer to it as toxic positivity, which there's just so much of it. Right, it's hard to really filter through what is real and what's not, and what's authentic and what's not. So my goal is really to help women discover what their true voice is, what their true purpose is, and not give any Fs about what other people think, and not in a bad way, not like oh, I just don't care about anyone.
Speaker 2:No walk around the world like giving everyone the middle finger. It's not a rebellious, it's more of an empowered movement where you know you, you claim who you are, you claim what you are here to say, you claim what your purpose is here to do and you don't move from that. You're unshakable in your conviction for your mission and that's really what I want to help women achieve. So it has very little to do with beauty, it has very little to do with the physical. It's a lot to do that's deeper. So that's the work I do with my clients and you know the people in my world is really helping them discover that voice. But it took me a while to find my own and get here.
Speaker 1:So tell us a little bit about that, about discovering your own voice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I really like to operate in acronyms because you know, people learn differently. Some people are visual learners, I find, with acronyms maybe it's the writer in me or the, the author in me that, you know, has this thing with words, but acronyms like it, it brings me home. So I always use this acronym called view for discovering your voice, and voice is also an acronym, so so I won't go too deep into it. But really it's about like your voice, and your voice is not your. Like. The V in view is your voice. It's not about the sound that comes out of your mouth when you speak, it's about the, the depth of it, the tone. Like, how are you speaking to people? Are you speaking to people like they're they're silly and you know, like they're babies? Are you speaking to people like they're silly and you know like they're babies? Are you speaking to people like they're intelligent, like they understand what you're talking about? Like, how are you showing up? And that translates not just like your voice, of course, as you're speaking, but it also translates into your writing, it translates into you know how you are around your family, how you are around people. So, like how are you showing up? That's the voice.
Speaker 2:And then the second piece is information. So that's like the stuff that you collect over the years. It can be formal education, sure, but then there's also you know things that you've watched, like maybe it's a movie or a YouTube video or something. It's like we I think we discredit how freaking smart we are, like how much information we actually have up there, because we get so distracted by what everyone else is doing. Yeah, we forget how smart we are, we forget how like informed we are and how much you know knowledge we have. So finding your voice is really about the view method is about like getting that tone down, like how, who are you authentically and how are you showing up the information that you have collected over the years that really informs, like your message and how, how you enunciate it to the world.
Speaker 2:Then the E is experiences, and this is where you know my voice really started to come to life is sharing my experiences from a place of truth. Right, truth is the highest frequency that there is, right, like, if you believe in vibrations and all of these things which everyone is energy. It's all it's, it's real. So it's like truth is the highest frequency. So how can you share what you've your personal experiences from a place of truth. And this isn't about blaming other people. You'll never hear me blame modeling for X, or blame my parents, for you know generational things or blame. It's about taking responsibility for how those experiences contributed to the now version of you and, even farther, the higher level version of you. That's coming right, the elevated version of you. So your experiences. And then the W is wisdom. So wisdom is essentially the embodiment of all three. How are you embodying those things and coming out to help other people with that? So it's like this full circle you know your voice, your information, your experiences and your wisdom and it comes full circle and that's how you share your voice. So once you find it like, once you figure out all the little puzzle pieces, then share it, because just holding that into yourself doesn't serve anyone right, but sharing it with the world.
Speaker 2:And listen, I get a lot of slack from people. I get a lot of like negative Nellies or whatever you want to call it. I get a lot of hate on the internet. That's what I don't care about. It's not about you know, I don't care about anyone and I'm just going to give everyone the middle finger and like, be a certain way. I care, I care deeply about people. That's why I do what I do, cause I think it's important work.
Speaker 2:But when somebody has something negative to say, I simply say I'm sorry you feel that way. This is my truth. You know, there's an unfollow button right there. If you don't like it, then bye, right. So I think what I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to share your voice because of that. You know, as humans, we focus so, so intently on the negative way more than the positive. I'll get like 30 likes on something and then one like down thumb and you're like, oh, I can't ever talk about it again, right, and it's, that's human nature, it's the same. We focus so much on the one negative thing and not the hundreds of positive things, right? So it's really just like sifting through, taking things for face value and really like finding the gratitude in the comments where people are like wow, thank you for sharing that. That really changed something for me, that really woke me up to something like these are everything, and that's why we we do this, that's why we share our voice, that's why we share our story.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, there's so many good things that you said in there. Okay, the first thing we look back, the first thing I think that is really resonates with like the we experience not only just me, but just the we experience as its entity is fuck what they think, because that's our, that's a huge motto of ours and, and it's the same thing it's not about F you all, I don't care, no kindness. It's really about I'm going to let all that other stuff roll off my back. Yeah, I'm not going to care. Like it is what it is, it's letting go of the control, of the uncontrollable, easing into the things that make you feel good. So I loved that you said that, because I think it just resonates so much and I think there's so much power in that and it's I know for myself like I can't say like I'm fully in that, like fully there, but like the journey is can be a bit of a slow roll, in a sense, to really let things go, especially the negative comments or the little voice, the voice in the back of your head telling you that you're not good enough. And what if these people think all these things, especially when you are being vulnerable and you are sharing an aspect of yourself where you're like I don't want.
Speaker 1:I know for myself, like sometimes I'm like I don't think I want to share this fully because I don't want people to say something, because maybe I don't feel as educated as I should in this specific topic, or the wisdom is from experience, not from something tangible like going to school, or you know, and I find for myself that can kind of hold me back a little bit. And you know, because I always said, like when my parents, my brothers, laugh at me, my husband laughs at me, but I'm always like I always said like I wasn't book smart, I was street smart. Like, like you know, like my brothers were far more talented in the book smarts area than I was, but I figured I managed it. But sometimes that's still that thing that haunted me when I was 16 still haunts me now at 38. Still not feeling, you know, smart enough to be in the conversation or be in the room with other people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's a really good point, because I think the voice in our head is the meanest one of all. Right, it's the one that shows up and you don't even know where it's coming from, at least when you can read a troll on the internet and you're like okay, delete, delete that message, or you know, block or hide or unfollow or whatever that is, but you can't do that to yourself, no.
Speaker 2:So I think it's so important in in this process of finding your voice, to to be gentle and and be gracious with yourself and really just almost like the mean girl voice in your head is a small child. Just be like it's okay. I acknowledge you, I see you, I feel you there and it's okay. I know you're hurt, I know, I know that that happened to you. I know that you're scared, I know that.
Speaker 2:But it's okay, it's okay, I love you anyway. And then you show up, right, it's like such a powerful thing to acknowledge that voice as separate, because not like I start talking to yourself like a crazy person thing, but acknowledge that voice as separate because it is. That is the ego. It is a separate entity. And the more we learn like your mind is a muscle, right, the more we learn to train that voice to not go away, because it will never go away and the more you resist it, the more it will persist. Right, but to train it to that you acknowledge it and you love on it and you just say it's okay, I see you, girl, you're good, you're good, it's okay, I know you're there. I, I see you, girl, you're good, you're good, it's okay, I know you're there, I've got you, it's okay, you can say those things and it's not going to get me.
Speaker 2:Because that's how I think we really develop confidence, because confidence is something we're not born with. Nobody's born confident and I think that's like. We just think that we're not confident, like we were just born, not confident, like that's just who I am. We think of it as like a trait, like being blonde or being, you know, blue eyes or whatever it's like. I'm just not confident. That's not true. Confident is a skill that can be learned. It's something that you can develop over time and it takes practice and it takes, you know. It takes learning and educating and figuring out how to do it. And I think that is a big block, for a lot of people is just simply giving up on that, because they believe that it's just ingrained in them that they're not that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I wholeheartedly believe that, because people always, you know, say to me oh, portia, you're so confident and I was like well, you know, it might seem like that on the outer shell, but on the inside it's like a chaotic mess and I'm I'm talking myself up Like my, my inner voice is going you got this, portia, you could do it, it's fine. But it really is and I and I try to. When you were talking about confidence, it's just sometimes you really have to walk in with a beginner mindset and be okay with that. Like that's my yoga.
Speaker 1:I'm a yoga teacher, so that's very much like a principle of yoga is walk into every practice with a beginner mindset. You're not the same person you were yesterday. I feel that way with anything that you feel like not confident in is just walk in within a beginner mindset. Everybody is a beginner at some point, like when I first did my first event. I'm a beginner, you know. Like this is the first time, I don't know everything here. I'm learning as I go and it's okay to it's, and that's okay because everybody's doing it secretly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think there's a big nugget there, because so many people fake confidence so they walk into the room like they're a know-it-all, like they know everything, and it's actually very humbling and very gracious to meet somebody who you know I've had mentors, people who I admire, who I look up to, who have that sort of mindset where they walk in like a beginner and you're like whoa, you feel that way, whoa, you experience like imposter syndrome and all the things like. You're like whoa, you feel that way, whoa, you experience like imposter syndrome and all the things. Like you're this person. That's crazy Like.
Speaker 2:And I think we have this way of like pedestalling people where we think, you know, because someone's confident, or because they're more experienced, or because they're wealthier, or you know, have more of X, y, z or whatever the thing is like, insert your thing, you know, have more of X, y, z or whatever the thing is like, insert your, your thing, you know. We put them on a pedestal, and I think that's a very dangerous thing to do actually is to pedestal people, celebrities or mentors or anyone you know. We're all equal. It's about like, shoulder to shoulder, like, and that's why I think it's so important that the only person we speak down to, like a, like a child in that sense, the only person we, like you know, talk to you with our little voice, is the voice in our head, where we're like it's okay, sweetie, just calm down, You're good.
Speaker 2:And then everyone else. It's like equal power, equal power. We're all different. We all have our own experiences, our own information, our own voice, our own, like. All of our journeys are all different, but we're all traveling beside each other. We're all traveling parallel in this, in this universe, in this world, you know. So I think it's important to acknowledge that, like, nobody's better than anybody else, and there's no, there's no hierarchy of, you know, humans and it's it's just so important to and I love what you're doing with the community building piece because I think, like, call it sister wounds or whatever, whatever these people call it, it's like why, why does that exist? Why do we have this, this need to bring people down, or pedestal people, or you know, it's like why, why can't we all just be in a room and have a big table and tell people to pull up a seat and have a conversation?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think I yeah, you said it so beautifully Like I think the pedestal, I think I try to eliminate that in like the events. I know we're not talking about events, but and I don't think I knew I was doing that Like subconsciously it was happening because I really want people, our speakers, because I've had some disappointing pedestal moments, let's just say. And so it was a realization where I was like Ooh, portia, like you had this big expectation for this person and, wow, you were surprised and disappointed and that's on me, like that wasn't on them. And then it kind of brought me back a little bit, humbled me in a way, where I was like maybe I'm not the only person that feels, and I liked the idea that everybody feels equal.
Speaker 1:Like when I create an event or or anything, anything that I do, I never want to feel as if, or present myself as if I'm better than everybody else. I literally would like I just want to sit at the table with you, like I'm content. I don't, we do. I do dinners and my dinner partner is like let's sit at the head of the table. I'm like I like can I just mingle in with everybody? Like I just like it, like that, like I just want to equal playing ground, like I'm not, I just I like to be with everybody me but anyways, I'll stop talking.
Speaker 1:But I was going to say that you brought up, which I really, really loved, was speaking from a place of truth, because I think I don't know, you said it and it just resonated with me and I feel like those words give so much power in a story that you want to share, because if you are coming from a place of truth, there's nothing else Like what are you worried about? This is your truth. I don't know, like that just really, really resonated with me, just coming from a place of truth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean that's a huge part of this voice discovery process is what is your truth.
Speaker 2:Because I think so many of us whether it's trauma related or whether it's you know optics you're worried about what people will think you have imposter syndrome. Whatever the reason, a lot of us shy away from our truth. So I think it's important that we actually rediscover that. And sometimes we have to go back a little bit and there is trauma there. We all have trauma, right, we all do Like.
Speaker 2:One of my mentors talks to trauma in a way that I really really love it. You know, she says it's like a bruise and there's big bruises and then there's bruises on the bone and then there's like broken bones and like there's different levels of trauma. You know, and I think that's the same with our emotional trauma, right, it's like broken bones and like there's there's different levels of trauma. You know, and I think that's the same with our emotional trauma, right, it's like some some it's like as small as a bruise and maybe it will go away and maybe it'll come back. Or, you know, maybe it's like a picky injury that just like kind of resurfaces when you're not expecting it. And you know like there's different levels of it and I think we need to acknowledge that it. And you know, like there's different levels of it, and I think we need to acknowledge that and part of discovering our voice and our truth is is doing that, acknowledging it. And you know it's not about like trauma, bonding with other people or competing for hearts. You know, I don't. I don't believe in in that.
Speaker 2:Again, going back to like the responsibility piece, it's like we're all responsible for ourselves. We can't blame our parents, we can't blame our situations, we can't blame you know it's an unpopular opinion. I know a lot of people who throw big pity parties for themselves and you know they they wouldn't like it if, if you know, I called them out on this. But at the same time, it's it's so important to take that responsibility and I think that's when it really shifted for me. It was when I started taking responsibility for my story and my truth and saying, you know, yeah, this happened, but I'm okay and this is how I became okay. Maybe I wasn't okay, you know, cause it can be embarrassing. You know, talking about having an eating disorder, talking about, you know, um, sexual abuse in the fashion industry, like these are big topics. These are big, like scary things to to talk about. You know who's gonna listen, who's gonna, you know, judge me, who's gonna think worse of me? You know, is it something I want my children to hear about in the future? Is it something? You know?
Speaker 2:There's so many layers to shame and it's Brittany Brown that talks a lot about shame and vulnerability and how closely related they are. Right, and how. You know, vulnerability is key to connection, but it's so ingrained in shame that we're afraid to do it and so, like, what we're doing by not being vulnerable is disconnecting ourselves from human connection, which it's in one of her books she quotes. She said that, you know, we crave human connection and not having it is as dangerous, if not more so, than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. And I was like, wow, what? Like? Obviously there's some research to that. That I'm I'm very lightly quoting something, but you know it's. It's crazy to think that it's physically harmful to us to not have human connection and and the main piece that disconnects us from other humans is shame and not being vulnerable and sharing our truth. Crazy it's crazy.
Speaker 1:It's crazy. It's crazy. It's you know I had. It is crazy, like it's just making me think back at some of my own experiences and how long it took me to share them, because some of it was shame for sure, some of it was. I want to share this in a way where I want to help people but I don't want to, I don't want to. My big thing is sad eyes that's what I call people when they look at you like with with grief and sadness is big sad eyes and it distorts how now they just they look at you in a different way. It's not the same person. And so I had a.
Speaker 1:You know, an awful thing happened to me and it was my first time experiencing a tragic loss and deep grief and I felt I knew going through it that this would probably be a story that I would share. But it took me a long time to actually share it because of the shame, because of the decisions that I had to make, that other people wouldn't necessarily make the same choices I did and some of that piece of I don't want people to look at me differently and so what would you say, you know, to the people like me, and I think the biggest part was the shame was a big component, but I think it really was. I don't want people to look at me differently after sharing this, and it's a vulnerable place. It's. I'm coming from a place of truth. This is my experience, yeah, so, like, what would you say to the, to the Porsches out there that are that are listening?
Speaker 2:You know, going back to the responsibility piece, it's it's our, from my point of view, it's our responsibility to share these pieces of us so that it doesn't become ingrained in the next generation as well. So we can talk about generational trauma from that perspective. It's like we've been programmed to believe that we need to be quiet, that we need to stay small, that we need to push our feelings down, that if we show up a certain way we'll be judged and ridiculed. So it's best to just you know, like that's doesn't matter how sort of open-minded your parents are. That was the generation they came from, and that they came from the generation before that that was much worse, where women couldn't even vote or have a credit card without their husband's permission or without a signature. Right, that was only 50 years ago. Yeah, that women couldn't get a credit card. That's crazy. So to think about that for like such a short time, you, you know it was like I think it was 57 years ago or something. So, like you know, less than a hundred years ago we're talking women, when women couldn't vote, women couldn't get a credit card, like they were essentially owned by their husband, by their partner.
Speaker 2:So you know, I don't want to get too into like the feminist stuff here, but honestly, when you think of that trauma, that's generational trauma. That was something that our great-grandparents were subjected to, and then our grandparents and then our parents. So if you look at that from like how our mind is trained, that's that's. It's not our parents fault, that's what they knew, that's what they were given, that's how they knew how to protect us, right, that's. It's like's like be quiet, because if you speak up you're not safe and my job as a parent is to protect you, so I'm going to do whatever I can to keep you safe. So I think you know leaning into your truth and being that role model for your daughter, your son, your, you know the next generation, that you know.
Speaker 2:Yes, there's fear Of course there's fear, but that's okay, because everything, like there's fear everywhere, right In sharing your truth, as long as it's true, right, as long as you're telling the truth and you're showing up in your truth and you're sharing your true emotions and everything is real. You know, of course, you'll get the people who are like, oh, she's just a pity party and the sad eyes or whatever you call it, it exists.
Speaker 2:But how many people counter to that will be like wow, thank you. Yeah, thank you for your honesty, thank you for your, for your share. Thank you for giving me the power to now share my story. Like. You inspired me, you empowered me, you motivated me, you changed me, you helped me. Like the, the number of positive, I believe, outweighs the number of people who are still set in that old mindset that are going not safe over there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And, a lot of the time, even the people who are giving you the sad eyes, aren't it? They're not sad, they're scared, yeah, scared for you because you're brave and they're not Right, and it's about like giving people the gift of of courage, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I didn't even actually look at it that way that they were scared, like I. Just sometimes I forget, not that I forget, I know not everybody's like me and I fully understand that, um, but sometimes I forget that some things don't come as easily to others. Yeah, and so in those moments when I am vulnerable and people do say, like we had a dinner this week and I shared something which to me didn't seem overly vulnerable, but someone stopped me after a few people actually stopped me and said, like I, that really struck a chord with me, like I'm really like thank you for sharing that. And I was like, oh, like I. It really I was like, oh, okay, like I.
Speaker 1:Just I didn't even think twice about it, it was just I just wanted to share this and and right, like that, what you just said was basically what they were feeling. And now I actually know, and now I can like I've learned, that's a beginner Like now I know, and I can walk into that or be in that situation differently and see it differently from their point of view, which is nice, because for this whole time I'm like okay, like I'm so, like, okay, like I'm like thank you. Didn't quite understand how it landed so deeply for them, in a way yeah it's.
Speaker 2:You know it's funny because this whole thing, this whole vulnerability thing, is relatively new for me. Like over the last few years I really started sharing my story. You know, I'm I'm completing my memoir and like there's a whole bunch of things happening that are moving this way. I get it all the time my parents are like, are you sure happening that are moving this way? I get it all the time my parents are like, are you sure you want to talk about that? And I get it from peers that I went to high school with. I get it. You know, cause there's fear. They fear for my safety, they fear for my vulnerability, because it makes them feel uncomfortable, because it makes them feel unsafe, or unsafe for me. They fear for me or they fear for themselves being involved in the story. Right so, but at the end of the day, I'm not putting anyone under a bus. I'm not talking about my story from anyone else's perspective. I'm talking about this is me. This is how I experienced this, this is what I went through. This is blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. And it does help people. And you know that's that's really why I got into book.
Speaker 2:Publishing was because I want to help people share their story in the most powerful way. That is their story, right? Because you can't legally publish like oh so and so did this and so and so did that and this was their fault and that was their fault. Like you legally can't call someone out in a book like it's not, it's not allowed. So it's really a powerful exercise to go through.
Speaker 2:And you know, are you sharing this from your point of view? Are you sharing this from, like, your experiences, voice, your information, your wisdom, your emotions, right? Are you sharing it from you? And there's, there's a piece in there where it's like a mirror and you look back and you go okay, no, that's somebody else's stuff. I need to let that go, because it's not even my story to tell it. It's not even.
Speaker 2:And there's a lot of reflecting that goes on in the process of writing your story and you can do this journaling. You know you don't have to write a book to do this exercise, but you know you can do this through journaling as well. It's like really reflecting on is this my story, is this my truth, or is there someone else involved? Because, honestly, at the end of the day, if there's nobody else involved and you're only just sharing your story. Anything that's projected inwards will just be either their own fear, their own shame or their own. You know you don't need to worry from like, oh, am I hurting somebody else, if you're truly sharing your story hurting somebody else if you're truly sharing your story.
Speaker 1:Wow, a lot of like mic drop moments there. I'm sitting here, I'm like maybe I need to write a book and then you're like you could do it journaling.
Speaker 2:I was like okay, maybe I'll start there. Yes, Well, and you know what? I tell everyone that they should write a book because, honestly, there's there's no cooler experience than you know having your story in your hands physically.
Speaker 1:But yes, start with journaling. I'll start with journaling.
Speaker 2:Everyone listening, start with journaling, because you might be surprised what pours out of you, you know yeah exactly?
Speaker 1:And what would you say? So we're talking about stories and sharing experiences and I'm sure, like I felt this way and I'm sure there could be some listening that could feel the same way. Where my story is not that big, or it's not that wow, or it's not like that person's story, so what would you say to those doubts of my story is not big enough or, yeah, just my story can't compare to that person's?
Speaker 2:so I love this question because I get it a lot. Actually, where and that's a worthy piece, right people are like, well, you know this, this woman like lost a child and her parent in the same day and then discovered a diagnosis and then, you know, fell down the stairs and it's like, you know, one thing after the other that is impairing our hearts, that's saying, you know, my story isn't good enough because it's not as intense or as dramatic or as crazy as that person's story. But at the end of the day, you know, sharing your truth, if it even inspires one other person, isn't it worth sharing? So I think, I think we get caught up in in these things. But it's like, you know, we've seen movies where it's a love story and it's just two people that we don't know, two characters, and their love story inspires us or moves us or shakes us or makes us cry or makes us feel something right, and there's no comparison like, oh, their love story is more special than that love story because they were long distance for 10 years and found each other on an airplane and it was all magical and serendipitous, and it's like everyone's story is different and that's because of these four things the voice. You know, the information, the experiences and the wisdom.
Speaker 2:Everyone has a different story, so it can't be compared to somebody else's.
Speaker 2:It can't be because it's different, right? That's like saying you know, unless you have a twin comparing your physical appearance to someone else's, like, you know, unless you have a twin comparing your physical appearance to someone else's, like, you can't say you know that person's prettier than me and that person's not as pretty as I am or what, because it's all, it's all subjective, right? It's all just like a question of what resonates for the person reading the story, or listening to the story, or hearing the story. Right, because there's there's different ways that people experience their surroundings and there's different ways people experience their, their life, right? So I think it's, there's really no way to compare you. You were born worthy of whatever it is that you want. And if sharing your story, like writing a book, is what you want, your story is powerful enough to write a book and you know, same with a podcast, or you know, standing up on stage and doing a keynote, like all of it is is there all of it is available and your story will resonate with somebody.
Speaker 2:It will, yeah, it will, and then it can't compare to somebody else's because it's different.
Speaker 1:I love that, I really do, and I and I love how you brought up like it, just it. It just needs to be one person, it doesn't need to be everybody in the room or everybody that picks up the book, just like when you, like you had said, like you watch a movie, not every movie is going to be for you, you know, not everybody's going to, not everything's going to touch you so deeply, and so I think that's so important and I go into a lot of things that way, especially when I am feeling a lot of self-doubt around whatever it might be, whatever I want to share. I'm like, if this just helps one person, isn't that enough? Like why does it have to affect the masses?
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:In a way like it, just it can be so simple as that. And so if anybody's listening that I've DM'd that said, like I would love for you to share your story and you're like it's not worthy enough, this is your sign it is worthy enough, it is, it is, and I, I know for myself and you might feel the same way, like I love listening to people's stories. I love, I love learning in that way, I love discovering in that way, like I'm such a curious person and I would much rather learn through other people's experiences than grab a book. To be completely honest, like you don't.
Speaker 2:You might not even think you're teaching me anything. And there's the, the regs to riches stories and the ones that are super inspiring, or, you know, coming out of homelessness and addiction, and you know like grief and trauma, and like that is a genre of movie, right. It's like if every single movie was horrifically depressing and you know, like earth shattering, award winning worthy, like it would be a very different entertainment existence that we would experience, right, like what? What's wrong with having a positive story?
Speaker 1:What's wrong with?
Speaker 2:having you know, good things to say and good experiences, and not having a ton of trauma that you're carrying around in suitcases and right. So I think it's important to also recognize that, like, good stories aren't always bad experiences. Yes, good stories get to sometimes just be good stories. Yes, I'm not talking like all the rainbows and gumdrops and whatever, but like if you're being honest and your truth is coming through and you just happen to be someone who hasn't experienced a lot of trauma, that is inspiring too, because people want to know that you don't have to hit rock bottom to to come back up. Like you, you can just simply be on an upward trajectory for your entire life and that's okay, that's a good thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I'm so happy you brought this up. I'm so happy, like in a million different ways, because I think I get a lot of people in the DMS thinking that it needs to be some sort of big T, little t, trauma experience. And, like I have been seeking for the last year, people that want to share happy stories, like I'm like looking for love stories, like love matches, like I'm looking for happy because it's like as much as I love all of the other stories, there is something to be said about just a happy story, like don't you ever just want to sit down and watch a movie?
Speaker 1:that's just happy the entire time there's no like arc coming and we're just waiting for it to crash and burn Like I love those movies. It's nice, it feels good and it reminds you that you can have those things in your life, that if you're going through a trouble like a terrible time, or you're in, you know, knee deep in the mud, that you can pull yourself out of it and that you can move through the journey and through the experiences and and be on that upward and have happy moments. And and I think it's it's a reminder that we can reflect on our happy moments. We don't need to always reflect on the shitty moments in our lives too.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's. That's the other side of it. Right? It's like we all have shitty moments. Yeah, it doesn't matter if you're, if you're made of gumdrops and rainbows and you're actually a unicorn or whatever. Right, like it doesn't matter, you're still going to have a bad day, you're still going to experience a negative emotion, but it's when you have those that the flip side of it, you're more grateful for you have. You have more gratitude, and I think that's where the story piece comes from. It's like share.
Speaker 2:Like I shared a post just this morning. You know, I'm 11 months alcohol free, which for me was a big deal. We can save that for another podcast episode. Yeah, but I posted this picture of a rainbow and I just said you know, I saw the most beautiful rainbow yesterday. I didn't get a great picture of it.
Speaker 2:It's a terrible picture because I was driving and by the time I got to safety where I could pull over and take a great picture, it was gone and it just reminded me of how fleeting moments are and how important it is for us to just simply be present and acknowledge, like, how grateful we are for the things that everyone sort of overlooks air like clean water to drink, like I'm driving in a car, like I, I like what the? What is this life Right? There's so much to be grateful for and I think we forget that. And you know so many people were commenting on like how beautiful the that that story was, talking about it, like not being able to pull over my car on the side of the road and take a picture of a rainbow. It's really not that crazy of a story, but people connected to it because it reminded them to be present. So I think that's important, like when you're telling your story or storytelling, and you know worried that it's not worthy of sharing.
Speaker 1:everything's worthy of sharing, it's just how you share it.
Speaker 2:Are you sharing it from a place of truth? Are you sharing it from a place of meaning? Are you sharing it or are you sharing it for likes? And the dopamine hit right yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:Oh, I feel like we could talk forever we probably could, Because I'm like I wanted to say something and I'm like looking at the time and I was like I shouldn't. But I think I'm just going to say quickly I think the gratitude piece is so and it has nothing really to do with you know. I guess it has a little bit of sharing our story or the topic at hand, but I just think gratitude is just so important. And I teach. Well, you know I already said I teach yoga, but I teach yoga to seniors and sometimes they can be so negative. Everything is bad, everything is wrong, everything is this.
Speaker 1:And after every class, I'm like we're taking a moment of gratitude as we like lay in our thing. I'm like we're taking a moment of gratitude as we like lay in our thing. I'm like thank your body for the ability to move. Like you got here today. You moved through the last hour freely and easily.
Speaker 1:Like, thank your mind for challenging you. It challenges you every single day. It reminds you that you can do hard things. Thank your breath for reminding you that you are alive. Like you are here, you are breathing. Like those are key things in your life that are like in your being. You don't even have to go outside of yourself to find gratitude. It's already there in your body, in your shell, and I always remind people that, because we can get so lost and when I feel like, down in the dumps of myself, exactly what you had said, like I have a car that I can drive, I have food in my fridge, I have a roof over my head. I am snuggling in my bed right now Like this is amazing, this is enough, it doesn't need to be more. And there's your story, and there's the story.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:So I always like to end every podcast with this one question, and it is what is one piece of advice that you would like to leave here with everybody today, and it doesn't have to be about the topic that we discussed.
Speaker 2:It could just be advice that you carry with you well, sort of on the topic of gratitude and you know, just being aware and present and knowing that like the only real, true moment is now. It's like if you have something on your heart, whether it is writing a book, starting a podcast, like sharing your story, even if it's just like being more active on social media without you know the doom scroll. I mean just like posting more, sharing your story more, showing up more, or maybe it's a different platform, maybe it's blogging like, however, you've been wanting to put your voice out there and share your story more, showing up more, or maybe it's a different platform. Maybe it's blogging like, however, you've been wanting to put your voice out there and share your story. Just just start.
Speaker 2:You know so many people like wait till the new year, or like put it on a vision board for next year, or like they believe that planning is doing and talking about it as doing and thinking about it as doing and share it, like declaring it as doing and thinking about it is doing and share it like declaring it is doing. The only thing that is doing is doing, even if it's one tiny little step in the right direction every single day, and I think that's just so important. So, if you have, if you have something on your heart, anything at all, and you've been waiting for whatever waiting until you have more money, waiting until you have more time, waiting until this happens or that happens, or stop waiting.
Speaker 1:Cause it's.
Speaker 2:It's never going to be the perfect moment to do the thing. You just got to do the thing, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just do it. Oh well, thank you, thank you so much for sharing your story, sharing all of your wisdom, and I hope this episode really empowers you know, the people, the women that are listening, and and gets them ready to share their story, even if it's with one person.
