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Crafting a New Life Lindsay's Escape from Toxicity
Imagine feeling trapped in a toxic work environment and yearning for change but not knowing where to start. Lindsay found herself in this exact predicament, and in this episode of "This Is We," she bravely shares her journey from being a dissatisfied teacher to launching her own coaching and mentorship program, Bold Empowerment. Learn how a simple question from a friend sparked Lindsay's transformation and gave her the courage to leave her job and follow her passion for creativity and entrepreneurship.
Lindsay's story resonates with anyone who has ever felt stuck in a job or relationship, sacrificing personal happiness for the sake of others. We navigate through her emotional struggles of seeking approval and the slow realization that led her to create a "binder of possibilities." This binder became a symbol of hope and a roadmap for change, allowing her to embrace new opportunities and break free from limiting circumstances. Discover how small, joyful activities, like designing with Crayola markers, played a crucial role in her journey toward self-discovery and entrepreneurship.
Join us as we explore the themes of self-belief, resilience, and the empowerment that comes from overcoming hardships. Lindsay's anecdotes highlight the solo journey of entrepreneurship, particularly for women, and the importance of prioritizing self-care and making time for personal dreams. From setting ambitious goals to stepping away from fear-driven living, Lindsay's story offers a powerful reminder that incremental actions and the courage to pursue one's true desires can lead to genuine fulfillment and unexpected joy. This conversation promises to inspire anyone looking to make a meaningful change in their life.
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Join me, portia Chambers, as I sit down with women just like you, sharing moments in their lives that shaped them into who they are today Stories of motherhood, betrayal, transformation, love and loss, vulnerable conversations, deep connection and collective healing. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. I am so excited to have our next guest here with us. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. Coaching for girls of all ages and stages, and she has just launched bold empowerment coaching and mentorship for women. Lindsay, I'm so excited you are here with us. Thank you for having me. I'm excited too, yes, and I'm really excited to hear about your story. I know we just talked very briefly about it. You sent me an email, so sometimes that's like the teaser trailer to it all, so I'm really, I'm really excited to to listen. So let's start. Let's start with your story.
Speaker 2:Perfect. Well, right after I graduated university, I thankfully went right into a career and that was teaching one-on-one at a learning center, and I was new and very raw, and so I felt like for at least the first eight, nine years, I was just learning new skills. I was kind of figuring out who I was as a teacher and and I did love it. And I feel like I hit year 10 and I started to probably really grow up and come into my own and clarify my values and and what mattered to me, and I felt like I started to clash with the company and realize that I was in an environment which felt really toxic and I think that realization and that brutal honesty was incredibly uncomfortable for me. And so I did what I think most of us did, and that was just you, just keep going. And anytime I even thought of leaving or going into another job, I think it caused such stress and anxiety that I just always kind of landed back on. You know, just be thankful. Some people don't have jobs. This is pretty good, like you know, just keep going Right. And that worked, I think. For a little while I just kept coming up against that clash and these really big feelings, I think, of unhappiness and frustration and a lot of fear, and I just, I just didn't know what to do. And I think you know some of the people I reached out to to talk about this, you know, really, I think, reinforce my message to myself, which is just, you know, really, I think, reinforce my message to myself, which is just, you know, be thankful, stay where you are. Your life is pretty good, you know, and I got that until one of my friends thankfully for brutally honest friends she just looked at me one day and she's like Lindsay, can you see yourself at this job for another five years, for another 10 years? Like, is that a real possibility for you? And of course, I had a very strong reaction against her Because I was like, how, how dare you say that? Like I got really upset, but when I actually calmed down and I thought about it, I knew she was right.
Speaker 2:It was what I was already feeling, and so I just had this really strong sense that I didn't belong there, but, I think, a stronger sense of just, I'm stuck. I didn't have a lot of confidence at that time, I didn't have a lot of self-belief, and so that stuck and stagnant feeling just left me there and that I felt really trapped and I just really didn't know what to do. So I I really relied, I think, on something that I did know about myself and I love being creative and I love creating new things and I think part of the reason I wanted to leave this job was because I felt like I wasn't really flourishing, I wasn't like allowed to be me. I was really in a box and like a nine to five and a steady paycheck and really I was living someone else's dream. And so I think I started to slowly shift into well, what if I just started to design and create? And so I relied on my creativity and I went to Staples, I bought a binder, I filled it with paper, I got my markers and I kid you, not, every evening, weekend, holiday, any chance I could get I started to work in this binder, which I called the binder of possibilities, and I started to just play around with, I think, imagining and daring to dream, like what would I do if I did quit, and what would I create on my own?
Speaker 2:Like I think I must have had a strong sense of doing my own thing and working for self and being an entrepreneur without any schooling or training or anything. But I started to fill the binder with ideas for a company name and a website and a logo and the clientele and the curriculum, and I did not think I was going to leave my job. I really was sort of tricking myself, I think into, I'm just having fun, I'm just designing, I'm creating joy, and this allows me to like put a smile on my face, go and do my job, play the part, which I was really good at, like I think girls and women are well-trained and pleasing, and like just playing the role. And I did this for about two years, all the while just thinking, no, I'm really thankful, I'm safe, I'm secure, I have that paycheck coming in. I'll just design this thing on the side which is bringing me such joy, and that was it. Like it was just such a healthy escape for me and I feel like I was probably building up my skillset and confidence on you know, business, doing a business for self.
Speaker 2:And then, in this I guess, great not great perfect storm of events, the work situation got really bad. I couldn't smile anymore. I just felt like I was not being authentic. I felt like that little voice inside of me was getting louder and stronger and I just I just quit. And I'm a very planned and organized and like plan B, C and D kind of person. So I think I even surprised myself, but I guess I felt like I was sort of at this rock bottom, like I don't belong here, I don't like it here. I know I'm not happy, the money I'm earning doesn't feel good anymore. It's got to be better. Something has got to be better. Like I just can't do this anymore and I resigned myself to possibly working at Starbucks or dog walking or whatever, I didn't care, it just got.
Speaker 2:It got that bad, I think, and my body was showing that stress just with you know, I had a rash and I had hives and I wasn't sleeping and I wasn't eating. So I just I feel like all the signs were there and I just, yeah, I just quit. And thankfully I got a client and that really boosted my confidence. And then I got another one and then I got a family with two sisters, so that was like a two for one and I think, very, very slowly but steadily I got clients and my business grew and I think, after that initial quitting and that move into creating my own business.
Speaker 2:I feel like there was no turning back, like I honestly was going to rest. I knew I was burnt out, I knew this whole work situation was stressful, but I think I was equally excited and it just started to happen and I was like that must be like this universal sign that this is what I'm meant to be, and I really just got busy on my dreams and like flash forward 12 years and like I'm still going. It's morphed into a lot of different things but I feel like that was maybe the hardest thing I've ever done because it was without a lot of support or certainty, but by by far it was the best thing that I did.
Speaker 1:That's wild and I I feel like I can really resonate with the. You know the money should feel better and like the burnout and your body telling you like this is not meant to be anymore. You need to, you know, move on. In a way and I can, I can relate to that. I had a very successful social media business and one day I was just like I'm done and it was the same thing. My body was telling me, giving me a million different signs, and I just wasn't listening because on the outside, looking in, it should have been perfect, it should have been amazing. But I wasn't sleeping at night. I was attached to my phone. I never knew how to shut off anymore. I was so disconnected with who I was and the pivotal moment was the money. When I looked at my bank account, when I looked at the money that I was bringing in, and I felt nothing and I was like this isn't it? Then I just have to leave and that's it.
Speaker 2:It's a trick of like, oh, the money is, is so good and and it's everything, and I think it's not being anything. And I I am like I did have a bit of a plan B. I shouldn't say I was totally like throw all caution to the wind. That's not really me. I did save 10,000. And my original goal was to have that cover me for about three months because I knew I needed the rest. And then the funny thing is is that because I started getting clients right away, I never, I never used that 10,000. But I did think I needed some kind of safety net where I was like, okay, I can make this last for a bit, I can budget better. And as soon as I had that in place I felt like it was like okay, go, you're good, just go. And yeah, the money was just, it didn't mean anything, it didn't feel good.
Speaker 2:I don't think the company had good ethics and morals and values and I didn't know that at first. I wouldn't have seen that. But once you see it, you can't unsee it, no darn. But you also can't outsmart your body. Like my body was, like you know, it would give me a little irritation, a few sleepless nights. But I was like no, no, I got this and I kept going. And then it was like oh, massive sleep disorder, you know, the rash became hives. I just was so stressed out, so burnt out. All of the time there was nothing I did other than my work and thinking about why I wanted to leave and how that would happen. But yeah, it was crazy.
Speaker 1:That is crazy. I want to talk a little bit about feeling trapped. I think for a lot of us and I know for myself especially that was the only business that I've ever done, and any job that I've ever had, where I actually felt trapped, where I felt like I was going to disappoint a lot of people by saying I don't want to do this anymore. I can give you somebody else, I can trade you off to somebody else, but I, this is just not my passion, and me doing this, you know pretty much half ass, half in is not going to benefit you or your business or anything. So I would love to talk about that feeling of being trapped and and what was going through your mind when you were, you know, slowly navigating through that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that it was such an awful feeling. When I think about it, I just think I don't wish that on any human. I just think to live a life where you feel like I mean, I felt like I had no choice. I see now I had a lot of choice. I'm just speaking to the fact that it felt that way.
Speaker 2:I think I was set up from the beginning to be honest, and I see this now this was a huge red flag that I was hired under the, the idea that I wasn't really a worthy candidate for a job, that I was really green and she was taking a chance on me, and I think that really activated my already in place um desire to please and to prove that I was worthy. So I did spend those first 10 years just trying to be good, trying to be a good worker, trying to sacrifice, trying to, you know, really give it my all, and I never got the approval or the, I think, the satisfaction that I was looking for. But I think I was set up to, you know, you are not worthy, but we'll let you work here anyways, and so considering leaving wasn't even in my mind, because I really was taught, I think, from that initial hire that I wasn't worthy and that I couldn't do anything else. I didn't even think of an anything else. That's how trapped and, I think, how toxic this relationship was, where I was just doing the best I could and I couldn't see out of that box and looking outside of that box would make me a really bad person.
Speaker 2:And so I was just there and I think that's why I was like oh, I'm just thankful. I was semi-delusional and just like oh, this is as good as it gets. Like I should be thankful, I'm going to do the best I can. Like oh, I'm just thankful. I was semi delusional and just like oh, this is as good as it gets. Like I should be thankful, I'm going to do the best I can. Like this is pretty good. Some people don't have a job. Like I kept twisting it into all these other things until maybe 10 years after, when other people started to reflect that maybe I should seek elsewhere or maybe, you know, I was better than that job, which I would totally dismiss and discount. But I think after 10 years I started to just get a little bit more honest with myself and I was like could?
Speaker 2:I do something else, what else could I do? And that would put me into somewhat of a panic state, and then I would just go back to like no, I'm thankful, this is good, this is pretty easy now. No, I'm thankful this is good, this is pretty easy. Now I know what I'm doing. And then, you know, I don't know, like a few days later the feeling would come up again, what if I could do something? And then I would squash it and be like no, no, no. And I feel like I went back and forth for like those two years that I was in my binder of possibilities, I think I was just like oh, no, I'll just again. I was deluding myself, I'll just create this company, but I'm not going to do it. And I feel like for me it must have been sort of a back and forth of getting used to being uncomfortable for a little bit and then coming back to safety, and then uncomfortable and then back to safety, and then over time, I think that binder and what I was creating started to become a possibility, like it came alive, and I started to get comfortable with that. What if? Which is a very scary question sometimes. But what if I did quit? And what if I did get a client? And what if I did create a website? And what if I did start to get clients that aren't friends and family? Like what if that happened? And I feel like it started to shift from being very scary to very exciting and I must have crossed some threshold where I was like, no, I have to do this, I am compelled to create this and this is like my. I think it felt like it was my not my duty, but my, my way of serving people and that became like much more than this small little job. That was like this box that I was entrapped in. And you know what I just thought of this right now.
Speaker 2:While I was trapped in this job, I was also trapped in two other situations and it all kind of came together. I was trapped in a choir. I sing and I love this choir. There's nothing wrong with this choir but I also hit around year 10 and I started to get a little restless, I think, and felt a little cagey and I was like, oh, I don't know if I want to be in this, but again, everyone was used to me being there. I was relied on, I was respected. It was a source of joy in some ways. But then that feeling started to fade and I was like, how do I get out? And then it was like no, just be thankful. You have community, you have these people.
Speaker 2:And I was also trapped in a relationship and I didn't have enough experience of breaking up with someone and so I didn't. I just stayed because I was like, well, it's so difficult to disappoint, so I won't. And ultimately, all these three examples are examples of me putting other people first rather than okay, I don't want to disappoint you, I will make you happy, I'm not going to rock this boat. And I was increasingly more unhappy and just dissatisfied. Yeah, they all happened at once and I think I broke free from all three about the same time. So it was a crazy growth spurt. But I think now I see that there that was like the universal sign of like you got to work, how to get out of the feeling of being trapped, and never do that Like, be like more cautious and try not to be trapped ever again, because it's awful.
Speaker 1:It is awful. I want to talk about the binder of possibilities. It really as you're talking about it. I want to talk about the binder itself, but first I want to talk about, maybe, the confidence that it gave you, because as you're talking, you kind of go back to the binder of possibilities and I know, with anybody you know starting a business or even just having this idea in your brain of just a passion, project or anything, sometimes we get stuck because we have to implement and it's like how do I even start? How do I start this, this thing that's inside of my brain that might not make sense to anybody other than myself. And it felt like your binder of possibilities was really that. It was like the starting catalyst to all of it, and when you talk about it it feels as if it gave you a lot of confidence to pursue it because the evidence was there. You've already did a lot of the legwork just through created creativity and just putting it all into the binder, and so is that true, do you?
Speaker 2:feel under percent. I think it started with, again, again, that healthy escape and I was like, how hard is it to grab some Crayola markers, some pieces of paper it was a very cheap, affordable experience and to just fill this binder with fun. I was just designing, I was mind mapping, I was kind of just fooling around and I think that was just fun. That really was joyful, and I knew I was kind of just fooling around and I think that was just fun, like that really was joyful, and I knew I was creative. So I think just the act of designing was like honoring myself and I don't think I was allowed to be that way at that job. I feel like a lot of times my ideas were kind of squashed or, you know, dismissed or discounted. So I felt like it was me just like, oh no, I know, I know what makes me happy. So I felt like it was me just like, oh no, I know I know what makes me happy, so I'm going to do that. So I think it really did start really simple and really somewhat naive. And I think then I realized something else about myself that since I was young, I was always really good at understanding that the more time you put into something, the better the outcome. So if I put in, you know, two hours studying for a test, I'm going to do better than if I put in just an hour or no time at all. And I think a part of that was me being able to cope with a lot of stress and anxiety in my childhood, and so I would just figure out well, what can I control? Well, I know, if I study more, or if I sing this song, you know many, many times I'll perform better. Or whether I, you know, practice basketball at home before I even practice at school. Like I really got that connection, I think, between effort and outcome. And so when I was in the binder, I was probably working on it, like I said, every chance I could get, but maybe an hour or two, and I feel like I started to see it become something, and then it must have clicked that it's like oh, it's because I'm putting so much time into it. I don't think I missed a day, I think I just kept going into it and I feel like the color was helpful. And whenever we see something on paper, I think we sort of understand it better than if it's just in our head. So I started to see you know my let's say all the words that would describe my ideal client, or I started to see some of the language with the curriculum and I feel like I started to convince myself this is good, like, this is good stuff.
Speaker 2:And then as I became, I think, a little more confident, like you said, and a little bit less fearful of something I had never ventured into, I started to think about that time connection with outcome and what I did very practically, I think I wrote a list of a hundred things that I needed to do to create a company, to launch a company, and each of those ideas were in a different color, so it was very fun and friendly and inviting and they really ranged, I think, from creating a business card to designing a website, to meeting with a school or a person pitching an idea, whatever it was. I just felt like if I did these hundred things, it's got to mean something. I don't know exactly what it's going to mean, but I just really set a pretty ambitious school of working through this list and I did every single thing on that list at my time, like it wasn't. There was no pressure, I didn't have to do one thing a day and again they really varied from how long they would take me because the website I'd never done that before. That took a lot longer than maybe having a meeting for an hour at a school.
Speaker 2:But I just did those hundred things and that, aligned with this perfect storm at work and this saving of the $10,000 and this hitting this rock bottom and listening to my body, and I feel like once the hundred things was done and the money was saved and work got like intensified and got really, really bad, I felt like I proved to myself that it was time and I feel like I needed. I needed to baby step myself through it and I needed assurance that all of the hours that was probably two years of my life quite a bit of time and effort. It must yield something. I can't see putting in all that time and going through that list of a hundred things and coming up with nothing. It just didn't make sense to my brain. So I was like no, you do these hundred things, this will be, you'll be good to go and it worked. So I don't. I don't know where I got 100 from. It could have been like 15, probably would have been fine, but I was like no 100. I worked myself.
Speaker 1:I check marked my way through this list and yeah, it's funny that you say 100 and not 15, because I would be the 15 like I'd be like what is the minimal amount of work that I need to do to get this working? Like to get this launch, to get this going. Where my husband would be like we need all 100 before we start. And this is where I'm like we're we're in the midst of manifesting our next phase in our life. Our daughter is almost done high school just one more year and so we're moving and and really manifesting what the rest of our life is going to look like. And so I'm like this is what we're doing, like I bake on the side and he brews beer as like a hobby, and so I'm like this is what. We're going to find a homestead and we're going to have a shed or a building and we're going to this will be our business and we'll be open like six times a year.
Speaker 1:And I can just imagine now his 100 checklists, like 100 things on his checklist and my 15. What do I need to do? Just to get this up and running, and then I'll figure it out. You know the rest when I get there. That's how I am where he's just like management. I need the list. I need to do all the things.
Speaker 2:Here's what's interesting, though I think my list of 100 things was also, in some ways, a form of procrastination, because that's a very ambitious list, and so I think part of me was like, oh, you'll never do the hundred, so you don't have to start this company, because I would think of any reason not to do it. I was like, oh well, this is pretty good, I'm thankful I need the money. And then suddenly there were less and less reasons to stay and more and more reasons to go. But I think I was actually probably procrastinating by being productive, and I know that's the paradox, but that's probably what I was doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were like slowly talking yourself into it, like every check mark you're like, okay, it's happening, it's happening. Done. How am I accomplishing all of this?
Speaker 2:It was semi in secret too, which is another way that I operate, is really not talking too much, because I think I mean, this is the way I live life. I think that my experience of telling people my goals or my dreams can be very like disappointing and discouraging, because you'll get a lot of people I call them the naysayers that can always come up with the reasons it won't work or why that's not a good idea, and I think my experience in the job like this was more my family and I know they were being protective, but I would try to express the level of stress and anxiety I was under and the toxicity that I had to go to every single day, and I don't feel like I was heard and I feel I think the message I just kept getting was you should be thankful and this is real security, and other people like only dream of this, and so I. Then I started to feel guilty and in the beginning, when I started to think about having a company, I did tell a few people and all I heard were these statistics like nine out of 10 companies fail, and I was like that's not helpful, so I just stopped talking. I was just like enough.
Speaker 2:I told one friend what I was doing and I just got a blank face and I was like I don't know what that means, Like if someone told me an exciting idea I would be high-fiving and hugging them. But I just got this nothingness and I was like that's it, I'm just going to do it and that way there's no pressure on me and if I fail, nobody really knows. So I was just, I was good with that. I did a very soft launch. I didn't promote myself. There you go. How's that for a business model?
Speaker 1:I will not promote. I will not promote. I like that business model. I'm always like word of mouth, but I can relate to that.
Speaker 1:When I first started the we Experience I was kind of it was, I feel like your story is very, very similar to how the we Experience kind of launched and it was kind of that catalyst where I was ending my social media. I didn't know where I was going next. I knew I wanted to do a women's event. Really didn't know what it looked like. I knew I wanted it nothing to do with social media, nothing to do with that. But I wanted it to be about something and I knew it wasn't going to be like one event. I wanted it to be more and more and more. But I had to sit. I did a list. I didn't quite do a binder, but I had a notes on my phone where, like every single idea, I just kind of wrote down people that I would want to be there. I wrote down places where I'd want to have it. I wrote down everything that I could think of. I just wrote.
Speaker 1:And when I started to talk about it with people I got the same kind of reaction, this confusion of like that doesn't make sense. That won't work. You know, it was like I don't know, portia, like you've had some pretty interesting businesses and some ideas, but this one just doesn't seem like you and it was so disappointing. And these were like people that would like cheer me on and anything else that I was doing, but this one adventure just felt off and, like you had said, like I started to kind of stay quiet about it and to me I'm the type of person where I'll be like I'm gonna prove you wrong, watch.
Speaker 1:And so that's what happened with the we experience, where it was just kind of like watch, let's see where this goes, like I don't even know where it's going. I kind of know the path that we want to take, but I'm going to prove you wrong. It doesn't need to be big and elaborate and luxurious in any way, shape or form, but I'm going to prove you wrong in the sense that I'm going to inspire women and I'm going to bring them together and we're going to have amazing events together and some are going to be shiny and beautiful and bright, and some are going to be shiny and beautiful and bright and some are going to be real and vulnerable and it's going to be great yeah, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna guess that it's people discomfort with new or kind of risky or whatever it is and they maybe just don't know. And then part of me thinks it's also maybe tapping into people who want to do something different and aren't able to, and I think that can trigger or activate people because they're playing it safe and to watch you take a risk and take a chance and live your dream. Like that's maybe bringing up some stuff for them. I don't know what it is Like. I am not a psychologist, but I just it's kind of it's kind of disappointing as we speak about, you know, women championing each other and supporting each other. It's like it's not always the case. That's my experience, but maybe that just leads back to the self, like this all has to come from us believing in ourselves and you are really blessed and lucky if you find people that get that and can give you what you need in that sense. But I feel like I had to get to a place where it was just me believing in me and taking that chance and knowing what all of this meant and all of these feelings felt like and that was just me and I guess you could say it was lonely. I didn't feel particularly lonely. I felt like I think I kept coming back to that sentence of you have one life and if you are stuck and stagnant and trapped, you have to find your way out. And that's way easier said than done. I get it. I really struggled, but I am still in a position, I feel, of privilege. So I can only imagine what some other women's struggle looks like and being trapped in different ways. But it's just like that is our work. That was all I could think about. That's all I wanted. And yeah, it was with a lot of pain, I would say, but I found my way.
Speaker 2:With a lot of pain, I would say, but I found my way, and that a lot of that was from that inherent belief that I deserve better. I don't want to live someone else's dream. This is not fair. It stopped being fun. So what am I going to do? And I gave the power. I think back to myself. I knew no one was going to rescue me. There's no trust fund, there's no somebody that's going to swoop in and do the hard work for me. It was me, and I think that's very scary, but it's also your power. It's me. If I don't work, no money is made. It doesn't just come to you, and I think I actually felt quite exhilarated at the end and when I realized, okay, I can do this. So it's quite the process of believing in myself not believing in myself, but it it, yeah, it worked out and I'm really thankful.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's all entrepreneurship believing in yourself, not believing in yourself, asking yourself the hard questions, going back, it's a little bit of whiplash. My husband I go into these like breakdown moments, especially when things are hard, and my husband's like Portia, you wouldn't be doing it if you couldn't do it Like you were meant to do this. Stop doubting yourself, you are worthy of this. And I'm like I know, I know, but right now it's so hard and like, in this very moment, I wish I had, you know, somebody else, especially when you're you're doing a business alone.
Speaker 1:I'm like I, just right now, I wish I had somebody else that could completely understand what I'm going through, what is happening, and could give me a solution to the problem. So I don't have to think about it just because I want to rest and so. But in those moments you're like, no, I'm going to pick myself back up, I am worthy of this, I'm strong enough to do this and so. But in those moments you're like, no, I'm going to pick myself back up, I am worthy of this, I'm strong enough to do this. And then the solution to the problem was simple.
Speaker 2:It was just kind of clouded by all the other stuff that was going on the very process of going through those uncomfortable moments, which I hate too. I get what you're saying. I have all these problems with people not paying or people not communicating with me and I just I get really frustrated that everyone's not like me. Like I feel like I have a standard and I'm like what's your problem? Why don't you communicate in rapid speed? And then I realize, okay, I'm not so perfect and we're all human and we're all doing our best.
Speaker 2:But I feel like every time I go through those phases or seasons where it just it feels too hard and I do want to give up, I feel like something does happen. Like you said, the solution comes, or the right person is there at the right time, or things to start to look and feel better. I'm so glad for that process, as painful as it is, because I feel like that always gives us that extra boost of confidence and resilience. And I think that what I see a lot of in this generation of kids is that they're not uncomfortable enough. Things are too easy. So when they hit some kind of problem, they have really big, somewhat exaggerated breakdowns because they don't know what to do, they have no tools, and so I am, and it's like a love-hate relationship. Of course I don't want to go through hard things, but when I do, I think okay, I grew, I changed, I developed, I matured, I learned a new skill, I'll be ready for the next one. And those are really good lessons.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this, my you know, having a business and and all of that has given me so much confidence. And I love how you had mentioned, like the younger generation, my daughter's 16. And I'm like sometimes I don't even answer the text messages. I'm like because I'm like the solution will come and it's not coming from me, like I am not going to. This problem is so small in retrospect of life and I know it feels so big to you right now, but the solution will come and you have to be, you know, a little uncomfortable right now and I'm obviously not going to let you drown in all of it, but it could it sometimes?
Speaker 1:Just sometimes the messages that she gets, she gets me. I'm like are you asking me for advice? Are you just looking to vent it to me? Like are you asking for my help or is it something else that you need? And so it's interesting where I'm like trying to slowly teach her like be confident in the answer that you want to provide. Don't look at me for reassurance. Like I will back you up regardless.
Speaker 1:I'm your mother, like I'm not going to throw you out to the wild, like I'm going to be here for you, but you have to, like I'm a huge advocate of like when she went to high school. I'm, like you have to be an advocate for yourself. Elementary school is over. We're going to like slowly cut the cord here and then you are going to have to, you know, be your own speaker, like. I will step in if you don't feel like you're being heard by teachers or principals or whatever the situation is.
Speaker 1:But up until that point you are your advocate and you know that's going to give you confidence throughout your years. And it's going to be very hard at the beginning to kind of use your voice and stand up for yourself, especially towards adults, if that's needed. But you will learn so much. And so she took it and she runs with it and sometimes she's like mom and I'm like you got this, don't worry, you know, stand up for yourself. It's not. It's not a bad thing to put yourself first and want to be happy or to get clarification or, you know, to stand your ground. That's. That's not wrong. You're allowed to do that.
Speaker 2:I think it's great. I think it's the very definition of empowerment, because you're saying look, I have the power and I know what to do, but I had to learn that through struggle. And now you have to learn it too so you can do it. You got this. The struggle doesn't last, but with every struggle you learn something and then you gain confidence. So it's necessary, I'm here with you. But you doing it, that's you stepping into your power. That's what we want. That's ideal parenting, If I do say so myself that's great, I'm trying.
Speaker 2:And it's hard. I think it's easy to say that like let them struggle, and it's like it's hard to watch people suffering. But I feel like if I, I feel like I did struggle a lot. You know, you give your first presentation or your first getting in trouble from the teacher or your first not so shining grade or whatever it is, it feels really badly for a bit but nobody like stepped in and saved me or took away that struggle. That just wasn't a choice. I knew I had to struggle and then I knew it would get better and it did. But I think this taking over and doing it for people is disempowering. That doesn't teach them anything other than when they ask for help, they get it right away and they feel better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I just feel like when you go out into the real world, no one's there coddling you, no one's there holding your hand, no one's giving you the solution to the problem. You have to figure it out, and I was one of those kids that, like my parents, were great. But I grew up really fast. I moved out at 19. I didn't even have life experience before anything else. So I really wanted to provide that for my daughter because, you know, it was my choice to do those things. But in hindsight I think I would have liked a little bit more more time. But you know, worlds are so different from when I was a child than when my daughter is a child and and I think it's you know, especially with social media you know that empowerment is so is so key.
Speaker 1:When you are attached and have everything at consumption, I think it's really important to know who you are at the best of your ability and to know that you are worthy and you're allowed to take up space. I think that's important at such a young age, Very true, and so I wanted to ask you a little bit about putting your happiness first. I feel like that is such a hard task to do and sometimes it's something that is easier said than done Like someone could just be, like you know, just put yourself first, go take yourself out for a dinner date, and there can be a lot of other emotions that are intertwined with that guilt, shame, a variety of different things. So what did it feel like to actually put your own happiness?
Speaker 2:first. That was incredibly difficult, I think. The way I was raised very, very, very young, I learned that my praise, love and attention came from being good, and so I just naturally took to it. I was helper, the pleaser. I was a pretty I would say perfect daughter like I just always tried to do the right thing and I always, I always, I loved helping, but I felt like I always helped to please people and to not disappoint people, and that was just so intertwined with my identity.
Speaker 2:I don't even think I asked myself like what does happiness mean to me? Until I was well into this career, and that was probably because I started to feel unhappy, which I guess was a good lesson. But I was like, like what is what does happiness mean to me and what do I want? And I started to have that realization that a lot of my time was spent making others happy and putting others first. I don't think I knew the concept of self-care. That wasn't something that was part of my daily routine. It wasn't a priority. I think, if anything, I spent most of my time helping people, and when I wasn't helping people I was not being that nice to myself. I think. Of anything I learned to neglect myself and even practice some self harm. So I feel like when I got to that point where I was so unhappy and I was starting to define happiness Again, I couldn't even consider doing something that, just in my body, felt like it was completely selfish, like how dare I take these 10, these 12 years and then just say that's it, I'm done. But then I started to think, like I don't, I didn't sign a contract in blood, like I didn't commit for life. I signed a contract for a job and I think it's reasonable that once you're unhappy you are free to leave. But I can't tell you how hard that was for me. Like I, I just couldn't even consider it and I think that took a lot of time. Maybe alongside the binder I was journaling a lot and just constantly writing. You know, what do I really want? What do I really feel will make me happy? What is it that I'm meant to do? Because I don't think it's this. This doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel good anymore.
Speaker 2:And I think there was a lot of personal work going on at the same time and unfortunately for me, it was in those three areas. So I was disappointing three of the hugest aspects of my life. I was in this relationship, I was very committed to this community choir and I had this job and so, with one fell swoop, I disappointed them all and it was really, really, really hard and I felt like I was also disappointing my family because I was doing something different than they had recommended, was also disappointing my family because I was doing something different than they had recommended. But there must have been something in me that was finally like wait you first, it's your life, and if you don't take this, this chance and this opportunity, nobody's going to take it for me. I didn't feel like that was anyone's job, so I must have gotten to a place where I was like I didn't feel like that was anyone's job, so I must've gotten to a place where I was like okay, I'm gonna do this and it's just me, I am losing all of these people and all of this part of my life.
Speaker 2:And what was really great is that when I decided to do that, it wasn't like the crash that I thought it was going to be. It was actually the opposite, where it's like suddenly, all like these people flooded into my life, or these new opportunities, or this new feeling of freedom. That's why I said I have no regrets. I didn't look back once. It was just like, suddenly I was living the life that I had created in the binder and I was like that's amazing, there was no like sad Lindsay alone in her apartment crying. It just didn't happen. And I think that's probably what we put down as that obstacle, right, like I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be sad, I don't want to be, you know, stuck in a new job that I hate. And I think, yeah, that isn't what happened at all. But that's probably part of the obstacle in my way was those fears of what this terrible life like cat lady Lindsay living alone in Yaletown, was going to look like. And it didn't happen.
Speaker 2:Actually, all the right people came, the right jobs came, the clients came in. I was loving creating, like I just started writing my books and doing presentations and, you know, finding creative ways to do a company, which I'd never done before. So I was like in love with handouts and designing all of these things and I think that was me just being so happy. It was like the opposite of where I come from and I really I am thankful for that and I was. I am thankful every day.
Speaker 2:I remember being very thankful at the time and mostly the word that comes up in those beginning years was just freedom. I felt like I was free, and disappointing them was hard. It was so hard and all I could think about sometimes was the bad things they were saying about me, like oh, lindsay, she's so irresponsible or she's so selfish, or how dare she live the life that she wants? She should put others first. And I'm sure they weren't saying those things. But I definitely was thinking about what they were thinking and very conscientious of what I had done to them, like I impacted, I made a change right by making that choice, and everything had to change because of that, and I felt like that was a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2:I felt like that was a lot of pressure. I felt like that was really hard for me to realize. Like whoa, there's going to be an empty seat in the choir, or this person that I broke up with is going to have to deal with breaking up with me, or this person or this job is going to have to find someone else. And you know what's funny is that life moved on without me. No one really cared. I was like what I am not that important. Portia and it was fine. Everything, everything was fine. People have to deal with their own feelings. That is not my job, and how much I disappointed people is debatable. It was probably not that much.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask if there was any evidence of the disappointment. I was going to ask if there was any evidence of the disappointment, but it's quite.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I was like I just kept going and I didn't look back and I just I really took it in round with it and, yeah, I didn't think about. I didn't think about anything else.
Speaker 1:Cause I think that would have driven me crazy.
Speaker 2:I just didn't have time. I was so busy at being happy and creating. I didn't have time to dwell on the past or worry about how I affected people. I didn't do anything meanly or hurtfully or badly. I didn't commit any crimes, I promise. I just decided that I wanted to figure out what happiness meant to me. That's all I did.
Speaker 1:It's wild to to listen to your story and how you know, before making that decision, how much you were inside of your head and predicting what these people were going to say and how are they going to fill my spot in the choir, how are they going to replace me at my job? My boyfriend's going to be so alone, or my partner, whoever. And then the moment you do it, you're like, yeah, I don't care. I don't care what they say, Like you had said, I'm too busy being happy and and I feel like that's evidence right there of when you put yourself first, when you choose yourself before everybody else it feels so good that you stop worrying about what they're thinking or the disappointment that maybe had, and the guilt and shame become less and less because you're feeling really good. You know deep down that that was the right decision to make.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so true. I think we have a tendency to ruminate and to overthink and overanalyze things or we're future tripping. So it's like imagining the future, all like the worst case scenarios and the what ifs, and we spent very little time in the present. So had I just been present, I would have realized, like being in my body first of all, it was healing almost instantly. My body was like good, I started to sleep better, I started to smile, like I just was feeling really good, and I feel like it felt like I was in alignment, like I was like exactly what I was supposed to be doing, and that got very validated by people saying where have you been?
Speaker 2:We've never met anyone like you, or this is so helpful, or you know, please can you speak here or do this for us? Like it was, there was so much that I felt like just being in that moment was the best healer and the best sign, and I feel like I spent so much time worrying and thinking about the past and really being in my head. As you said, we're worrying about the future and it's like turns out in the moment was the happiness and joy and that's all I had. And I did really approach it as like one day at a time, one month at a time. I didn't think about a five year plan or a 10 year plan.
Speaker 2:I think my primary goal was to get out and to try, and I was. I think I also got very comfortable with the idea that I might fail and I was okay with that. I got really comfortable and I was like, oh, it's okay, I have the money, I'm a worker, so I could work. I could do any job like that would involve me and, yeah, I was good. I was good with the fact that it might not work, but I wasn't really focusing on that, I was just comfortable with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's crazy how, when we step into alignment, like you had said, how abundance just immediately comes to us and abundance not meaning like financial abundance, but abundance in all areas of our life how it just comes flooding to you and you're like whoa, I didn't know it could get this good. I didn't know I could feel this good. I didn't know life could be this easy, even though it's still hard. Not easy meaning that like I just wake up and life's easy, just meaning like if something comes in my way, that's hard, it's not as hard as it was, you know, before this. I don't feel so weighted down by it. I know that I have the confidence and the knowledge and everything, the perseverance to push through it, to move through it and, like you had said, like that underlying, like there's going to be a lesson to be learned here. I'm going to have growth through this. It's going to be uncomfortable, but there's something so much better on the other side of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's scary to step into our like, our more or even better, and part of that is we just don't believe we're worth it or we don't believe it's going to happen. But I feel like once I got into you know, those check marks and the hundred things, I started stepping, I felt like again, I was just convicted that it can't not work. I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about that, those statistics that people threw my way, because I was like I don't get it. If I do all these things, how would my business flop? If I'm trying hard every day and this is all I have to do, right, I don't have a job anymore, so this is all I have to do, right, I don't have a job anymore, so this is all I have to do. I'm pretty sure I could run with it.
Speaker 2:That came from a pretty deep place, but I think that was the self-belief I needed and I think that, yeah, just stepping into like the better, I deserve more and like I really, yeah, I really appreciated the possibilities and I think just living in an expanded version of myself because being trapped is like pure limitations I did not think. I didn't think anything would change. I find that so funny that I created a business and I was like, no, it's never gonna happen, but I'm having fun, and that was it. Like that was the biggest lie, I guess. But that's how it felt at the time, that I was just having fun, it was like my side hustle, I was calling it moonlighting, I didn't tell anyone, I just did it and I got really excited and I felt really inspired and then it happened, like I manifested it, I guess. But yeah, so interesting, it's so wild.
Speaker 1:It is. It's nice to look back and be reminded. You know all of the things that you did for yourself, for nobody else, just yourself. So my last question for you is what is one piece of advice that you would like to leave here with everybody? Just one, just one.
Speaker 2:I have one, but it's in three parts, okay. Okay, looking back at this experience, I think the first part of the advice I would give is definitely listen to your voice, cause I feel like we always knew. I kind of knew in that first interview, to be honest, with someone telling me I was not worthy of the job, that it wasn't meant for me, but I did it anyways. And then over time, it's like I kept having that little voice of like maybe there's something else, or is this really what you want to be doing?
Speaker 2:Isn't this someone else's dream? And I just kept like silencing my voice. But I I knew, and I feel like from there, from giving my voice a little bit more of a platform, I was really able to start considering I know it was a little bit stressful, but just considering what I really did want. So if not this, then what? And I told you, I went back and forth Like I'd think about it until I really pushed myself to the brink of being very uncomfortable, and then I would think about other stuff. And I think over time I just got used to playing around with those thoughts. So I really just had like a natural approach to that, like thinking about it until I was like, no, that will never happen or that's like causing a lot of anxiety, so I'm going to stop.
Speaker 2:So I felt like I had the checking in with my voice and then clarifying what I wanted, and then I can't tell you what would be more powerful than just those little steps. Like for me it was the binder, but I felt like those consistent steps and really saving time every day to work on the thing that you really want was helpful. So we have appointments right, like doctor's appointments and dentist appointments and and zoom meetings and stuff, but I feel like we don't prioritize time with ourself to create or dream or whatever it is Like. I schedule it now like it's an appointment and that's like a non-negotiable amount of time because I just need it. And if we're not doing that, we're not prioritizing ourself, but we're we're also less likely to get what we really want, and so I've really learned to like covet that time and, yeah, the consistent steps. I guess I proved it. It did work and it can't not work if you put in the time.
Speaker 1:Wow, Well, thank you. Thank you so much, Lindsay, for being here and sharing your story. It's amazing and I hope it's a reminder to everybody that's listening that your dreams are worth pursuing and that you know sometimes it's uncomfortable, Sometimes it takes a little bit longer than what we had expected, but they're always worth pursuing.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent and again it's like you have one life. Just get working on it and see what you can do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, thank you again.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
