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THIS IS WE
Vanessa's Voyage: Embracing the Path to Authentic Happiness and Resilient Living
Ever found yourself at a crossroads, where the beaten path no longer appealed to you? Vanessa from GW General Wealth Capital Group of Companies joins me, Portia Chambers, on a heartfelt journey through the twists and turns of forging a path true to oneself. We unfold tales of career transitions, the joy of simple pleasures, and the courage it takes to align actions and relationships with your core identity. Vanessa's insights remind us that the quest for true happiness is intertwined with authenticity and the bravery to pursue it.
Embarking on a solo voyage can be daunting, yet it holds the key to profound self-awareness and growth. In this discussion, Vanessa and I share our experiences with solitude and emotional management, dissecting the societal taboos that often discourage such endeavors, especially for women. We explore the freedom and clarity that come from moments spent in quiet reflection and the transformative impact they can have on our lives. Through Vanessa's narrative, we are inspired to carve out time for ourselves, to find peace and confidence in our independence.
What if confronting your toughest emotions was the gateway to a brighter, happier you? The final leg of our journey with Vanessa traverses the rocky terrain of tough emotional decisions, the choice to be happy, and the resilience needed to overcome life's challenges. We talk strategies for expression and recovery, ensuring that we not only survive the down days but also appreciate the good ones even more. Vanessa's story is a beacon of hope, proving that facing challenges head-on can lead to newfound happiness and a life rich with purpose and joy. Join us as we celebrate the pursuit of happiness and the unwavering spirit of resilience.
Connect with Vanessa on Instagram @vanessapannozzo
Do you have a story to share? Interested in being a guest? Fill out our inquiry form and we will be in touch!
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Join me, portia Chambers, as I sit down with women just like you, sharing moments in their lives that shape them into who they are today Stories of motherhood, betrayal, transformation, love and loss, vulnerable conversations, deep connection and collective healing. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. I am so excited to have our next guest here with us. Vanessa is the energetic and driven director of operations and co-owner at GW General Wealth Capital Group of Companies. She's on the mission to make a positive impact in real estate and build strong connections among women in business. Welcome, vanessa.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you so much for having me. That was a great intro, thank you, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:That was a great intro, thank you. So today we're going to be talking about what true happiness is and your journey to true happiness. So, before we get into your story, I would love for you to share with us what it means to you. Before we start, tell us what true happiness means to you.
Speaker 2:It was funny because I was looking at the list of you know topics that we were going to go over today and at first, and I wonder if this is a natural human instinct for everybody.
Speaker 2:But I almost tried to generalize what happiness means as a whole and what that feeling is, and then I had to take a step back and realize that it's different, obviously, for everybody, and I think it's so easy sometimes to ignore your own emotions about how you feel about something and just trying to generalize it to a description that fits everybody.
Speaker 2:But what I came down to, and what I narrowed it down to, was living, living a life that feels authentic and true to you. So, and to kind of get a little bit more specific, to not feel like you're ever pretending to be something that you're not, and to truly be doing activities and spending time with people who make you feel like your true self. And I think until you start to do that, you don't even really know what your true self is and what that looks like. So I think as you get older and start to experience more of life, you kind of realize what those things are. And for me, I find that by sticking close to those people and things and activities that make me feel like my true and honest self. That brings me happiness, and you never feel like you're pretending or trying too hard.
Speaker 1:I love that, I love that definition. So I know we're supposed to go into the story, but I do have a question Already Um, what are those things that bring you to happiness? For?
Speaker 2:me, it ranges from my personal and professional life. I'll start with personal because that's a little easier to explain, but I'm a foodie, so I love being able to try new food spots. I'm also a city person more than a country person, so being able to go to different cities it can be something as simple as Toronto, and I grew up being really close with my cousins, so spending a lot of time with family is something that makes me happy as well, and in business and in my career, being able to expand my mind and challenge myself and have opportunities that force me to get out of my comfort zone and grow, and the more that I become a team leader and you know we've built our team of staff and our group of companies being the impact that you can have on other people just by coming into the room and being in a good mood is something that's so impactful and so fulfilling oh, I really like that.
Speaker 1:I like the foodie part because I'm not so much of a foodie so I love it, like other people, and I'm like, oh, maybe I should get into that. I like I like a good bakery, like I will drive anywhere for a good donut. My girlfriend and I do that. Like we've drive like hours to go eat, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I totally get that. So you're more of a sweet than a savory person. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, but we do go, we do go out and try to find like a good apple fritter.
Speaker 2:It's a whole experience. Like you know, you have conversations in the car, you have a memory together, so I totally get that. Yeah, it's the best.
Speaker 1:So let's now go into your story, and I know that we chatted a little bit in the DMs prior to this and I always am in so much awe when I get to kind of preview the story, because I do have to prepare, but sometimes it's just such a little nugget, and so I'm very curious because you started your journey young and I really commend you for that, because I look back when I was in my 20s and what I was doing and you know, understanding the true meaning of happiness for myself was not one of the things that I was striving for or even looking for, and so I just, I absolutely am excited to hear your story and the journey that you have been on. So let's start, I guess, a little bit from the beginning, when you were in school and you know, making that decision to drop out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I'll start from a little bit before going to university and it kind of leads me into that journey. So I grew up with two parents in the first responder field, so my dad was a police officer and my mom was a 911 call taker. So anytime you call 911, she's one of the people that would answer the phone for. Just to clarify that, um, so the topic of psychology was always super interesting to me and I grew up hearing stories like that around dinner. It was just I would go to police stations growing up. Like it was something that was so normal for me. And when you're 1718 years old, I think it's a little bit difficult, like even looking back now and I'm not even like 30 yet obviously there's so much that I know now that I didn't know back then, even something as simple as career options and what's available beyond, just like, let's say, five main careers or industries that you talk about in high school. So long story short, I fell into psychology and that's what I majored in in school and for me I wasn't really sure what specific area of that industry I wanted to go into, but I thought this is something that I've heard so often growing up, so it just makes sense, and I didn't really understand any other industry, to be honest, because it's very vague when you're in high school what they tell you about. So I went in through my first year, my second year and then it was in the start of my third year, I would say, where I just realized that I wasn't being challenged or stimulated at all and I just felt very bored and that definitely wasn't the basis of my decision was being bored, but more so. It just led me to have a lot of time to think and I felt like I wanted more out of my life. And I felt like with university and I 100% think that this is different for every major, but for mine specifically I felt like I couldn't actually get anywhere in my career if I didn't get a master's, get a PhD, which would be equivalent to spending almost another decade in school and maybe another six figures just paying for tuition.
Speaker 2:And I thought what happened at the end of that? What does that look like? And it just felt very close, ended closed door for me, and the more that I sat there and thought about it, I just became incredibly unhappy with everything that I was doing and it was something that was seriously like a day to day thing for me of like I don't enjoy going to these classes, like this is something I could probably find on Google, which is a little potentially controversial to say, but that's how I felt and I came to the decision that it wasn't something that I wanted to continue on and so I didn't finish my fourth year, which is something that's also been a topic of controversy in my life thus far, because a lot of comments I've gotten have said well, you just had the one year left, why didn't you finish? Why didn't you finish? And it was just the all consuming feeling of unhappiness and like where is this road actually going to lead me? That's going to make me feel fulfilled in my life and not keep me boxed into a nine to five with a ceiling of a salary that I could hit and long story short, those emotions consumed me for probably the majority of that third year. Obviously, I finished that and at the end of it I decided that it wasn't something I wanted to continue doing, and, of course, I could go into, obviously, real estate and how that started, but I'll pause there for now so you talk about.
Speaker 1:You had mentioned that there was a lot of people or a few people, I don't know. Um, we're just telling you like egging you on, like do your fourth year, you know that expectation, you should just finish at ever. Was there ever a point where you felt like egging you on, like do your fourth year, you know that expectation, you should just finish at ever. Was there ever a point where you felt like a failure, that you didn't complete the fourth year? Or were you like strong in your decision to be like no, you can't get me into this, I'm good. What a loaded question.
Speaker 2:I think it's a little bit of both, to be honest.
Speaker 2:There was definitely days and moments where I was living with three other people at the time and they were still going on that process and that, that road and path, and so, yeah, there was definitely times where I felt like I was the odd one out and that I should just be acting happy or I should just be kind of going along and going with the flow and to nobody's fault other than my own was I feeling like that.
Speaker 2:I just felt like I couldn't relate, and there was a lot of things that I maybe wanted to talk about, but I hadn't even said them out loud yet, so I wasn't even really sure how to vocalize those emotions and feelings. And then, yeah, just outside, views of people that were older than me, so completely different than people my age, obviously at the time, and people older than me who it was a mix either had degrees or didn't, that just try to inflict almost a feeling of free, preemptive regret in me that I this was a decision that I wouldn't feel good about making five, six, ten years down the line. And now that you're here, do you regret it?
Speaker 2:no, I don't regret it, which I thank god. What a relief. Um, everybody that said that was not right in my opinion. But no, I I don't regret it. It's been such a great decision and for so many reasons which we can definitely get into. But no, it's not a decision that I regret and it was almost instantaneous, like as soon as I have had those conversations with my parents and decided that this was something I was going to do, I felt such a relief and just an instant sense of, like surface level happiness, of wow, like I don't have to go back to that.
Speaker 1:And how was it? How was it having the conversation with your parents? I know, at a younger age, like I look my daughter's 16, she'll be 17 this year and I'm very much like there's so many options because my husband works like more of a traditional job and I don't. So she sees both sides, the perks and you know the default, like you know, some of the not great stuff that kind of comes with both sides of everything. But I know that my opinion my husband will say the almighty Portia in our house holds a lot of weight to her and I try not to speak my opinion about anything. But when you were talking with your parents, did their opinion hold weight on you? Or like, once again, were you just feeling so strong in your decision that you're like I'm just doing it regardless?
Speaker 2:No, their opinions definitely held weight to me and I'm obviously in a family business. So I work with my dad now and that was the decision and path that I wanted to go into. And it was funny because when I was in my second, last and last year of high school, he always had wanted me to even just take a year off and that gap year before going to post-secondary and see what it was like to work with him. And obviously he used to be in a traditional role in a traditional field of first responder, police officer, and then went to more of an entrepreneurial journey and that was something he wanted me to experience and explore. But, being stubborn and 17, I was like no, I'm not doing that, never in a million years. And so I was definitely nervous because they both have degrees.
Speaker 2:And I was nervous because this was something he'd wanted for a long time but something that I never really thought I would do, because I was so of the opinion that I need to make it on my own, I want to forge my own path, sort of thing.
Speaker 2:And so to be flipping on that decision three years into a four-year degree, I definitely felt like like, oh, I don't know how this is gonna go. Um. So I told my mom first and she was surprised for sure, especially because we weren't living together at that time, um, and then obviously had conversations with my dad and they were very supportive, a thousand percent, which I was super lucky because I know that a lot of parents can be very traditional and obviously going to school and getting a degree and going into your field is what society, I think, sets out to be like the ideal path for all young people, like that's what you're supposed to do. So I know that that may not be the case for anybody and everybody who's made a decision like mine, but I was super lucky that I did have support from them, which definitely made that decision feel that much better.
Speaker 1:How did you roll through the emotions when you were kind of guided in one direction, saying yeah, I'm going to do this nine to five, I'm going to finish my four year degree, and then deciding, no, I think I want to take another route?
Speaker 2:it was definitely a lot of emotions and I think the decision and process leading up to dropping out was a whole different set of emotions than when I started my career, which I'm three years or so into, and I would say I rolled through them by. Honestly, I just found that I was taking more time to myself, whether that was waking up earlier to have time to read a motivational book, you know something, by Tim Grover or whatever it may be. Or my dad's been on a lot of podcasts as well, so I would secretly listen to the ones that he'd been on, like either late at night or earlier in the morning, and I was just trying to like prepare myself for what I already knew was going to be the next phase of my life. And I think once I had that initial period of telling everybody that was close to me, it the feeling of anxiety and like feeling stuck and bottled up in something that didn't fit for me completely disappeared. And it was more so that feeling of relief, which then transitioned into completely just being overwhelmed afterwards when I started my career.
Speaker 2:But there was never really a point of emotions where I was like, oh shit, am I making the wrong decision? So it was rolling through that process had so many different emotions. But yeah, does that answer your question? Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1:And then, after this experience, have you ever experienced anything else that kind of holds the same weight? Where you were like I've been through this before, I know how to navigate through this. It might be a little bit different context, but that same idea, that same feeling that was invoked, where you're like this just isn't sitting well with me. This is not something that I want to do anymore and I'm ready to kind of let it go and then move on to something else. Do you? Has that happened again in your life?
Speaker 2:That's a really good question. I don't think that anybody's ever asked me that, but no, I don't think that I've had that emotion again. I'm just trying to think of the person that I felt like I was, or the woman that I felt like I was, or the woman that I felt like I was when I first made that decision to where I am now. And, if anything, it was maybe just letting go of feelings like feeling like I wasn't good enough or feeling like I didn't fit in a certain place, and almost shifting my mindset to be more in the present of like no, this is who you are, you're in the moment and you can't necessarily act like you would have in the past. And it changed my life completely and it definitely forced me to grow up and be more mature almost immediately, which I'm very grateful for. But no, I haven't had a point in my life again or slash yet where I'm like oh no, this is not feeling good for me, so knock on wood, but yeah.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. Amazing because you know, sometimes it takes a few small hurdles to kind of get us to where we actually want to be in life. Um, so yeah, but you still have lots of time to go, so yes, exactly I was like shoot.
Speaker 2:Let me reflect back on, like the whole last three years of my life. How am I feeling today?
Speaker 1:no, it's all good all good, yeah, and they're just. I you know they're great. You know as much as we don't want those things to happen in our life. They're great experiences to have and there's so many lessons that are learned. Like you had said, like in that experience of dropping out, you matured in a way that you probably never would have gotten to if you stayed in school. And you know this version of yourself now would not be the same version of yourself if you did the extra year right. There could be a lot of resentment and a lot of anger, a lot of other feelings that can go along with that. So let's move into your you know, your true happiness journey. So how did it feel when you finished your third year and you're like I'm not going back, like packing up all of your stuff and like loading it in the car and heading I'm assuming back to your parents' place.
Speaker 1:Yes, and how did that feel.
Speaker 2:It felt great, to be honest, it felt like this was something that I'd been mentally coming to terms with for the last like, let's say, six months per se, and it felt like, wow, this is finally happening. And obviously I was super lucky to have not something to fall into because it definitely hasn't been easy and it wasn't something that I fell into and just picked it up and, like you know, nailed it right away. But obviously I was lucky to have, you know, moving back in with my parents and being able to pick my dad's brain about everything and have tough conversations with him that, you know, had a ton of questions and that lasted hours long of like, what led you to this place. It felt great, it felt overwhelming.
Speaker 2:I cried so much more so out of overwhelm and also just being happy and being like I can't believe that this is like my day to day now and it's funny because, like you said, I am still so young but I feel like I've done so much over, let's say, the last six years total that it's like, wow, this is like finally happening. And, looking back, I literally could have never guessed at 17 that I would have made this decision, like I would have literally told you, never in a million years would I be doing this. But, yeah, super, super happy and, like I said before, surface level happy and I think it took me time to really figure out what happiness was and what were the things that I excelled at in a career and how did that make me happy.
Speaker 1:And it's, yeah, it's been a journey, so you mentioned that you know a lot had happened in six years and you can't you know. Looking back, you can't believe you know all of the, you know transitions and all of the things and where you are now. Do you ever think what the next six years could bring? Like? If you like like, look at where I got in six years. Imagine where I could be in the next.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely something that I think about frequently and I think, because of the career that I'm in and because I guess I'm in a stage of succession planning with my family if that makes sense, because my dad doesn't want to be doing this forever he's obviously lived a whole separate life before being an entrepreneur, so it's definitely thinking about the future is something that I'm able to do now, and that's a great point that you bring it up, because I remember when I was still in school, my boyfriend asked me you know, like I was obviously still young, like, let's say, I was 20 or something, and he was like you know, what does that look like for you? Like what is the next? Like you know, what does that look like for you? Like what is the next, like even decade or five years look like for you? And it was such a hard question for me to answer. It made me uncomfortable, it made me feel overwhelmed and at those moments it made me feel like almost like a failure, like you mentioned before, because I didn't have an answer for it.
Speaker 2:But now I find it very easy to look to the next six years, whether it's personal developments or career developments, and looking at what I want to achieve and it seems achievable, and I think that's the best part, because the future is no longer blurry. It's very clear and achievable.
Speaker 1:Where does this confidence come from? Like I'm listening to you and I'm like damn, come from. Like I'm listening to you and I'm like damn, where does this come from? Like you talk about personal development, career development, like is it all intertwined in one? Was there one pivotal moment where you're like no, I know myself now.
Speaker 2:I think it comes back to knowing myself, like you just said, and I think that was such a process.
Speaker 2:Like I said, I spent so much time reading motivational books and trying to tap into, like a different part of myself and I think, over time, the more that I spend learning myself by doing different things, trying different routines and seeing what it is that I like, and I've also had to figure a lot of stuff out, not necessarily on my own, but experiences that my dad can't relate to because he's not a woman in business, he's not obviously still young, but he's not in his 20s young as an entrepreneur, as a woman in at least what I would consider to be still a pretty male dominated industry.
Speaker 2:And I think I very quickly realized and I mentioned it at the start but having a team and having employees and staff is a huge responsibility and it became very clear to me that if I didn't show up as somebody that was capable of answering questions and doing a role myself if somebody else couldn't, and being able to have tough conversations, it was a lot of out of my comfort zone moments. That, I think, gave me the confidence that I have now and even like looking back at stuff that would have made me like cry or feel overwhelmed or anxious in my first year of my career and I think it happens with everybody. But being able to stand here now and be like, oh, that's no big deal, like I can definitely handle that now, like it's totally cool. It's just a collective amount of experiences, both personally and professionally, that I think, yeah, gave me the confidence that I have now, and there's definitely still areas where I still feel a little unconfident. But I don't think that's a bad thing anymore. I think it's just a learning curve For sure.
Speaker 1:So you talk a lot about your career, let's talk a little bit about your personal, your personal journey to self. And I think I want to almost ask the same question again is that same confidence you have in your career the same confidence that you have in your personal life outside of your job?
Speaker 2:I would say yes, maybe to a different degree.
Speaker 2:In my personal life there's still so much growth that I feel like I have to catch up to my professional self.
Speaker 2:If that makes sense, like being able to move out on in my you know own space and being able to have all of the responsibilities that come with.
Speaker 2:That is something that I know is going to change me and affect me in a positive way and push me to grow. And I think, as I continue to grow in that other part of my life, I strive for more personal independence, and that's the part where I think there's definitely an opportunity to grow there and find more happiness there, because I spend so much of my time around other people, whether it's in my career or whether it's with family or my significant other, whatever it may be and so being able to have that pivotal moment in my life which will relate to me having a lot more time alone, is something that I'm really looking forward to, and I think there's definitely an area of growth there, for sure, and if I had to highlight one piece, I think it would be that and again, not to keep jumping back to my career, but I think it's helped me manage my emotions a lot better in my personal life, but there's definitely still work that I could do there in that regard as well.
Speaker 1:I love how you mentioned being alone solitude, because I think that is something that we don't talk enough about and there's so much importance in it, because I'm a person that has never been alone and, to add context to it, I met my husband in my second year of college. To it I had, I met my husband in my second year of college. I moved from my parents' house to his house in my third year. I got pregnant in my third year and had my daughter just when I finished college, and so I literally have never been alone in my life. Yeah, and being 37, I'm like I just want to be alone.
Speaker 1:Yes, so anybody that's like I'm dabbling into being alone. I'm like just be alone, like learn to love being alone with yourself, because I think for so many years of my life even after I became a mom and that kind of gives you a little bit of different confidence and doing different things and and stuff like that and growing and learning there was always this awkwardness of being alone with myself, like I'm like a loser or like no one wants to be with me but I love how it's slowly changing and people are now more romanticizing the idea of being alone and how special that is, which I think is so important, and I love that you brought that up as something that you know on the personal side of things is something that you know you're eager to grow into, because I that excites me for you.
Speaker 2:It's huge for sure, and I agree, like I think that's another thing in society that people used to paint as being so weird and so out of the norm, and even like it is such a traditional thing to never really live alone unless you've had like it's almost like unless you've had something traumatic happen in your life that's forced you to be alone. Then you're expected to be living with somebody, whether it's family or a partner. But I think you can learn so much from being alone. I completely agree, and anytime I have that, it's absolutely a moment that I spend in that solitude and just like hang out with yourself. Like it clears your mind, and it's always been something that I've tried to kind of find little morning routines or night routines here and there, and so that's an area where I definitely want to spend more attention on as well, and not necessarily be so rushed and move so quick and just really take the time to slow down and be with yourself and clear your head before giving that energy to everybody else around you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, and it's hard. It's, it's really, really hard, like I've now, maybe in the last three years, have finally been able to communicate with my husband. I get to go away, like my parents have this beautiful little hideaway cottage on a river and it's really close to my house, and I am like, okay, I'm going there for, you know, a night or two nights. I just need to like not think about everybody else and and it's, and it's hard, cause he's like well, what can I do to support you? And I was like I'm grateful that you want to support me, but no, nothing you'll do will ever take the weight away from me at.
Speaker 2:It's so true, and it's not something to feel guilty about, but even as women, it's something that people can make you out to feel guilty about because you're taking time for yourself instead of pouring into other people. But I think the overarching theme and picture is that if you pour into yourself, you have a fuller cup to be able to give to other people.
Speaker 1:For sure. They always say what pour from an overflowing cup, then like a fall clap.
Speaker 2:You don't want to exactly because that's yours yes, I haven't heard the overflowing part.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, I did an event once and one of the speakers, marcia, said that like yeah, you got to pour from an overflowing cup because the cup full is yourself and you have to give what's overflowing. Yeah, which makes sense, a hundred percent. So where do you see your your true happiness journey going? What a great question.
Speaker 2:I see it becoming stronger and I see it becoming even more clear, like we just kind of wrapped up saying there's still so much I have to learn about myself and I would never really be naive enough to think that just because I, you know, have had the last six years that I've had that you know, I'm done and I'm set for life. Like that's definitely not the way. I think I like to be a constant learner and constantly growing. I think if you're stagnant in old ways of belief or operating, you're kind of holding yourself down and that doesn't make anybody happy or do anybody justice.
Speaker 2:So I think being able to continue exploring different areas of myself and what brings me that feeling of just knowing in my gut that this is authentically something I enjoy doing is where I want to go. I want to have the opportunity to discover that more, try more things in my personal life, whether it's a new restaurant or whatever it may be having to do with food or not. But yeah, trying new experiences, you know, doing different things with different friends and pushing myself out of my comfort zone, is something that I've always found forces me to think and forces me to feel things, and whether it's good or bad. You take something from it and you learn something from it. But I never want to have a rigid set of beliefs of like this is what makes me happy. This is what I like to do, and never switching that up. I think constantly switching it and trying new things can only make that vision even more clear. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:And I love how you mentioned that you force yourself to think and to feel, because I think that is so important. That's how I am and sometimes I think to myself. I was thinking the other day like I'm so highly observant of myself, my surroundings, other people and I finally, like I was talking about it in therapy and I afterwards I was thinking, I was like, is this a curse? Like did I just force myself to think and to feel and to learn to the point where I'm like, did I curse myself with this? I don't think it is, but I love how you brought that up, because I think that is so important to push ourselves, to encourage ourselves, to do it for ourselves, not for anybody else, not for external validation or to prove anybody wrong or right. So how does it feel when you, you know, sit down with yourself and force yourself into thinking differently or, you know, feeling those emotions?
Speaker 2:The word that I would use that comes to my mind when you ask that question is just clarity. And it's so easy, especially for me in the past, to just roll through days, conversations, emotions, experiences, without really stopping to think about how they make me feel. And I found a lot in the past. There'd be days or nights, or whatever time of day it was, and I just feel anxiety in the sense of like I just feel foggy, like I don't really know how I feel. Something's upsetting me but I don't really know how it is.
Speaker 2:And it took me a long time and there's definitely still work to be done there but it took me a long time to even get to the point where I could stop myself for long enough to think like hey, it's okay If you feel this way, like let's think about it and talk about it and like why did it make you feel this way?
Speaker 2:And it's definitely something I can still get in the habit of doing is just kind of going through the motions of things. But when I can and stop myself and think about things, it's great, honestly, like it brings you such a sense of peace to know that like not that you have to analyze every part of your day but to just go over it and have a moment to like debrief with yourself. I think it brings so much clarity and it's like oh, you know, I'm feeling really worked up about this Like why do I think that is and I think it's so important to unpack that because it goes back to the whole cup thing too Like if you're constantly just bottling up emotions and experiences and not really thinking like what about that, didn't I like, then you're doing, I think, yourself a disservice and not operating at like your best self.
Speaker 1:I agree, I agree and I feel like sometimes those I I know for myself, especially when I feel like, sometimes those I know for myself, especially when I feel like those emotions are like holding extra weight, when I know I'm like this shouldn't really be this bad, but yet I'm still clinging on to it. That's when I typically go to my husband, because he can totally separate. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And he'll be like Portia, you're not mad at this, You're mad at this and I'm like, oh, that really had nothing to do with me. Yes, like it's so true and it puts it in perspective and it like it immediately releases, and I was like, okay, now I'm gonna think of another situation that was similar to that and analyze it back and be like, okay, yeah, I kind of I noticed this is a reoccurring thing, a theme in my life, and it always comes back to this and I was like, okay, this is what I need to work on right now.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to actively put this intention forward and see where it takes me. So I love that, I love it and I just I love having this conversation with you because you are in your 20s and I always go back to I, immediately just go back to myself. That's the only thing I can really do. I like my daughter's not in her twenties, but just being so self-aware at that time, like I think, just really leads you to have this incredible life and not meaning it and being like it's going to be blissful and easy. It just means that it's just going to. It's going to be more authentic and it's going to be more about living than it is about rolling through and, like you had said, like just kind of moving through the emotions, moving through my day to day. Oh, this is what's on the list. Okay, it becomes. It becomes more present, like you become more present within everything.
Speaker 1:And a question I have for you is what advice would you give to somebody who's listening right now, whether they be in their 20s, their 30s, 40s, 50s, kind of, in this moment, where they are feeling like whatever I'm doing, whether it be a job, whether it be a relationship, whether it just be their own personal development, feeling kind of stuck and uneasy and going like I know if I stay here it's not going to be good for me, but I know moving out of this is going to be really hard, but I don't know which one. You know I want to pick the easier route, but I don't want to pick the easier route. What advice would you give to them?
Speaker 2:I think the theme of this whole conversation has been authenticity and being present and doing things that feel authentic to you, and that's the word that I would kind of use as like I guess, the tip of the iceberg when it comes to a piece of advice, like finding those things.
Speaker 2:And yeah, if somebody's teeter tottering and I'm glad you highlighted like it could be a relationship, it could be a business decision, a life decision, it could be any decision. But if you're torn between two things, it's it's for a reason, it's not because it just so happened to pop into your head. You know, every single day when you wake up you just think about these two options or three options that you have in your life. Like your brain is thinking of these things for a reason and I think by ignoring them and pushing them down, it's only leading to true unhappiness because there's a part of you or a part of life that you're in a sense refusing to kind of ignore or not ignore. You're refusing to acknowledge and bring to life and 100%.
Speaker 2:It may be tough and it probably will be tough for a lot of people that are toying with an important decision in their life, but facing those tough emotions at the onset is so worth it and I think, really as much as it's important to be present, thinking about the future and thinking like how would my future self feel if I made the tougher decision today, and obviously, more times than not, you'll be grateful that you made that decision and that you acknowledge those your head for a reason and almost again, like the theme of this latter part of the conversation of, like acknowledging things and thinking and forcing yourself to figure out how something makes you feel is so important, especially if your gut's telling you to go one way or another, forcing yourself to like sit in solitude and figure out what will be best for you, is so important. And I would definitely say that ignorance is not bliss in this situation, and I think that's how I'll kind of end off. That piece of advice is that ignorance is not bliss in all situations.
Speaker 1:That's so true, I was so happy you ended it with that, because it's kind of like I know for myself myself, like kind of that can be how I want to feel, right, like it's like I'm just gonna pretend it's not talking to me right now, yeah, and just move on and it'll quiet down eventually. But never does, but no never do.
Speaker 2:Yes, you, you're pretending you're in this state of bliss. Yeah, it's totally fine, just that it's don't even yeah it's fine.
Speaker 1:What do you do on days?
Speaker 1:I have one more question after this, but I really wanted to ask this what do you do on days where you feel like your happiness is being taken from you?
Speaker 1:And I wanted to say you know, happiness is ultimately a a choice. We have to wake up every day, remind my daughter of that all the time, um, that you have to choose how you want to like if you want to be happy, if you don't want to be happy, and you have to kind of take the action forward to do it after that choice. And I also reminder that and I say this to myself that I'm the keeper of my own happiness. So if I want to keep my happiness, I have to, you know, guard it and put boundaries up and all of these different things to allow myself to be happy. But on the days where you, whether you wake up and feel this way, or whether something had happened in the day, and you just feel like I felt so great and now I feel like complete shit emotionally, what do you do on those days to reignite that light again?
Speaker 2:I think what I used to do is just kind of try to ignore it and just brush past it and be like like, whatever this will fade this or pass.
Speaker 2:But I think now and not necessarily like sitting in this sadness or whatever, feeling anxiety, overwhelmed that it may be, but giving it its moment like again I'm I'm definitely a huge reliever and like if I'm feeling this way and I don't typically feel this way like it's for a reason, and I want to acknowledge that, because if you cried out or if you have a hard conversation with somebody or vented out, it is so much more worth it, even if it is just like a simple vent to your partner or your friend or your family member about the way you're feeling.
Speaker 2:Like sometimes, when you talk through it like that, it's so much easier to let it just go by a lot faster, whereas if you ignore it, I find it almost lasts longer and it's like a lingering feeling because you didn't do anything about it. So being able to just kind of sit in it for a second and either let your emotions out or talk it out is super helpful to me, and I think it's also so easy to like paint the picture of like every day is going to be great and you're going to be happy every single day, but like that's not true, like some days you're just not, whether you're PMSing or whether it's not even that time of the month, like whatever it is, like not every day is going to be like picture perfect, best day of your life.
Speaker 2:And I think having those down days like almost recharges you because you're like okay, like it's fine, like I'll get over it. You know it's okay to cry, it's okay to let it out, like move on, and you know, hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up and feel better and it's almost like okay, I'm glad I let that out.
Speaker 1:I like that. I love that point that you made, that you know, not every day is going to be perfect as much as we want it to be. Yeah, that's just. We wake up with the intention of like it's gonna be a great day today. Sometimes shit just happens.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and it's out of your control.
Speaker 1:Right, Exactly that was like yesterday. I just had to. My husband came home to my screaming music and I'm sure he was probably like damn, she's angry today.
Speaker 2:He's like wow, on a Monday too, what? If I started off yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's been a. It's hasn't been a heavy two days, but it's been a. It's been a stressful, but out of my control. Stress has to do with my daughter. So it's been a stressful, but out of my control. Stress has to do with my daughter, so it's it's like a different emotions, trying to understand what that is and how I take on that role and not take on that role, um, but anyways, my last question for you and I ask everybody this question is what is one piece of advice that you would like to leave here, and it could be about the topic at hand. It could be something totally different.
Speaker 2:I would say that everybody is capable of so much more than I think you initially believe that you are. And it's not until you force yourself to try something new or get out of your comfort zone that you realize you can do a lot more than a box that you may have put yourself in. And the more that you realize you can do, I'm convinced the happier that it will make you.
Speaker 1:I like that a lot, thank you, I do. That speaks to me, thank you, I like it Well. On that note, thank you, vanessa, for being here and sharing your story and moments of your life and starting over and doing all of those things. I commend you on it. I really do Thank you.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it and thanks again for having me my pleasure.
