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Stacey's Odyssey: Confronting Body Image and Embracing Self-Love Through Life's Trials
Have you ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders, purely based on your reflection in the mirror? My guest, Stacey, a courageous mother, takes us through the valleys and peaks of grappling with body image and the pressures of diet culture. Her story is one of vulnerability and resilience, from early dieting influences to the emotional complexities following a Poland syndrome diagnosis and subsequent reconstructive surgery. Stacey's raw honesty sets the stage for a powerful discussion about the deep-rooted connections between our physical appearance and our inner worth.
As our conversation unfolds, we tackle the shadows of eating disorders and the beacon of hope that is recovery. Stacey offers an intimate look at her battle with binging, restricting, and the transformative journey towards intuitive eating and self-help. Furthermore, we delve into her encounters with breast implant illness and the imperative of self-advocacy within the medical system. Her perseverance through misdiagnosis and the quest for proper medical attention is a rallying cry for the strength inherent in fighting for one's health.
To round off our heartfelt exchange, we celebrate the wisdom found in embracing aging and the art of self-love. Stacey and I weave through the complexities of emotional healing, the beauty of natural aging, and the societal pressures that often lead to disconnection from our true selves. We underscore the importance of embracing every stage of life with grace and gratitude, empowering listeners to step into a space of self-compassion and to recognize the sheer power of vulnerability. Join us for a narrative that soars with inspiration, humility, and a touch of humor, reminding us all to cherish the simplicities that life has to offer.
Connect with Stacey @staceytrapanesewellness
Do you have a story to share? Interested in being a guest? Fill out our inquiry form and we will be in touch!
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Join me, portia Chambers, as I sit down with women just like you, sharing moments in their lives that shape them into who they are today Stories of motherhood, betrayal, transformation, love and loss, vulnerable conversations, deep connection and collective healing. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. I'm so excited to have our next guest here with us. Stacey is a mother of a 13-year-old son and a nine-year-old daughter, married 20 years, a former New Yorker who transplanted to New Jersey six years ago. Welcome, thank you for having me. I'm so happy that we connected, so I put out a host out of my stories on the we Experience, looking for those that were interested in sharing their story, and I'm so happy that you reached out, because this is a conversation that we have not had on the this Is we podcast and I'm really excited and intrigued and curious about your story. So take us back to the beginning, to when you were a child and struggling with your body image and how that impacted you.
Speaker 2:Sure. So I was born in an Italian family, so food was very it's a big deal Holidays are always big things like that so I was a big eater. I enjoyed my food, I enjoyed my desserts. I was the largest out of my siblings, so I have two older sisters. They're eight and 10 years older than me. The one who's 10 years older is also bigger-bodied and she did get a lot of the ridicule, also from our father, but I felt it was, I guess, because there's such a big age gap. I didn't notice it until it was done to me.
Speaker 2:And so from the time I was a little girl, about five years old, my mother put me on my first diet. We were going on a family cruise and we were in the children's place and my mother was struggling to button shorts on me and pulling me and pulling me and she's like you have to do something about this. You have to do something about it. So immediately from that age I was like there's something wrong with me. I'm not what you want me to be, or maybe I can never be what you want me to be. And then my father had a nickname for my stomach, called Labanza, so he would grab my belly and say Labanza. And in front of people, in front of family members. It was so. This set the precedent for me to want to always hide my body and not to feel safe in my body and not to feel comfortable in my body.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's a lot. And was it through your whole childhood, this experience like when you went on a diet? Did it seem, not that dieting at five is and like it's still kind of like slathergasted by it all? But did you find that when you started to make changes that your parents kind of leaned off, or did it just become worse?
Speaker 2:So I began to make changes because I'm five years old, I mean, I didn't know what a diet was. What does that mean? So when I turned I believe, 12, my sister the one who's eight years older than myself said to me. I told her I'm like, I don't feel comfortable, I'm not alone, I'm tall and on top of that, so I'm like I was the biggest girl in my class. I'm like I don't want to be like this anymore. So my sister said well, why don't we join Weight Watchers? It seems to be helping people.
Speaker 2:So my sister actually did take me to Weight Watchers and I remember when I did. It took me about a year but I lost 40 pounds and I got they gave you a ribbon. Like I look back now and I'm like this is so disordered. You know, it's like crazy. They gave me the ribbon, I brought it home and I put it on the fridge and my dad said you know, I go. Look, dad, I got a ribbon. I lost 40 pounds. I finally hit 40, you know, and my dad looked at me. He goes your toes, look smaller. Now. My dad is a jokester. Not that I am minimizing the, you know that, because that is abuse, but he is a jokester. He always tried, tried to be funny, especially in the face of challenges. My dad uses humor but I guess you know he just didn't know that that was really hurtful.
Speaker 1:Yes, so yeah, yeah, oh, wow, like that just kind of took my breath away.
Speaker 1:You know like when I talk about it now after doing so much work and I'm in the field of counseling and you know health and everything and I just hearing it again is like whoa Mm hmm, like you know, when I hear those things, I immediately think, like when I like I have a 16 year old daughter and I know you have a nine year old daughter and and I think, like I hear that and I was like imagine saying that to my child, like right now, like I'm like, I just can't, I can't even fathom that. And even just to be told that to me as an adult right now would be even hard to hear yeah, of course. Yeah, I would never, I couldn't even imagine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I could never say that to my daughter or my son, you know, to fat shame my children Like I just wouldn't even think to do that. No, not at all.
Speaker 1:So tell us about being 18 and you know your surgery, your surgery, your surgery, your surgeries, the reconstruction of your left breast. Tell us a little bit of that, Give us a little bit of insight, because this is going to slowly lean into our further discussion.
Speaker 2:Sure. So I was born with a birth defect called Poland syndrome and it affects people two different ways. Some people will have a smaller hand and some people will have no pectoral muscle or half a pectoral muscle on one side of their breast. It also affects the shape and the size of the nipple and areola. So when I was 13, I realized something's not right, something isn't growing properly here, and my mother was not very supportive.
Speaker 2:But when I became 18, I did the research, I found a surgeon and I realized that the only way to correct this back then I mean, you know, I'm 47, so we're going back was to get breast implants. So I found a surgeon who basically did not understand what Poland syndrome was. He actually didn't even call it that. He called it an inverted nipple, yeah, and so he performed the surgery and maimed me, wow. So he made everything worse, basically.
Speaker 2:And so from there I went through a very dark, you know, because I'm like here, I was always overweight my whole life. You know now I'm a complete disordered eater. You know I'm a binger, I'm a restrictor, I'm in the full blown blows of an eating disorder, and. But I look good. You know, I look good. Now let me get my boobs fixed, you know. So now I feel completely. Whole is what I believed, you know, at 18 years old. So I wound up looking for another surgeon in the midst of this and I wound up having a second reconstructive surgery where he was able to make my left side look more like a breast.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And he was able to correct, you know, whatever the other surgeon had done.
Speaker 1:And then how did that make, how did that make you feel? Going into one surgery and then coming out being like this is not anything I envisioned. If anything, it's way. On the opposite side. I feel you know worse about my body and then going back and getting it redone again and then looking in the mirror again. And how was that? Did it ever? When you looked in the mirror after your second surgery, did you ever feel like complete, or was it still just solely tearing apart your body?
Speaker 2:I never really felt complete if I said I did on you lying so I just you know what wound up happening I became detached from my breasts, Like I just felt like they're not even a part of me anymore, you know they're just prosthetics. You know he acts under my skin, whatever, but they're just really not a part of me. Wow, if that makes sense, yeah.
Speaker 1:It does make sense. I can kind of relate to that, you know, not really in the same sense, but the disconnect with your breasts, because I remember when I was breastfeeding and it became as if they're not even my own, like it was just like they're just there to feed this child, they have nothing to do with my body, and I couldn't and looking at them, I couldn't judge them, I guess in a way, because they were just so whatever. And they're still kind of like that's 60 years later, right, like I just look at them and I was just like they were just like feeding vessels at the end of the day, like that's it, and starting to like learn to love the body after everything that it has been through, right, all the different sizes and shapes and stretches and not stretching and all of these different things. So I, just, I, oh, my heart breaks to be 20 and to be standing in the mirror. You know, you think that that is, you know, the time of our lives where we're supposed to be absolutely loving ourselves and stepping into the world with this profound confidence. And you know, you're there, you know, struggling with your body.
Speaker 1:And was your eating? Do you call it an eating disorder, like with the binging and the restricting? Did you cover it Like, did you? I don't know why I'm fumbling over my words, but did you consider it an eating disorder? Did it ever come out like that for you, or no?
Speaker 2:I did not know it was an eating disorder until after I had my son. I just thought this is so. My mom is a disorder eater. My mother is anorexic you know there's no other way term for me to. She barely eats. She's bones. You see her bones sticking out. She was overweight also as a teen and was made fun of same kind of concept. I was made fun of two. You know, the same kind of concept, but she hated her body. So I was raised watching her not eat food, smoke a pack a day. You know it was like, okay, so this is, I didn't. I wasn't really a big smoker, but you know I tried it and it wasn't for me, but I would restrict food constantly so I'd be like, oh, going out tonight, okay, that means you don't eat all day, and I learned that from my mother. I learned watching her. You know navigate, that Wow. So I definitely was a disorder eater and I didn't know until after I had my son and I actually went to overeaters anonymous.
Speaker 1:And was it a parent, like did some, did you discover that? Or was it somebody else that kind of said hey, stacy, like maybe your husband or no?
Speaker 2:no, I discovered it. I've always been a very spiritual intuitive, because that is some of the work I do as well. I've always been that, you know, and I would just get messages because I was once again gonna go back to Weight Watchers. Right, literally, I could own, I should own Weight Watchers. I went so many times and finally it just hit me. I was, I just felt this. You know the voice that comes to me and it's like stop paying to lose weight. There's nothing wrong with you. Get to the root. Yes, so I went to overeaters anonymous and you know, I just realized that, first of all, I'm not an overeater. So I'm sitting there in those meetings and I'm like I need therapy. I don't need to hear, necessarily, I need therapy. I'm not an overeater, I'm a binger and restrictor, you know, and that's what set me on my journey to start healing those parts Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Tell us a little bit more about that. Tell us a little bit more about this journey, this awakening that you experienced.
Speaker 2:So I wound up not going for therapy. I wound up reading lots of books. One of them was called Intuitive Eating. Another one was called I don't know if I could say the word. It's a curse word. You can say the word Okay, well, I don't know, the fucker diet, yeah. So I started reading these books and I realized that I was.
Speaker 2:The reason why I was binging was because I was starving, mm-hmm, and I was not able to regulate my blood sugar. So this is why I would binge, you know. And it made total sense. I'm like, oh my god, so I'm just gonna eat what I want to eat and I'm gonna eat when I'm hungry. And and I Was a much happier person I Wasn't having these belts of rage constantly. I mean, it was getting. I really wanted to get help because it was getting to the point where I was. I had punched a cabinet in front of my son Because I was so hungry. I didn't know that. Then I thought I was just. I really was like I'm not well. I'm not well. You know, I'm not fit to be a mother. But that wasn't the case, obviously. It was just I was starving, mm-hmm you know it.
Speaker 1:It it makes sense because we you know, when you're uncomfortable, you're in pain, you're immediately irritable, you're immediately already on edge before anything External comes to kind of invade. That. So I can, I can understand that. So how was your husband through everything?
Speaker 2:My husband was great. He is always my biggest fan cheerleader but he did say to me that I need to get help Because he would, you know, I would just rage out For the silliest thing, you know, something would fall on the floor and I'd be like like lose it. And he was like you need, you need to get help. Like this is not okay behavior, you know, and he's been in therapy for years, so he was like working on himself and and everything and I'm like you know whatever. But, like I said, I didn't know it was my blood sugar, it did not have any idea.
Speaker 2:That it was because I was literally just so hungry. If you would never think something like that could really Make you I hangry is a real thing. Yeah, it is a real thing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%, for sure, for sure. Because our body's screaming at us and we're just not listening and it's like I'm gonna do other things to make you listen. I'm gonna make you irritable and Inlash out and do all of these different things. 100% yeah, till you listen and then then it's happy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I listened, and.
Speaker 1:I gave it food. Yes, you nourished it. So do you ever find yourself Going back to the old mindset? You know, maybe in moments where you're stressed out or feeling overwhelmed, or you know, in certain situations, like going to a gathering or Thanksgiving or Christmas, where there is an abundance of food, do you ever find yourself kind of Leaning back into? Maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should just have like a light breakfast, or maybe I should just skip lunch and I'll just eat, you know, dinner later.
Speaker 2:No, no, not me more at all. I mean I did at the very beginning because it's breaking habits that have been there for so long, but not now. Now I have other issues, now that I have autoimmune stuff happening because of the breast implants.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:I go places and I'm like, is there anything I could eat? I can't have gluten, I can't have dairy, I can't. You know. I'm like I can't have all now. I can't have foods because they actually make me feel sick and they exacerbate symptoms. So it's a different, it's a different beast now. But I do eat. I make sure I eat breakfast, I eat lunch, I eat dinner. You know I eat snacks. I'm not restricting food.
Speaker 1:So that's good. That's really good to hear. That leads me to my next question. And you brought up your breast implants and I know that when we had our conversation in the DMs, I know this was like a key component that you wanted to share, and so tell us a little bit about how your breast implants have been since getting them when you were in your 20s.
Speaker 2:So when I first got, when I got the first set of implants and they were saline, but it doesn't matter, because the shell that contains the saline is silicone but I felt I mean, aside from not liking the results, I felt physically fine, it was a. When I got my reconstructive surgery done, they were silicone and my dad said it he's like, don't do it, they're gonna make you sick and and he didn't know anything back then. But my dad's also a little intuitive, you know. Despite the other issues, he is a little intuitive as well. And so Within the first, I would say, year and a half of getting them, I and I was a high school teacher at the time.
Speaker 2:So everybody was like, oh, you're always sick, oh, you are for kids, and I thought so too. I'm like, yeah, you know I am, I always have like Sinus infections, throat infections, of course, all lymphatic, and that's what implants really. They do affect the you know, lymphatic system. So I'm like, oh, yeah, it's just, it's the kids, me, and while they're high school, you know they're much cleaner than little ones, you know. So, like I know it's just that's gotta be the reason.
Speaker 2:Always sick, and I could never keep weight off. I Was always swollen, yeah so, but I still didn't think it was the implants. You know, I didn't want to think about my breasts anymore. I was so detached from them. I'm like these things are gonna stay in until I'm a corpse. You know, I know, you know, that's how I felt about it. And Then it wasn't until the pandemic, when I thought I had COVID, oh, oh, and I couldn't breathe. I just so. I kept going to the ER and finally the ER doctor got so annoyed with me. He said do you want it? You want a CAT scan? It's like a hundred x-rays in one. Do you want that? And I said yes, because I think I have a blood clot in my lung. I can't breathe.
Speaker 2:Yeah and it was. It was a ruptured implant, wow.
Speaker 1:Do you know how long it was ruptured for?
Speaker 2:So right before this. So the pandemic was what? The end of March, yeah that 2020.
Speaker 2:Right end of March, the beginning of March, I had pulled my back out and I went to a chiropractor who put me on this bizarre table it was so narrow and he put me on it to adjust my back and and I was on my chest and as soon as he pushed down I felt a burning sensation on my left side. So I do believe that. And listen, they were old, you know. They were you supposed to have them removed every like 10 years, yes, and I'm just like no.
Speaker 1:One and done. Well, I guess it's two and done. Yeah, yeah, police tape.
Speaker 2:No, no, so, um, so that's. And I, just right after that, like about two weeks after that, I started getting fevers. I Wasn't able to breathe, I couldn't take a deep breath, everything was inflamed. I was gaining weight very quickly because my body was literally it was inflammation.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I had no idea until I went to the ER for the third time. Wow, they were like this crazy lady, let's just give her the cat scan.
Speaker 1:And were they surprised?
Speaker 2:They actually didn't tell me, they let me go home without telling me. And when something told me to read the report, I Read my own report and it said ruptured left breast prosthesis, which then sent me down the rabbit hole of breast implant illness. Because now I started like scouring the web. You know I'm like what ruptured breast implant, that I stumbled on breast implant illness and then I stumbled on Instagram pages of people to follow yes, and all this information came like being thrown at me and you know, then, of course, I was even more anxious and, you know, going out of my mind. So I'm like I have to find a surgeon, I need these out and I want them out. I'm like I don't care about my Diformity anymore, I just want to be healthy. Mm-hmm, wow, did you?
Speaker 1:feel, seen, like once you kind of Read your report and then you started to Google everything and being like, okay, I have all of these symptoms. This is exactly what I'm feeling like Everything that you know, they've been telling me I have, you know I don't have, I actually have this. Like did it finally feel like, oh my gosh, like I actually know what's happening now? Well, it's it, because right after Like at like.
Speaker 2:Even after this time Well, no, before this time I kept going to the doctor. I'm like I think I have a thyroid problem, I think my thyroid's low. I have no eyebrows, I'm always cold, I can't lose weight, all this stuff. And she's always like you're fine. You're fine. So I'm like, okay, why am?
Speaker 1:I always getting sick.
Speaker 2:Why did I get monom twice? I'm like, why do I always have strep throat? Oh, you know what? Just don't take care of yourself. You need to eat healthy. I'm like okay, so I. Just why am I getting rash? Is I would get random rashes in the sun, which now I know was lupus, Wow. But for years they were like you're fine, you're fine and I'm like I. And then when I read the list of breast and plant illness symptoms, there's like 40 something symptoms. I had like 38 of them.
Speaker 1:Wow, validation at its core, like this is validation and anger.
Speaker 1:Yes, it would be. Yeah, yeah, you know what. Good for you for being such a great advocate for yourself and really listening to yourself, because I have been there not for the same incidences, but for really having to push and being like no, this is not just I need to go to sleep. Like this is not, I'm just tired or I'm just stressed out. This is more than that. Like my body is screaming at me to do something and I'm looking at you for help and you're just kind of gaslighting me and thinking that it's something completely different when it's I know deep down, it's not, and so you know. Good on you for going to the emergency room three times and saying no, like no, there is something wrong with me. Stop brushing me off as if I'm just somebody else with a cold. Like there is more that is happening here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I did keep hearing that same voice that I talked about before telling me go to the ER. Go to the ER, get a CAT scan. I kept hearing it, you know, and I'm like I'm listening to the voice, I'm listening. You know, I drove myself, you know my husband's like here we go, I have to go, I have to go, you know so.
Speaker 1:But, like you know, outsiders looking in think it's crazy and absurd. But imagine living with all of those, those symptoms, every single day.
Speaker 2:Like that's torture. Yes, and not knowing and not telling you you're fine, your labs are fine, your labs are fine. I'm like okay, I have high cholesterol and triglycerides and I barely eat. Hello, there's something not right here. Yes, exactly. And I'm like it's my thyroid, it's inflammation, something is happening. And they're like no, you're fine, you're fine. So, it was, it was very, just, very validating.
Speaker 1:Wow. So now they're out and you're better.
Speaker 2:No, so they are. So when you get your implants removed. So when you, when you have implants or any implanted device, whatever it may be, mesh a placemaker, whatever your body develops tissue that grows around that implanted device. It's called a capsule. So when you have your implants removed, the capsule should come out because the capsule sucks up all the toxins and especially if you've had a rupture, like I did with silicone, the silicone will get stuck in your like in the capsule and then on your rib cage if they're under the muscle. So the surgeon I went to told me and I didn't know better because I didn't go that deep down the rabbit hole, I just knew I had breast implant.
Speaker 2:Illness followed some accounts. I didn't know that I had to have an end block capsule activate. That's the proper term for fully removing the entire tissue around. They take the whole implant out as a whole with the tissue around it to protect the body. So my surgeon did not do that. He just one hour surgery. It should have been like a four hour surgery. It was one hour. He just cut me open, pulled the implants out, done and I did feel good for about a year. I did. I felt better. A lot of inflammation went down, whatever, but there's still silicone in my body and now I don't know. I'm not gone wood. It didn't migrate to other areas that does happen. So now I'm going to have a fourth surgery to have that done properly.
Speaker 1:So you have not had that surgery as of yet.
Speaker 2:No, not yet. I have to this one. So my ex-plant was covered by my insurance because I have Poland syndrome and also because it was a ruptured silicone implant. By law they have to cover that. But now this one will not be covered by surgery because the implants are out Right. So I'm in the process of saving up some funds to have the surgery, but I'm hoping to have it by like the end of the summer. Just, I want to feel better. I felt really good, but my hair still falling out. Now I have. Now I got a positive lupus diagnosis. I do manage my symptoms very well. I did see a functional doctor and she did tell me, by the looks of your blood work, you should be bedridden. Wow, and you're not. And she said it's because of all the things you do the eating right, the no process foods and using red light therapy, like all the things that I can get my hands on.
Speaker 1:I do so you're not the first person to say that. I interviewed somebody who has Parkinson's disease and she works in the fitness realm. She's a personal trainer and just group fitness and when she got her diagnosis, and when she finally got her diagnosis, and I think it was like a year or two after that, her doctors were looking at her labs and saying you know that your Parkinson's is not as advanced as somebody else your age when they would have found the diagnosis at the same time, because of all of the things that you are doing, because it makes a difference it makes a difference?
Speaker 2:Yes, it does, and this is so this whole thing caused. So I do counseling and holistic healing and but it made me pushed. I'm like I want to go back to school for integrative health because I feel that I can. You know, when I get people on my table and I'm doing energy work, I'm like, oh, their liver is struggling, but how do I tell them to fix that? Or how do I, how do I guide them Right? So I'm like I need to go back to school for this. So I also have some kind of credential. You know, not just like, oh, take some milk, milk, milk, I can't even speak milk, this whole, you know. Yeah, so I went back to school and I kind of now incorporate the whole thing. You know, because you have to heal all three levels of the body, yeah, spiritual, physical, you know, emotional it all has to kind of work together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's that's what I do now, but Because of my education, that's, I think, really what helped me so much, because now I you know, I know what foods say away from and you know I've done the parasite cleanse, I've done, I've done all those Things to help and they do, they work, they help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they really do, and I'm so glad that you said that it's important, that or that's needed, that you need to heal all areas, not just the physical body, just not the, your emotional being like, in your mental like. It has to be all all done, because when I first went to a therapist no, it wasn't a therapist, it was a natural path I was going for one thing and I had to kind of give a lot of you know, stressors and different things that were happening in my life. And she looked at me and she said, portia, I could do give you all the supplements in the world, I could guide you and you could have the cleanest, the cleanest gut and the cleanest body. But if you don't fix your grief and go see a therapist, it will not work the way that you want it 100% and I was like I know, I'm like I know and I'm like that was the hardest step, like I'm like, oh, I could do the natural path.
Speaker 1:I could, I could do the like I've done all of that before, I've done that. But like going and and talking and doing all of those things, I was like that's hard, that's intimidating, that's not, that's not the easy, like that's the hardest feat that I have to face in all of this. And and it was really that that kick in the butt that I needed to be like, okay, I need to go do this, because I'm gonna flush all of this money down the drain if I only pick one thing to heal. I need to heal all of it together and it took time and it's it's. Obviously, you would know this is an ongoing process. It's not something that you do once and it's and it's.
Speaker 1:No, I wish it was, but it's not, it's not, it's a lifestyle, if anything. It's not a band-aid, it's not a solution. It is really. It's really changing your life and your lifestyle and everything that you do your mental, your, your emotional well-being and your physical well-being, and so it really it really is.
Speaker 1:It really is, and so I kind of I want to, I want to shine some light a little bit on that roller coaster Of all the different emotions that we tend to feel, especially going through something, both physical and Mental, and emotional. What would you say to women who are listening right now, that are struggling to love their bodies or are Standing in the mirror, going I wish I looked like my 18 year old self or, you know, my 35 year old self, or pre-babies or pre whatever you know? What would you say to them?
Speaker 2:I like to Offer this, this advice, because this, this did help me and it was hard. After I got my implants out, I Sat on the edge of my bed. It's gonna make me emotional every time I say this. It makes me emotional Because that's how powerful it was. I Was so sad, right, because I'm like I had implants. I felt more of a woman, let's say.
Speaker 2:And Now they're gone, but then I'm like but my body has been there for me, like Through everything when people haven't, but my body has. And I just started to hug my body. I hugged you know I'm like tight, you know hugging my arms. I hugged my thighs. I just I started hugging every part of my body and thanking it For the miracles it did do for me when I was, you know, when I emotionally was defeated, it still held me up and I think that we have to give ourselves grace. You know we're not gonna look like we're 21 again. Yeah, I mean you could with a lot of money and surgery and, you know, farming your body, but we have to lean in a little bit and give ourselves that grace.
Speaker 2:You know we're more than a body. It really, at the end of the day, it's a flesh suit. Yeah, you know, I don't know if that really will help. And it's me. You said, that done, you know. But I really have to stand it or stand in front of a mirror, even naked, and Just tell your body you love it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're so disconnected you know I Love the piece that you said lean in, because to me that's where I like, that's where it hit me, where I think I know as I get older I'm trying to resist less about getting older you know resist.
Speaker 1:Gray hair, about the wrinkles, about everything because I'm such a natural person, like, of course they could go and get Botox and make myself a look a little bit younger, you know, get all these different things done, but I'm such an eye, I just I'm such a natural, you know, you know, granola person that's what people would say, like a granola girl, like that's who I am and I'm like I can, and it's that. It's that key idea of leaning into it. Why am I consistently resisting something that I really have no control over? I can do different things for my skin and my hair to make it look luscious and glowing and all of the things, but I can't stop time at the end of the day.
Speaker 2:So and there is beauty like and there is beauty in leaching, there is wisdom in aging, there is healing in aging. There's so many Really beautiful moments in us growing older, but it's our society, I feel that, you know, makes us second guess that and become disconnected from ourselves, you know, from our higher self. You know, because we're looking at, we're looking at all these. You know, all over the place it's Botox is everywhere you know, I'm like it's a neurotoxin.
Speaker 1:I know, but you know, I was having this conversation with my girlfriend. She went and got her hair. She has when her hair grows in. She dies her hair regularly. She has white roots like she's 37. She's like this can't be me and she's she's had this forever, like this wasn't just happened when she's 37, she's had it for years. And she finally said I'm growing my hair out and I'm getting corrective hair, where they just put it all gray and they match it.
Speaker 1:And they blend it all in. And she resisted it for quite a long time and I'm here, like, just do it, like, embrace it, like I'm like I've seen my mom do it. So to me and I know a lot of women that have beautifully white hair so to me I just think it's just gorgeous, like I love it, but it's not happening to me. So it's easier for me to say that it's beautiful when it's not happening to me.
Speaker 1:But she's there and and she finally did it and I and I look at her and I and I was just like this is what you were supposed to look like. Like I'm like this whole time you feared that you were gonna look older and you look so much younger, like just your you've ever laid it like you ever laid you your appearance, just like you're radiating, because you know that like you're finally there, you're not resisting what it should look like, and I saw her the other day and it was just, it was beautiful. I'm like I don't think you look old at all, like I think you look great, I love it like, and I was so happy that she did it and stopped. Stop resisting it, yeah it depends too.
Speaker 2:If you can't, if you come from like my, family is very vain.
Speaker 2:Mmm you know, my mom is almost 80 and she still dies her hair, yeah, like clockwork every every month, you know. So it's hard because I remember my sister has a. My sister has a friend, a family friend, and she went gray years ago and my family was like why did she do that? She looks terrible, but she doesn't. She doesn't look terrible, she looks great and it fits her Like, it suits her personality, you know. So it's hard too, like when you come from a family where what you look like means so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so true. And so two more questions for you. How has your journey, I don't wanna say affected your daughter, cause I don't think it did affect your daughter, but how has it allowed you to show up differently than your parents, for your daughter and for your son?
Speaker 2:I always. Well, we communicate. That's a major difference. I'm always trying to check in with them. You know how do you feel about this? Or with my son, I'm always like, what do you think of this? Because sometimes men are thinkers, not always feelers. So I'm always trying to just check in with them and I just always compliment them. I'm always letting them know I'm proud of them. I'm always telling my daughter she's beautiful, no matter what, and she's confident. She got her haircut the other day. She's like I am gorgeous. You know, it just makes me, you know, it makes me feel good to know that she could say those words when I would never have ever felt that at her age or older, you know. So I just let them, I honestly do, I just I really do that the lean in piece for me is so important because that's I want them to lean in, lean into life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the haircut and all.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, she's very sassy. I love that.
Speaker 1:And my last question for you today is is there one piece of advice that you would like to leave here with everybody, and it could be about the topic that we you know about your journey and your you know self-love journey, or it could be just in general?
Speaker 2:You know, for women listening, don't wait to love yourself. Start today. You know If it looks like even in this moment. Look in the mirror. If they're driving, look in your rear view mirror. You know and just say I love you or thank yourself, or anything that brings you closer to you. You know deep down and just don't keep waiting.
Speaker 1:I love that. Oh, that's like hitting me, like I'm gonna get off this now and go look in the mirror and tell myself I love me. It really is. It really it works. It's so important. It's so important. And I think it's important on days when you're kind of feeling uneasy, like I know for myself the last few days. I'm feeling uneasy not necessarily about my body or anything like that, but more in my mind and kind of talking myself down in my goals and my aspirations and things like that. So I love this advice. I think it's simple and it's effective and you can do it every day and it costs you nothing and it really takes up no time, like you literally could do it right now and you can feel the benefits of it, and I think that's what I love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it definitely it works. The other day too, I was in the mirror because I've been having some health flare up stuff. So I just looked in the mirror and I'm like you got this. I'm pointing at myself like you've been down the road, you've been in dark places and you got out. You got this. You're strong. I had to give myself a pep talk in the mirror and it made my day so much better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so true. And if we don't do it for ourselves, who's gonna do it for us?
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, although my daughter is my cheerleader also.
Speaker 1:I think the best.
Speaker 2:It's amazing to have such a beautiful relationship with like our daughters that I did not have that with my mother, yeah, you know. So to have that with my daughter and knowing that she likes herself and she stands up for herself, I'm like girl, I am proud of you.
Speaker 1:I love that. I really do. It is special. And when they're your cheerleader, too, I really enjoy that because I'll come downstairs and she'll be like mom, your outfit says casual but chic or whatever. I'm like, thank you, that's what I was going for, but I was just like I love that. I'm just like, oh, it just gave me an extra hop in my staff and it was just so simple, and I'm like, okay, like I really like this, I love that. Yeah, yeah. Well, stacey, thank you so much for sharing your story and being vulnerable with us and kind of giving us a little bit of a sneak behind the door of your life.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun actually being here, my pleasure, that's the goal, yeah. A little teary. A little teary, but fun as well. Yes that's okay.
