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Navigating Energy and Emotions in Parenting with Sarah Lambert
What if the secret to harmonious parenting lies in your energy and emotions? Join me, your host Portia Chambers, and my remarkable guest, Sarah Lambert, as we unravel this fascinating mystery. As mothers, Sarah and I share our own experiences, shedding light on how our energy significantly impacts our children, influencing their sleep patterns, their emotional well-being, and the overall family dynamics. We explore the power of emotional intelligence and the importance of self-work in making parenting less daunting.
We also journey into the complex world of conscious parenting and relationship dynamics. Sarah, a successful entrepreneur and mother of two, offers her unique insights on how we communicate with our partners and children during challenging times, highlighting the effectiveness of modeling behavior and involving children in discussions. We delve into the power of co-regulation, emphasizing the importance of focusing on who you are being rather than what you are doing to bring about positive changes in relationships and overall well-being.
And then, there's that intriguing concept of high vibration. We guide you through the spectrum of emotions, discussing how we can raise our vibration by allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and gradually moving from lower emotions like shame to higher ones such as love and joy. We also offer a simple yet effective tool involving deep breaths and focusing on where the emotion is felt in the body. So, buckle up and dive into this enlightening conversation that will empower you to navigate your personal and parenting journey with renewed energy and confidence.
You can find Sarah on Instagram @thesarahlambert
Do you have a story to share? Interested in being a guest? Fill out our inquiry form and we will be in touch!
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Join me, portia Chambers, as I sit down with women just like you, sharing moments in their lives that shape them into who they are today Stories of motherhood, betrayal, transformation, love and loss, vulnerable conversations, deep connection and collective healing. Welcome to the this Is we podcast. I am so excited to have our next guest here with us. Sarah Lambert scaled her business from a 30k side hassle to a 400k coaching business in just four years, while having and raising two babies. She's helped heart-centered entrepreneurs share their work with the world by creating scalable businesses and becoming the best versions of themselves. Welcome, sarah.
Speaker 2:Thank you, so happy to be here oh.
Speaker 1:I'm excited to chat, so we're going to be talking a little bit about being a mom and how your energy affects your children, and I know that you're probably going to have quite a few stories along the way, so let's get started. I would love for you to open up about a time where it became very apparent that your energy was reflecting on your children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, I love this question and I have multiple examples that really jump out to me. But I would say the first time that I really, and so evidently, was able to see how my energy affected my kids was after I had my daughter. So she and my son are two years apart and I wasn't sleeping very well and I was pumping. So what we started doing around when my daughter was three, four, five months old was I was just not sleeping all night because I was anticipating her waking up and then she'd be waking up all the time. So what my husband was doing was saying OK, go sleep in the guest room, put your earplugs in and I'll come get you if I need you, but just go sleep. You need to sleep, because I would just be on edge. And so I would do that, and the nights that I would do that, the kids would sleep 10 times better.
Speaker 2:And I would always question. I would say, well, you know, maybe you're not hearing her cry, and I would have this anxiety and I would wake up thinking, oh my God, you know I can, I'm hearing them cry, but they're not crying and just allowing myself to shut off and actually sleep and rest and the rest of my household sleeping those nights and we would do this every other night and it was like clockwork. She would literally sleep through the night every other night because when I was on duty and my energy and I was on edge, she literally could feel that and was not sleeping. That's so crazy, yeah. And so it's like, oh, I'm the problem. That Taylor Swift song like it's so relevant to this situation. It's like I'm the problem here.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's crazy and it's. It's nice that you learn very early on, because I think for myself, I, my daughter, is 16 now. So those early years are when she was a baby, like that. She, my daughter, cried all night, I swear to, like she was like one and it was probably because of me. I felt like you're talking, I was like that was me, like I breastfed, and I would sit there a week being like she's going to wake up any time. Now I'm just going to just wait for this to happen so then I can get on with it type of thing and then hopefully fall back asleep. And it was the same, it was the same thing. So, no, I wish.
Speaker 2:I had Exactly, I know, and it was just, it was just this crazy eye opening moment and I had really, just around that time, also started really diving into my own personal development journey. So that's why I was able to have the awareness, because probably years before I would have just I wouldn't have tied the two together but because I was very much uncovering this about the energetic world and the impact it has around us and on my own energy and my own nervous system, I was like, wow, I can see what's happening here.
Speaker 1:So how old are your son and daughter now?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Penelope turned three a month or a couple months ago, and so it's been about two and a half three years since I really started paying attention to this. And my son is five. Oh, they're so small and cute, yeah yeah. So I keep saying like we're out of the. I feel like we're out of the trenches of parenthood in a way, but we're still. We're still a little bit in it, like we're on the tail end.
Speaker 2:Penelope's just, you know, is potty trained now and Jude's in school and so really, definitely for a few years there, anyone who has kids who are at one point they're both in diapers and is really feeling in the trenches and and there were so many times when I was able to really see how I could work on myself and how it made parenting a lot easier, and it's honestly still really it's just as relevant now. It doesn't change when they get older. This is not just with kids, it's with everyone, and you can even think about your daughter, right, you might start to pay attention to it a little bit more now, but even their, how their energy affects us. Oh yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:I feel like it grows as they get older because they start to kind of pick up on things, like my daughter's 16. So she can very much pick up on other people's energy and how the vibe is and then like kind of bring it home. And I'm such a sensitive person, I'm an empath, I'm fairly intuitive, and my daughter's kind of the same, and so it's so funny because I always think like we're just two peas in a pod. But I had a similar situation happen with, like our energies, I want to say, last year, where I was feeling not down in the dumps, but I was going through my burnout, having a really hard time. I was really angry at myself and being a person that could pretty much do anything whatever, and then having to slow down immediately was really really hard and I never really noticed how it was affecting my family until I started coming out of it.
Speaker 1:And then my daughter actually I don't know if it was my birthday or if it was Mother's Day and she wrote a card for me and inside of that card made it very apparent that my energy was reflecting on her and that I was not that I was pulling her down, but the vibration in the house was so different, so if she was having a hard time at school, it was affecting her way more, just because our energy just wasn't like, our house vibe wasn't as light and fluffy as it usually is, and it really like that was like that shocking moment where I was like, oh my gosh, like she was struggling and I didn't even know she was struggling because I was struggling.
Speaker 1:And now I make it very apparent to be like not hyper vigilant and like watching everything, but very aware of how the energy is in the house and try to kind of almost like nip it in the back if I can. Like obviously I'm not telling my daughter don't feel things, but you know how can I support you or is there something that I can help with or whatever. And even for myself, like when, even when I start to feel myself kind of be like slipping and getting tired, I'm like, okay, I don't want to. I don't want to, you know, reign on anybody else's parade in a way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh my gosh, it's so amazing that you have that awareness, because it's true, I mean, most kids are very intuitive and they can pick up on these things. And I always say that we, as the moms, as the women in our household, we are the leading energy of our household. It's just, it's just a fact. And this is even if you're single or you're in a relationship.
Speaker 2:One piece of a device that I was given I don't, I heard this before, I even had kids. It was like the way that you greet your partner is going to lay the foundation for the how the rest of the night goes. And so I was very intentional, even before we had kids, of greeting my husband, even if I was in a bad mood, just being able to like give him a hug and greet him nicely and kindly, because it can be so easy, especially after you have kids, to be like hi, can you do that. And then it's just, the energy is not set. But when you can set that energy, set the tone for the household, for the, for the day, for the evening, then everyone else follows your lead.
Speaker 2:And it does take being intentional and it's not as easy as we would like it to be, or as it might sound, it can actually be very hard, especially when we are don't have the capacity for it. But even now I make a point of, and my kids love and wait for this. The second they walk in the door I go running and screaming like if it's Penelope, I'm like and I run and I pick her up and I give her all these kisses and it just is that immediate connection for her nervous system to be like oh, I'm home, mommy's here, mommy's happy, and a same thing with my son just always greeting. Setting the tone has been a really great way to even just those little moments can really shift things.
Speaker 1:So you brought up being the lead energy in the house and so I'm curious, I have a question for you. I'm a little bit curious Do you ever find it to be a burden and I'm going to kind of explain that a little bit, because it can be a lot to hold space for other people, your husband, your children, anybody else? It's it's a lot, especially when you are feeling maybe tired or just not yourself or just not a great day in general. It's not sunny outside, it's cloudy. I know that affects my mood and sometimes it's hard to kind of put on a smile all the time. But I'm curious for yourself like, do you ever just kind of one day being like look at your husband and be like, can you hold the space for everybody today?
Speaker 1:Because it's a bit of a responsibility for me right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, 100%. And it's interesting because I wouldn't say I've ever looked at it as a burden. I actually look at it as the most empowering thing in my life and my number one job in my life when it comes to parenting. Other than keeping them safe, it is my job to ensure that they are processing their emotions, gaining emotional intelligence, and like about, I don't care about their marks, I don't care about if they're good at sports, I want them to be regulated, I want them to be able to express themselves, and that's kind of what I see as my number one role, and so I don't look at that way. I look at it as something really empowering and this, this beautiful responsibility that I have the opportunity to have. But to that point, 100%. There are days where I I don't have the capacity, and you need a lot of energy and capacity. You, if you're burnt out, you can't hold space for someone else, and so this is why it's like that saying you know you have to fill your cup first before you can fill others, or whatever the saying is. And there I've had conversations with my husband about this and we're very open, we can communicate with each other and we can also read each other very well that there was a time when he, when I would go down, when I would be down, he would come down to and this is actually a sign of of there's there's a word for it is a type of attachment where oh, it's an attachment style, yes, it's an attachment style where I know your parents, you go, I forget, anxious, I don't know. I think it is anxious attachment, anxious attachment. And so I was noticing him coming whenever I would start losing my patients, he would lose his patients more. And so I had to have a conversation with him. Just be like Listen, when I'm going down, I need you to go high, like that's when I need you more than ever to be like I can hold the vibe. Here, I can take over, because if we both go down the kids, it we've lost. We've lost Because the kids are 100 times worse if we're both both losing our patient. And doesn't mean it doesn't happen sometimes.
Speaker 2:But for me, when I can see that he's losing his patients, I tap in and I say I got this. Go like go take some space, go take some space. I got this, and not in a judgey way, in a I know that you need a minute. I can, I have the capacity. I have the capacity to step in and I can be that person and the same thing. He can do that for me, and more so because I'm a little bit more involved in this work and this is more my obsession. It's more me saying I need you to, I need you to take over, I need you to take over. He is getting better and better at being able to notice that, but sometimes it's just I'll go upstairs and he can. He knows, okay, she's taking a moment.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, there is a responsibility, absolutely, but I see it as just so empowering. How powerful we are. Is is really cool, and even communicating with my kids I they know that I'm not perfect and that I can't always do it, and I communicate that with them being a perfect parent and having a high vibe all the time isn't a realistic expectation to even set for our kids, and so it's really about showing them that when you are losing your patients, when you don't have the capacity, when you are overwhelmed or feeling those feelings, this these are the things that we can do, and they learn by examples and they will say to me I have a story where I was rushing to get Penalty to daycare and Jude to school on time and driving back to the house so that we could walk to school. And I'm rushing, rushing, rushing and he can feel my energy. And he doesn't even know what he was like for at the time.
Speaker 2:He didn't know how to read time or anything. And he just said Mummy, take a deep breath, we're not late. And I just smiled and I said you're right, buddy, mummy needs to take a deep breath Because he, you know, that's how he knows. Okay, we need to take a deep breath and I've modeled that for him and so he can now actually reflect that back to me, which is so beautiful. But it's really they. They learn by seeing us do it, not by us telling them. And so those are the opportunities for me to say Mummy's feeling really dysregulated. Right now I'm going to go take a break upstairs. Mummy's feeling really dysregulated, I need to eat something, you know. And then you learn oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Oh, I applaud you. I'm going to take a moment and just applaud you right now because that's amazing. These are things that I wish that I knew, I think growing up or raising my daughter and I think subconsciously, I think I knew a lot of it at the same time. But just the awareness, and especially the awareness in your relationship with your husband and then the awareness that your children have with you and then vice versa, is so amazing. It's inspiring because I think for the longest time, especially with children, I don't think we ever saw them that way. We just see them as these little beings. And for a long time, children were seen, not heard, and now they're actually a part of the conversation. They're a part of the discussion, rather than having the discussion separate and then saying we're doing this, they're pointing the finger, or you're wrong, you're right or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1:It's amazing to watch families like yours kind of flourish in these types of situations where it could very easily go the complete opposite direction and it could be chaos all the time and it's just like when is it ever a break? Why is this so hard all the time? And motherhood is hard regardless. I have one child and I say that my one child gives me the experience as if I had multiple. Whatever you can think could have went wrong, it went wrong with my child, like every single thing, like so many different things, and I always, every time I'm in those moments, I'm like this is just a lesson. I only have one child because she was here to provide me a lot of different lessons and I have to kind of navigate that. But it's incredible what you are doing with your family right now.
Speaker 2:Wow, thank you so much for that. And yeah, it's so interesting that you say she was brought to give me these lessons, because it's so true, these little souls they chose us for a reason were connected in so many ways. And I truly think the same thing, because my son is very, very sensitive and the second I even raise my voice, like he's incredibly intuitive, and even if my tone isn't, oh sweetie, like da, da, da, if I'm like, yeah, that's fine, he'll say, mommy, why are you talking like that? And he can sense, like the change in tone will get it. He's like, ok, why are you talking like that?
Speaker 2:And I'll never forget one time Penalope was a newborn and Jude was in the living room watching TV and he couldn't even see me. But I came down the stairs and walked into the kitchen and I was crying and he sits up. He's two years old. He sits up, he turns around, he says mommy, what's wrong? And I was mind blown, like he didn't even see me. He felt my energy walk into the room and he could sense that.
Speaker 2:And so it's crazy how intuitive children are and so, and how much our energy really does affect them, and so he is so sensitive, so I've had to learn more calm, productive ways of helping him and dealing with not dealing with, but of supporting him, because he does not respond to firm punishments. It doesn't mean that a conscious parenting or gentle parenting. I like to call it conscious parenting because it really is that awareness and understanding what you're doing, because I feel like there's a slippery slope when it comes to gentle parenting. I really agree with gentle parenting, but what I don't agree with is permissive parenting where the kids are free for all they can do whatever they want, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you're gentle, parenting actually requires a lot of boundaries, but they're loving boundaries and that's the difference. But I feel like people don't quite understand sometimes. And then we have these kids who are ruling the roost and it's not working out for anyone.
Speaker 1:Oddly enough, we've been seeing more and more of that. I'm on TikTok heavily and I watch a lot of parenting things, even though my child is 19 or 16. But I still feel like it still works, like it's still relatable, even though we're not talking about small things like sharing with friends and it could still be sharing with friends, to be honest, like sometimes the share is bigger, right, or whatever it may be. So I love watching it A little bit more complicated.
Speaker 1:A little bit more complicated. Yeah, there's more details or different things involved with it and I love watching them. But I have seen that kind of that slippery slope between the gentle parenting. But I love how you brought up the conscious parenting, because I feel like that is more probably where I align, Like I'm not a yeller or a pointer. My parents were never like that so I feel like that's just who I am. But my husband was brought up very differently. He's nine years older than me so it's very like he brought up in a very traditional home and different things like that. So it was interesting our parenting stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's really hard. It is hard because we are going based off what we know and we're just trying to do a little bit better than our parents. But there's this huge awareness happening and people are waking up to the fact that look at all the anxiety that adults and teenagers are having these days. It's literally an epidemic and I believe there's a multitude of reasons, but from this perspective, it really is. We aren't equipping our children with the tools to be able to regulate their emotions and so of course, there's all this anxiety built up and it's also these things get passed on and they can feel it too. So if the parents are super anxious and then the kids feel that and they're at school and they're dealing with these hard things, they don't know how to deal with it, they come home and they're in this very anxious environment at home, whether they realize it or not. Of course they have anxiety and instead of teaching them how to deal with the anxiety, we're medicating them. But that's probably a whole other person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a topic for another day, yeah, but I wanted to talk a little bit more about raising your vibration and the energy in the household, because I think anybody that might be listening, being like you, know what I really want to move in this direction. Or I have noticed that my energy is affecting my kids, or vice versa, like my kids get angry, I get angry, or my husband gets angry and I get angry, or partner whoever. So I would love to know what you did, or if you have any suggestions on how to raise your energy on a vibrational level, not just energy-wise.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is such a great question and conversation because I feel like there's some toxic positivity around raising your vibration because people think, oh, just be positive, just smile, be high vibe, and that's not how it works. If you are feeling grief or shame or fear and you are putting on a smile, it might make other people around you feel more comfortable, but that's not being high vibration. What being high vibration is actually being able to move from those lower emotions, because everything is energy and emotions have energy. And if you think about these lower, you know, shame is one of the lowest vibrations and it's very clunky. It's a very clunky vibration, so it's a very heavy, whereas joy, love, enlightenment are light, and you can literally feel what I mean when I say that. Right, that shame of just like ooh density, because it truly, if you look at it on you can't see me if you're listening to this, but if you think of these huge waves like this is what shame energy is, whereas love is this light ripple.
Speaker 2:And so it's very, you know, very light. And so to raise our vibration, it really just is feeling our feelings instead of avoiding our feelings. So instead of saying, oh, I feel shame, let me just avoid feeling that and pretend I'm happy because that's still there, that's still an undercurrent. You might be able to bypass it for a little bit, but it's always going to be there. When those people who really you can feel their high vibration, they're the ones who are willing to feel the shame, the guilt, the fear, the sadness, the grief. And so the easiest, the most effective way to raise your vibration is to feel the low vibration emotions.
Speaker 2:And we all have so much of this stored inside of us because we were not taught how to feel our feelings. So I still it's one of my biggest pet peeves when my kids are crying and someone says stop crying, stop crying. And they just try to stifle it. You know forcing them to suppress their feelings when I say it's okay to cry, it's okay to cry, let's get it out. Let's get it out because the sooner it comes out, the sooner they can genuinely go to a higher emotion, which is the vibration. And it takes 90 seconds to feel an emotion. So I have seen it.
Speaker 2:My daughter is this. I wish I could have a video of this, because she will literally be crying about something and I'll say, yeah, get you know, get your angriest out, get your, let's get your sadness out. Yeah, good job, you're getting your sadness. So. And then she'll literally start laughing and and she'll say, I know, like shocked, she's shocked herself. But it's because if we get out of our mind, our mind is creating a lot of the pain that we're feeling. So it's about getting out of our mind where it okay, all this anxiety, thinking ahead and thinking of regret and shame and guilt and all of that. If we get out of our head and we allow ourselves to just be in our body and feel it, then our mind doesn't have this power over us and we can actually get through it and then it doesn't feel as as big. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to play a little bit of the devil's advocate here. So as a person as I raise my hand, as a person that feels all their feels and it took me a not a long time to get here because I think I was very good at it and then stopped and then had to get good at it again and better at it I feel like what you're saying is very easy and tangible and I was like I can do that. That's simple to me.
Speaker 1:But, there I believe there's probably quite a few people listening to being like feeling my feels, my emotions is scary, like the first thing when you brought up.
Speaker 1:Like feeling your emotions, and especially those low vibrational emotions, brought me back to when I was a kid, and if I was embarrassed and being embarrassed to me was the worst feeling in the world, you didn't even want to feel it for a second because it led to shame, it led to so, led to anger, led to so many things. And so when I'm, when you're talking, I was like, oh, I know that feeling of like embarrassment and no one really wants to go there Now I'm always just like I'm embarrassed. I can just admit it. I'm embarrassed. Yeah, all I can do. You caught me like good on you, I'm embarrassed, I messed up. But for those that are listening and just like you know what it's really hard to feel my feels right now I'm, you know, in whatever place, what is a tangible tool that they could do right now, or, you know, after listening, that can really help them kind of start the moment, getting into that space of having a higher vibration?
Speaker 2:That's a great question, and so the easiest, most effective thing you can do is taking deep breaths. People are not breathing, no. So hand over heart and in tune with your body and take a deep breath. You don't have to necessarily pinpoint what you're feeling, but if you sit and you take five, three to five deep breaths, you will feel better. And then, layering onto that, if you can take a deep, if you can think about okay, where is that feeling inside of me? You know, oh, I have some anxiety in my stomach. Just feel into it, breathe into it. You don't even have to say I'm going to really try and feel that.
Speaker 2:It's not about being like I'm going to try and get really sad so I can feel the sadness and release it. Because, honestly, that's what talk therapy is all about. It's like, let's just like, and that doesn't always work because it's it's happening in our mind, where the stored emotions and the energy is in our body, and so even just saying, oh, I feel really embarrassed, I feel really sad, and you don't have to understand it and you don't have to try and fix it, but you just breathe into it, just that alone. And there's a spectrum of emotions, and shame is the lowest, and enlightenment and love and joy are the at the top, and there's all of these emotions in between. And so what I say to my clients is that you don't have to go from shame to love in 90 seconds, but maybe you just go from shame to guilt, from guilt to sadness, from sadness to neutral, and this can happen over the day or a week or however long you need.
Speaker 2:But if it's just moving slowly out of rather than just staying stuck, it doesn't, because sometimes it's not realistic. And sometimes there are times where I'm like you know what? I just want to be mad right now, and usually it's because I don't have the capacity to do anything else. That's what I'm like. I don't have the capacity to regulate myself. It all comes down to just regulating the nervous system. When we are, when we have, when we are so dysregulated and we're feeling we can't. We can't move up the spectrum of emotions, we can't raise our vibration if we don't have capacity, and so we need to be able to give ourselves the self care whatever we need, whether it's going for a walk in nature or having a glass of water, like sitting down and having a glass of water and taking five deep breaths honestly works great.
Speaker 1:I can subscribe to that. I do that already. It's simple, right, it's so simple and I always say first I'd like to say I love how you put mentioned not fixing it, because I think that's so important, especially when you are sitting with your emotions and you are kind of, especially at the beginning stages, of just reconnecting with yourself and understanding where anxiety lives in your body, where anger lives, because it all lives differently for everybody. My stress lives in my shoulders, my nervousness and that lives in my gut, but anger lives in my hands. That's where I feel anger. I don't feel it like in my jar or something different.
Speaker 1:But especially at the beginning stages, going into it with no judgment and no expectation of fixing anything is the key. I really. I think it's the key because you kind of step out of the mind a little bit and really start to tap into the breath, tap into the body. So I love how you brought that up, because I think you know saying one thing is like just close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, is one thing, but adding that key component of you're not there to fix, just as a sense of power to it in a sense, and that permission to be like, okay, I don't need to fix myself in this moment, I just need to take a few breaths and that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. It's literally just giving yourself a few moments to be with yourself, because this is the thing as kids, we didn't have someone and I'm speaking generally, based on the way our generation was raised is we didn't have someone sitting there holding space for us in our emotions. So it's our job now, as adults, to hold the space for ourselves, and so when you sit there and you breathe, you're literally just showing up for yourself, you're being there for yourself, saying okay, I'm going to allow myself this time, instead of just trying to avoid, trying to shut it out.
Speaker 1:I kind of want to bring up partners, not in the sense of regulating them, but I think the support of a partner, I think that is also very key, I think, in raising your vibration, especially if you are doing living the world with somebody by your side. I think it is important. I know for myself, when I was really tapping, retapping into I don't want to say it wasn't my first time, but tapping into myself, going through burnout, I really had to lean on my husband and be like I need support, and the support isn't necessarily cooking dinner or doing things like that, but the support is like hold space for me or give me space when I need it, or don't be upset if I'm going to go meditate not that he is ever, but all of a sudden, or that I decide that I don't want to socialize this weekend, or whatever it may be. So I want to talk a little bit about that. And for those that are listening, that are really connecting with this and being like, okay, I need to do more of this in my life.
Speaker 1:But I feel as if my partner is not going to support me in this or might think it's woo, woo or you know, yeah, sometimes it's just like my husband sometimes is like I cold blanch, and he's like I just I don't get it, Like I don't, I really don't get it. You'll never convince me. He's just like it's all just kind of a little interesting, but I'm like, okay, whatever, I don't care. But he still supports me. But not everybody has that, and so I would just love for you to speak on that, if, if, you can.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no, it's. It is science that co regulating is the best way to regulate. So when we are feeling out of whack, when you were feeling burnt out, when you didn't have the capacity, being able to regulate by co regulating with someone is the fastest way to regulation. And so, for example, like when our kids are upset, when we can, when we can be calm and hold space for them, they're going to calm down 100 times faster than if they're just left. Kids actually physically can't regulate by themselves. If your kids stops crying by themselves, they've actually pushed their emotion down. Kids can't co regulate, so they need that.
Speaker 2:But still, as adults, it is so effective for us to be able to co regulate with someone. So if I'm feeling super overwhelmed and I can sit and and whether it's my partner or my mom or my sister or my best friend and I can sit down and I can say this is how I'm feeling, and they can hold space for that and they're grounded and they're calm and they're not getting all into the drama of it, I can regulate to that emotion. I can, I can, they can help me regulate, and so that's. It really is important and and so beneficial to be able to co regulate with your partner especially. You know you're sleeping in the same bed with someone. If, if one person's anxious, the other person is going, we do have these energetic ties, and so if your partner can be, that rock for you is so, so powerful. And so that was the first part, and then there was a second part?
Speaker 1:What if they're not supportive? So what if you say you know what I'm? Kids are screaming, you're like I need your help and he's like you're on your own, like I'm going out, see you later, or that's a bad example. But even just saying like or you come in and you're upset, they're fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that, again, communication is so important in for them to understand the way your outlook on things. So, even though they might not look at things the same way you, you can explain, listen. When the kids are like this, it's really important for me to stay calm. So I need your support and I need you to X, y and Z and be very communicative about it. They don't have to subscribe to the same thing that you do. Obviously, if they do and they share those same outlooks and those same values, it's going to be a lot easier. But if they don't, it's okay. You can't force someone to. But again, like, we are the leading energy and, to be honest, the same way that I don't teach my kids by telling them what to do, I teach them by showing them.
Speaker 2:My husband has learned that way too. You know, the first time I invested a lot of money in a coach to help me with this stuff, he did not understand it. He's like you're spending how much money? But he didn't need to question it for very long because it was a week before he could see the difference and then he didn't question it anymore. So he's like okay, I don't need, I don't need to know the science, I can see what's happening. So your husband might say cold plunging, that sounds awful. You'll never get me on board. I don't understand that, but if he can see over a longer period of time the effect it has, he doesn't need to read any books about it. He's gonna say, wow, I want those results too. I'm going to start doing what you're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that, great. All right, I'm trying to think if there's anything else that I want to ask, but I don't think so I think I think this conversation was amazing. I do have one more question, though, and it's. I always end with this question. But, yeah, I absolutely love this conversation and it's and it's great to see it from a different lens. I think sometimes we're always you know can be, we're always working on ourselves. I know that for myself, but it's nice to have that reflect on your children or yourselves. It really makes life a little bit easier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh it's. It's such a life hack, Mm. Hmm.
Speaker 1:It really is. So my last question for you is is there one piece of advice that you would like to leave here with everybody? It doesn't have to be about what we talked about. It could be literally about anything. Just a nugget that they can take with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say that my biggest, the best advice that I've ever heard and I say this all the time is focus more on who you're being instead of what you're doing. So it's really easy for us to get caught up in oh you know, am I doing this right? Am I doing that? I mean, I want to try this and try that, but look inwards, like, who are you being, how are you feeling? And that is going to be the focus on. That is the best strategy.
Speaker 2:Whether it comes to your parenthood, your relationship, your business, your job, your sports, whatever it is, you're going to see the best results when you focus on yourself and raising your emotional intelligence. You're like growing as a human, regulating yourself. It is truly a life hack, and you will see not only the benefits of how good you feel, but also it reflecting on other people, and the best compliment that I get from people is when I'm around you. You make me want to be a better person, and it's not because I'm telling them the things to do, but they can feel something that is activating something inside of them, and so that would be. The advice is is focus on who you're being, and it is a life's journey right, it's not okay. What do I need to do to do this and check it off the list? It's a commitment, a lifetime commitment to your own evolution, and it is what I see as the purpose of life.
Speaker 1:I really like that, like, really like that. And what a compliment. Oh my gosh, it's like the best compliment ever. Truly, it really is. Oh well, thank you so much Sarah.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I love talking about this video.